Young Writers Society

wow, this was moving. I liked your last lines:

Cant you see that i want to fly?
I dont want to just sit here and cry

that was the most moving part of this poem. I think at most points it was hard to understand because your thoughts were going so fast. maybe separate your thoughts a little better. it would be so much easier. this was good Maddy.

~Lylas

hey i just want to say that your poetry is beautiful because you could make the personality more real and honest and you can see that she/he is confusing and little bit lost and sad but she/he wants to break that and stop crying but there were some heavy lines that make your poetry little bit messy like :
My thoughts are troubled causing me to ponder
but i really like it,good luck

I don't often review poetry, but I am certainly glad I chose this poem.

My impressions of this poem were, right from the beginning, that it was real. I could real the reality laced into your words. I also could feel the dramatic arc that it took. Your words building and building until it climaxed with, "Who am I in my heart?", which was a very beautiful phrase. The rest of the words seemed to decrease in intensity until you ended with the very calm and sad phrase, "I don't want to just sit here and cry." I always have a problem with poems that do not follow the dramatic arc, so I am grateful that I saw one in yours.

There were some phrases that I felt did not flow correctly with your poem. "My thoughts are troubled causing me to ponder," is a very bulky and wordy phrase. I don't feel as though it sits well in between two delicate and simple phrases. While I was reading your poem, that phrase did not seem to allow me to read the poem smoothly.

"Who were you pretending to be at the start?" seemed out of place as well. It took away from my reading experience because it did not sit well with the rest of your words.

I felt as though the phrase that you ended your poem with was not a very good ending phrase. It didn't leave me with any closure. That may have been your intention as a poet, but it also seemed weaker than the phrase before it. If you don't leave readers with a powerful phrase, they feel cheated.

Overall, this was a very nice poem and an enjoyable read. Please, keep me posted on any poetry you write in the future. Happy Writing!

Hi, there Maddymayhem.

I am GeeLyria, and I'm here to review.

First off, I want to start by saying that your talent, and the potential of this poem cannot be denied. You managed to be consistent on your rhyming pattern, and yet, it doesn't sound forced; it sounds natural because the poem actually makes sense. Which is fantastic! I think you've managed to write down your feelings in an efficient and creative way, so I'd love to congratulate you for that!

It's a fact! But now I want to talk to you about grammar and appearance. It is true that it's not wise to judge a book by its cover. Although, that is not an excuse to give our very best, is it? When we have the tools to do something, it's fabulous to walk the mile because it is worth it. I noticed that throughout your lines there are many missing apostrophes. Also, remember that when the letter "I" is used as a pronoun it should always be capitalized, despite where it is located in the sentence. I'd really suggest you to edit those details because when you show professionalism, people will treat you like one.

I would also love to see some stanzas. Why? Because organizing your lines in different stanzas makes it easier to read; when the reader sees a block of words without actually reading the text, he can get lazy, and we wouldn't want him or her to miss your wonderful piece, because it really is worth reading. :]

There it is! My grain of sand. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.

~GeeLyria