The story so far: Quinn makes a deal with a demon named
Azazel - who has somehow been forced into a robotic body. Three years
later, Quinn is a runaway and Azazel is going by the name Issac. The two
of them are traveling the country in search of the people who made
Issac the way he is now, but run into a little roadblock when their
newest (and best) lead is killed by a hunter.
After taking a bus to the next town over, they run into Issac's friend Bell at a hotel called Abe's Lodge. But before Quinn and Issac could get to their room, they find out about a series of disappearances that have been taking place around town.
Chapter 3
They left the lobby for the hotel room.
Quinn entered first. She normally would have been excited – she loved seeing what the rooms looked like – but an emptiness had settled in her chest. She made her way over to the nearest bed and sat on its very edge. Terry. Sylvia. Kaia. Percy. Suzanna. Emile. Logan. Adam. Did the others have people missing them like Bell was missing Kaia, too? Was that the normal way people were supposed to react to a loved one suddenly disappearing?
Issac was lingering by the door. His lips were drawn, but his eyes were bright.
Quinn looked back down at her lap. She noticed, in the back of her mind, that she had a little ketchup stain on her faded jeans from the burgers she had gotten at a fast food place she couldn't remember the name of. “You want to do something.”
“Bell said we shouldn't get involved,” Issac said. He paused. “I know it would be dangerous to try finding the culprit. Considering that only the supernatural have vanished so far, it likely means you wouldn't be targeted.”
“But we don't know who is making them disappear,” Quinn guessed. She dug her fingernails in the denim of her jeans, one finger absentmindedly chipping away at the dried ketchup. “If it was a hunter, I wouldn't be safe.”
The silence that followed her assumption was the only answer she needed.
She looked back up at Issac.
“...I know I'm new to the supernatural,” she admitted. “I barely know anything about demons, and I've been traveling with one for the past three years. But I want to do something, too. It just feels wrong knowing that all of those people are vanishing.”
The stain chipped off.
Quinn took a deep breath.
“...But if everyone being supernatural is the only connection they have, I think the only people who can figure this out are those who know about the supernatural,” she finished. She got to her feet again and walked over to the minuscule stretch of hallway that Issac was still standing in. She tried to give him her very best I'm-not-afraid smile. Most of the time, that smile was reserved for when she actually felt scared. Quinn couldn't put her finger on why, but she didn't feel half as terrified as she knew she should feel.
Issac studied her face; Quinn could have sworn she heard the hum of electricity as he contemplated the idea. Maybe, if she was as old as he was, she would have thought the idea was a little more absurd. But then the glow to his eyes brightened, and he let out a sigh of his own.
“How would we even go about dealing with something like this?” Issac asked. “I know nothing about how hunters solve their cases.”
Quinn thought it over.
“We don't need to know about them,” she said. She gave Issac a small smile. “We just have to do what we've been doing to find the person who made you like this – be detectives.”
All of those years of reading the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew were finally going to pay off.
xXx
Quinn quickly realized that solving mysteries was harder than she had thought.
The reason they had traveled so much in the past three years wasn't because they were chasing after a series of clues – they were trying to evade anyone who might have been looking for her. If they were lucky, something would jog Issac's memory. That was what happened with Jean Sullivan. Solving a mystery was like writing a paper for school. No one ever thought about the sheer amount of research that went into it when they saw the final copy.
They were currently in the lounge of the lodge. Issac was scrolling through a slew of websites on a public computer, while Quinn was consulting YouTube. Quinn was thankful that the missing weren't dead, but not having a crime scene made it hard to pinpoint the location where the nine had been taken. It was as if they had all vanished without a trace. The police, generally, weren't supposed to tell anyone anything about the crimes they were solving, either. Quinn had watched enough true crime shows on grainy TVs in dark hotel rooms to know that.
Issac suddenly tapped her on the shoulder.
Quinn paused the video and looked over at his screen.
He had pulled up an article that was just from that morning. It was on Adam. He had technically been missing for the past week, but yesterday was the first day the police had officially declared him as part of the case. Issac pushed his chair over so Quinn could take his place in front of the keyboard.
She skimmed through the article.
It didn't give much information: it just mentioned that he had worked at a place called Lowland Haunts, that he had no known family members, and that his disappearance was first reported by one of his coworkers. But as Quinn stared at the photo of him they had at the very top of the article – of him with messy, dyed red hair and a goofy smile – something clicked.
She checked the description of the news clip compilation she had been watching.
She pointed at the computer screen.
