Under the Lemon Tree

Well we'll my good friend I would like to say

That this review is going to be a very good one

Because I have read your poem an it is time

For me to tell you what I think of it

And I me it was a very good and touching

Poem and I will have to say that when I

Look for a poem I look for rhymes which yours

Had and I would be looking for good word play

And very good vocablulary words being used. I liked

The way when you put everything together and made

It sound very well written and making it very

Good. There are some things I would like to say

An that is if you are planing on writing a new

Poem and or story please let me know

I would be more than happy to review it for

You.

Hey! Sahib the Scribe here and I just wanted to give you some feedback to append what Alice here said. I too am missing the point a little bit. It seems to me that you have a message in mind, but I don't know if you are communicating it in the best way possible.

It was there under the lemon tree,
that the boy soon learned
of the fate and frustration,
that the sun seem to throw.

Maybe you could clarify here what exactly you mean about the sun's frustration because that analogy seems to be kind of vague.

Besides that, the message is really quite beautiful and the poem itself has a good flow to it. I agree with Alice however that you could use stanzas because poems like this with such abstract comparisons benefit from a more concrete structure. All in all, you are most definitely a good writer and the poem has merits of its own and stands as a testament to your skill. Keep crafting!

Hey I'm here to review your poem!

It was there under the lemon tree,
that the boy soon learned
of the fate and frustration
that the sun seem to throw.

It didn't take long for the boy to grow
but what he worried about now,
was if his mind had shown.
There wasn't much he could say,
that would cause him dismay.
But the simple words from others,
told him to hide away.

But it was there under the lemon tree,
that the boy soon learned
of the cruelty of others,
that the sun seem to throw.
Long before he saw the world,
With it's shadow lies
and winters that flies,

reality stuck in his mind,
like a dead mine and now,
he could only thank the tree for
lost of time.

It was under that lemon tree,
where his world was blind
by the hopes of a future
in the lost freedom mind.

His eyes were gone,
but there he laid
under a tree,
that forgot his name.