Young Writers Society

Hi, Maddymayhem, my dear friend. ^_^

Oooh. This one sounds a bit dark. Sounds like a cutting-addiction to me. ;| However, this piece is thought-provocative, because you mention "you control it", but we all know that you don't control an addiction; addictions control us. I find that to be pretty interesting. You stanzas were organized, and I appreciate that. The wording was good, and the rhythm was neat and that is very important.

However, I want to talk about the punctuation. I noticed it is not consistent, and uniformity is essential in a writers life. I noticed that you have commas and periods spread around the lines, but in some sentences they are missing. Like for example, the first and the fourth line. I'd suggest you check it out again and correct it, because it's actually the only thing I have to critique about this poem.

Your writing skills are great, I must say! :]

There's my grain of sand. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

~GeeLyria

Last stanza got me.
I found myself squirming a bit round the rest.
Not because it was awful, but because your description was so raw that I felt uncomfortable reading it. Like watching it happen... or reading someones diary.
~not a diary obviously, not an insult either (sorry if you thought that)
but I can't help but cringe at the dark aura of this poem.

"A rush that'll make your head spin
Faster and faster,
Round and round,
Until you're so dizzy, you don't even know your name"

Drugs came to mind reading this. Addiction. Elation.
You may have intended that, or not.
Either way it's a stanza very true to the title, yet contradicting at the same time.
An addictive 'high' that only you can control.
However, it could very well point out the loss of control.

Like how you think your in control when you get on a motorbike.
Because it was your choice. Not considering the dangerous risks...
doesn't it feel like loss of control instead?

"You control it.
It feels nice, right?
To control something?
To call something yours."

This made me think of people. Strangely.
Power. Possessive. Manipulation. Domination. Over-reaction.
Both culture and society have made this concept so appealing.
Parents find it necessary. Governments find it tricky.
Filmmakers seem to think it.. sexy... T_T
You see it all the time, thinly disguised in -very- pretty wrapping paper.
But you can always tell whats inside.
-sorry if this review not helping at all. it's been awhile (=.=)-

Control eh?
Tempting thought.
density//

Edit: I have to remove this for some reasons.

Thank You

Hi. I love the emotion and beauty of this piece and topic. I am so excited to review it!

The good about the poem:

1. Emotion! I love how raw it is and how much heart and meaning you've put into it.

2. Though not a whole bunch, the imagery you have is really good.

The not so good (still an amazing poem though!):

1. The way you wrote it seemed very static in the middle. The first two lines having a nice flow, then the rest you seemed to cut yourself short. You have some amazing things you're trying to say and I hated seeing them stunted.

2. The stanza that had every line start with love is one of the things I didn't love. It looks like you tried to explain why you're doing it, but it reads weird to me. It works well with going into the next stanza, but you jump from not being able to think to thinking of why you're doing it. See how that doesn't make sense. My suggestion is to add another stanza either explaining more of the feeling, or bringing the other person into context.

3. This is me being nitpicky.... The first line should be connected with the first stanza. You go from arms to legs yes, but starting with arms and leaving the sentence by itself then starting the poem just doesn't seem right. It might have been an editing thing or you meant to have it that way. Either case I still suggest bringin it together.

Overall it is a good piece. Great word choices and emotion. I hope this was of help to you! Good job and good luck!

Although I am not a poetry reviewing master, I can give you my general impressions of this piece.

This poem was very dark and strangely rhythmic. I felt a beat pounding inside my head as I read it. I also felt the reality of this. Truth is often the ultimate beauty and I applaud you for sharing that beauty with me. However, even though I absolutely despise telling a poet how to write their poetry, the ending felt wrong to me. I cannot explain, but I feel as if there was more to be said. Just something to think about. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!

Wow. This actually gave me chills while reading. Not just because of the subject matter, but because of the word choice. Very powerful. Great job.