“Lowland Haunts,” she said. “That was the last place Suzanna was seen at. Her friends said she was supposed to go there. They tried drawing attention to it on social media, but the police couldn't do anything about it because there wasn't any clues.”
She glanced over at Issac and gave him a smile.
“I think we just found a clue.”
xXx
Quinn hadn't ever been to a haunted house before, but Lowland Haunts was exactly what she had expected. A large, mansion-like building stood tall over sprawling grasslands. She could see trees in the distance if she squinted, but she didn't even give them a second look. She was too busy taking in the sight of the haunted house – of its fading gray paint and rickety wood, of the mock graveyard that sprawled in front of it, and the old, decaying wooden fence that surrounded the property. The haunted house didn't open until it was dark out, but people in a variety of costumes lingered in the graveyard outside. The only person who wasn't wearing a costume was a man outside the front door, talking to a woman with long, matted black hair and a white dress.
Issac and Quinn's car – an Uber they had taken from Abe's Lodge – pulled into the parking lot that was a short walk away from the building. By the time the car had driven off and the two of them were heading to the house, a cool breeze had settled over the grasslands. Quinn pulled up the hood to her hoodie. It wasn't enough to entirely block out the cold, but at least her ears were warm.
“He must be the owner,” Quinn guessed, gesturing in the man's direction.
Issac nodded. “I had the same assumption.”
She let out a sigh as they neared the wooden gate at the end of the parking lot. “I wish I had searched for his name before we came here,” she said. She gave the gate a little push; it sent a loud creak echoing through the entirety of Lowland Haunts' grounds. Almost all of the employees looked over at the two of them; the only exceptions were the owner and the young woman directly across from him.
Issac gave her a small smile.
“I thought it might be good to know,” he said, “so I took care of that myself. His name is Nolan Keene – we've actually interacted in the past.”
Quinn faltered.
“Nolan Keene, like the actor?” she asked.
Issac nodded. “Yes-” He paused, giving her a curious look. “You know of him?”
She pulled the hood to her hoodie down as far as it
possibly could go. “My mom and him worked on the same movie,” she
admitted. The curiosity switched to something; Issac furrowed his
brow and drew his mouth into a thin little line. Sensing his worry,
she hurriedly gave him a smile that barely reached her eyes. “They
didn't interact much – he was one of the background characters, and
she was one of the lead roles. I...I should be okay.”
She
glanced over in Nolan's direction.
“...It might be better if you talk to him on your own,” she suggested. “I can try talking to some of the employees here – maybe one of them knows something?”
Issac didn't look convinced.
“...Please?”
Issac let out a sigh. Running his fingers through his hair, he gave her – and the graveyard – one last cursory look before walking over to Nolan.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Two reviews in one day? Woohoo!
Quinn and Issac have found their first clue! The mystery is beginning. Ooh, I'm so excited.
Poor Quinn! I like how each chapter delves a little deeper into the main characters. Near the end, we learn her mother is an actress. So maybe, Quinn was being forced into the Hollywood world. She doesn't know how ordinary people do stuff if I recall correctly.
As IcyFlame said, I would like a little more world-building for the same reasons. You don't have to write paragraphs of exposition, but you can introduce piece by piece in each chapter.
One of the best transition scenes I have ever come across.
I love your description of the Lowland Haunts. It's so spooky, and I'm getting Scooby-Doo vibes.
You can do without "that was a short walk away from the building." It feels a little clunky to me.
As I said, I love your description of the settings. This is one of your strongest suits, but I love Quinn and Issac too. Their personalities are made so clear to me.
Thanks for the review!
You're killing it with them. <3
Thanks! I love ironic scene transitions like that.
And now I guess I have to rewatch Scooby-natural for more inspiration for this novel. >>Heyo!

Hope you're doing well. Let's get right into the review!
SAMESIES
Make sure to let your mother know that they weren't a waste of time, okay? I bet she'd be proud.
I thought she read Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew ;-;
Omg whenever there's a "something clicked" it's a pretty interesting clue or whatever it'll be called but eeeeee let's seeeeee
Aaaah I think I understannnnnd o.O
I dunno who you are anymore bye see ya. <.< She's in for a pretty horrifying experience then. Watch out, Quinn!
The magic word to the rescuuuuue!!
Ah okay so I don't think I have much to say, but woohoo, we're onto our first clue! We've gotten into this wild haunted house/mansion. We meet Nolan Keene who worked with Quinn's mom :0 I wonder if Nolan is going to stick his leg into their mission?? That would be frustrating xD This whole Adam and Suzanna thing also seems very interestinggggg - wonder what's up with that. o.o
Not much else to say now, but eek I'm so excited for the next chapter so expect a review sometimes soon, 'kay?
