Hmm.. This was an interesting piece and I had to think about it for a while before it finally sank in. The flow worked well in some places, but I think it could be better, as it lacked that... Hmm... Je ne sais pas. But it didn't work well for me and I think it could be edited to be better and therefore attract the attention of more people.
Some of the imagary was good and you described the belief in a certain way which was enjoyable to read, although it could also be better.
You're punctuation is weak and could be revised, added, edited etc. and when this is done the work will then make more sense and have a better structure, making it sound/read better when the reader looks through it.
I liked the storyline, but believe you could've structured this better. I hope my adive and tips help.
Points: 890
Reviews: 461
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