Keep on writing & Happy RevMo!
~Liberty
Thank you for the review! It made me grin the entire time I was reading it.
Samesies x2.
...I'll, uh, let you read chapter four before I comment on that. >>
Haunted houses are so scary that I've never been in one, so researching them is definitely going to be a little frightening for me.
I can't wait to see your thoughts on the future chapters!
When you mention Isaac's eyes glowing, do you mean just naturally brightening or in a robotic way? I think you need to be more cautious with your descriptions of him as he's not human so some things read differently.
How does Quinn know the missing aren't dead? That Jean guy was? If I was her, I'd assume the others had been killed, too.
Be careful with your use of '...', a tutor at my uni would always scribble mine out whenever I used them and told me they were irrelevant. If you've but them there, it's for a reason. There's a gap - a space - so use it. What's going on in that space? Is there a shared look? Does she pause in thought? It's a good way to look at what you're actually trying to convey.
No need to repeat that it's the hood of her hoodie. Just say hood.
Okay, so in this chapter I'm finding out what is actually going on, which is good. But like you've said in your replies, you've acknowledged that these plot points should have been established sooner.
I'm glad we're learning more about her parents. I was afraid they'd just be a distant memory and their relationship and lifestyle never really explained beyond the prologue.
I am curious though as to what exactly Quinn and Isaac did in those three years. There's a big gap there which I'm hoping will be filled in with some flashbacks or something.
Thank you for your review!
I meant in a robotic way! I'll definitely clarify that later on, but I tend to use glowing to describe things that are literally giving off light.
Quinn's still pretty new to the supernatural side of things, so death isn't really her first thought. She's also an optimistic person, so she's not really going to assume that people are dead - she's going to hope they're alive.
Thanks for the advice! The ellipses is one of the writing devices I really like using, so I probably won't exclude it entirely. But I will think about why I use them in the first place!
makes a note to include flashbacks
For some reason including those completely slipped my mind.Thank you for the critiques! I know that you liked learning more about the plot/Quinn's parents, but do you have anything else you really liked in this chapter? Hearing people geek out about my stories is the greatest inspiration/motivation when it comes to writing new chapters.
No problem! I'm actually finding it very fun and helpful for myself to critique other works after studying Creative Writing. I've learned a lot so it's interesting to read other people's work and seeing what works and what doesn't and why.
Honestly, when I become really invested in a story it's mainly because of the characters. All my novels are very much character based, and the relationships I create are what I'm most proud of. With this story, I'm still trying to grasp a sense of both Quinn and Azazel/Isaac. I think it comes down to the fact that they are always moving around and they never really settle anywhere long enough to just be themselves. I think you really get a sense of characters in those more mundane moments. Like there's not been a moment when they're just chatting which makes me still unaware of their actual relationship to each other.
This novel seems like its more plot-driven than character-driven, which is perfectly fine. But in those circumstances, it takes longer for me to really feel a part of the story and that I'm alongside them for the ride.
Hey Mage <3
I'm back again! Working may way through these slowly but surely
Not your most engaging start to a chapter! Maybe you could start the chapter by combining the first two sentences and just put 'Quinn entered the hotel room first.' Just a thought
Ooh, that's some intriguing character insight.
How do we know that only the supernatural have been targeted so far? And also, c'mon Issac aren't you too busy finding out who did this to you and running away from a hunter?
Well at least someone's keeping up!
I agree! I'd be interested in a little more world building. So is the world the same as ours but with supernatural beings? Do the rest of humanity have any clue about the supernatural? Do they live in like secret underground places or are they all hiding in plain sight like Bell? Not things you need to address all of right away, but just some questions I'm having
Good going, Scooby Gang!
They seem to be doing a lot of travelling around - is Lowland Haunts nearby? It might be good to mention this in the first section of the chapter.
I like that you've separated Issac and Quinn at the end of this. We've seen a lot of how they interact together so I'm interested to see how they function separately!
Hope this was helpful, thanks for the enjoyable read <3
Icy
Thank you for the review!
That's a great idea! I definitely wanted to make the starting sentence of the chapter more interesting, so I'll definitely fix that when I revise it in the future.
It's the beginning of the Quinn angst.(It was mentioned in the last chapter that Bell was pretty sure that the people who went missing were all supernatural because they came through her hotel - which is really supposed to be just for the supernatural. I need to clarify the purpose of the hotel in rewrites, but that's the one hint they have so far!)
And I definitely need to expand on that last part more, but Issac's the kind of guy who can't resist the urge to help people.
I'll definitely build on that more soon!
The world this is set in is heavily inspired by the Supernatural series, but is a little more friendly to the supernatural.
Because I hate how they treat the supernatural characters as the antagonists in the show.So it's basically the same as our world, with the supernatural hiding in plain sight.Since this is inspired by Supernatural, the Scooby Doo reference just made me laugh.It is! I really need to name the town so I can't make the locations clearer, but it's in the same town. >>
It's definitely a challenge writing them apart.And your review definitely was helpful!
Thank you for the review!
That's a great idea! I definitely wanted to make the starting sentence of the chapter more interesting, so I'll definitely fix that when I revise it in the future.
It's the beginning of the Quinn angst.(It was mentioned in the last chapter that Bell was pretty sure that the people who went missing were all supernatural because they came through her hotel - which is really supposed to be just for the supernatural. I need to clarify the purpose of the hotel in rewrites, but that's the one hint they have so far!)
And I definitely need to expand on that last part more, but Issac's the kind of guy who can't resist the urge to help people.
I'll definitely build on that more soon!
The world this is set in is heavily inspired by the Supernatural series, but is a little more friendly to the supernatural.
Because I hate how they treat the supernatural characters as the antagonists in the show.So it's basically the same as our world, with the supernatural hiding in plain sight.Since this is inspired by Supernatural, the Scooby Doo reference just made me laugh.It is! I really need to name the town so I can't make the locations clearer, but it's in the same town. >>
It's definitely a challenge writing them apart.And your review definitely was helpful!
Hello!
Yet another wonderful chapter Mage!! I’m officially invested in your story. All of these disappearances are very intriguing. What has happened to them all and how will Quinn and Isaac (Azazel) figure it out? I am just bursting with curiosity. Alas, I must wait, but maybe this review will help get this chapter out of the Green Room so it can be replaced by a new one. Now, onto the review!
I wanted to mention this part because of the thing with the ketchup stain. I think it really stood out to me since it helps show what Quinn is feeling. She is thinking, and doesn’t want to focus on Isaac too much. That’s at least how I interpreted it. Anyway, little things like this can add a lot to the story and humanize your characters.
YES, I’m prepared then xD. I love when authors allude to other books, especially ones that I have really enjoyed reading.
I like how you include the research process in detail. In my opinion, that’s where the real action happens. However, in this paragraph, I feel like the change in subject is a little abrupt. It goes from talking about Jean Sullivan to comparing a mystery to a school paper. It might help the flow of the story If these ideas were separated into different paragraphs or if there were more sentences in between these two ideas.
Yay, they made a connection and found a clue!!! The research has paid off.
Good description of the haunted house. I especially enjoyed the part about the fence.
Uh oh, something tells me that Quinn really doesn’t want to talk this Nolan Keene person. Very suspicious. Poor Isaac has to go alone now.
Overall, you did an amazing job(like always)! I hope this review can help you. Keep writing! <3
Thank you for your review! Your attempt was definitely successful - the next chapter isn't out just yet, but your review inspired me to open the doc and finish it up.
I just have to write it.
Thank you! I was hoping it would do that.
Same here!
(I'm not sure if you caught it, but Nolan's last name is actually a nod to the pen name of the group of authors that wrote Nancy Drew over the years.)
Thank you for the suggestion! I'll definitely space them out when I revise this chapter - or at least make a better transition between the two ideas.
Thanks!
RIP Issac.
Thank you again for the review!
I%u2019m glad I could help! I saw that the next chapter and the third part of chapter 3 are out, so I am going to go right over and read them!!
HELLO PERSON!!!!
I know it isn't smart, but I'm starting from a middle chapter. I'm glad you gave a little recap though. That's very helpful.
I really like the whole aura this has. It's creepy, but I really like it. I think you wrote in all of those spooky things neatly, so it isn't exactly too much. It's a nice blend of all types of things, which is really cool in my opinion.
I see a few errors here and there, so I'll point those out.
"They tried drawing attention to it on social media, but the police couldn't do anything about it because there wasn't any clues."
I believe "weren't" would work better instead of "wasn't".
BYE!!!!
Hi there!
Thank you for your review! It's pretty daunting reviewing middle chapters, so I definitely applaud you for being brave enough to do that - especially after just joining the site.
I'm glad the recap helped! I was hoping it would help anyone who wanted to review one of the later chapters.
Thank you! I was worried that I wouldn't get across the creepiness of a haunted house, so I was glad I was able to.
And thanks for catching that typo!
(By the way, congratulations on getting your first review star!)