Jessie's eyes beamed up towards the star painted ceiling, as the shadowy figure of her best friend slid into bed and laid down next to her. The dim nightlight couldn't shine bright enough to show the dark bags under Emma's eyes but from the way she dragged her body into bed, let Jessie know how weak Emma's body has been.
"You look tired." Jessie addressed, taking hold of Emma's small hand
Emma let out a small yawn and nodded, turning onto her side so that she faced Jessie's dim lit face. She gave Jessie a soft smile and placed her one of her hands under her head, unsure if she could manage to find a conformable sleep tonight.
"Yeah, mama gave me some medicine." Emma whispered, with a soft sigh. She felt her eyes slowly becoming lead and tried her best to keep them open.
"Oh...you want to play dress up?" Jessie asked, knowing full well that Emma would say no but she had a small spark of hope that tonight could be the night, when Emma got better and agree to play.
But Emma shook her head "I'm going to sleep..." She trailed off and slowly closed her eyes.
Jessie nodded slightly and pulled the blanket up to Emma's shoulder and laid down next to her. She brushed some of Emma's hair out of her face and tucked herself under the blanket. She never needed a blanket because she was never cold but Jessie knew that Emma was sick and had a strong feeling to stay with her for as long as she could, until her 'fever' broke and they could play again.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well, this was a cute little prologue...not a term I thought would ever use to describe a prologue, but ehh, there is a first for everything...well..this was a pretty sweet little start here, and well I think it does its job as a prologue relatively well.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...okay interesting introduction there...on one hand Jessie looks to be really happy to have here friend slide into bed next to her...as indicated by her beaming eyes but she also seems some sad on behalf of here considering it looks like Emma's super tired for some reason, its a tiny contradiction almost there...and hmm....it would make sense but it just sounds off somehow the way its phrased here.
Well, that's a sweet little scene...ahh..this is such a wholesome image at the moment, the two of them just about to get some night's sleep and one friend trying to look out for the other one...ahh...this is a suuper wholesome moment here...not very common in prologues...so...hmm, let's see where this is going.
Hmm....well..aww...looks like poor Emma is sick from some sort of disease there...it doesn't look to be too severe cause it looks like some medicine and sleep is the only thing that's happening at the moment...and this really innocent looking request her to check if her friend is upto playing....is another wholesome moment.
Well that's another aww moment there...the two of them just settling down to sleep and ahh, Jessie tucking Emma in under the blanket is just ahh..the cutest visual ever....well...this is one of the most wholesome prologues I've ever run into...certainly was a wholesome ending....but hmm...well this fever certainly makes for a tiny bit of mystery which is why I suppose this here is a prologue...well I certainly read on to find what's happening here, especially considering this title is pretty interesting.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a nice and very cute start to a story that I would certainly read, especially considering the characters introduce here and the title of this story. It certainly makes for a very mysterious combo there.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
First things first, I want to say congrats on stealing my attention with the title that you put up. It was like somebody was sitting next to me telling me, 'You really gotta read that book son, you really have too. Its gonna be awesome!' And now that I have read the prologue I and satisfied with my choice of reading something like this and I am excited and want to follow this book through to the end.
Ok, so starters are over, now to buisness.
I am kind of confused on how old Emma is, and who Jessie is, but I know this is a prologue and it is supposed to be like a teaser to capture your interest. But, a little info would be kind of nice.
Also, is Jessie Emma's friend or sister, because the title is Jessica Green Doesn't Exist, so would that mean that Jessie died and Emma is playing and talking with a ghost? I am just curious.
I really like how you made the prologue seem like it was the start of someones problems, (Even though that is kind what a book is about, Duh. *Gives myself a V8*) and you made it seem interesting. I have read some books where they start out in the middle to end of a problem, then they have to make up the rest of the problem so the Prologue fits the problem that they want the character to have.
I also really liked how you described the room and the effects that Emma is having on herself as she is tired. It is like sitting in a room with them and watching it happen. I have always wanted that to happen in my book, but it has not ever really happened because I drag it out too much.
So, great Job, and I really like where this book is headed and you have totally sucked my attention into this book and I want more!
~Poetic Cowboy
Hey there LoyalDay! How's it going? Thank you so much for joining the YMS and for taking your time to write and upload a prologue. I was thinking I, vva, could drop by and give a little review? Sounds good? Alrighty then, let's get started.
Before I begin, I'd like to address that I actually did forget that this was a prologue while reading it. You have a very convincing way of writing which really sucks a reader in and makes them believe the story that you're telling. An odd (but useful) gift, I'm glad to see a writer with this ability. Anyhow, onto the actual review. I like start with negative stuff and then get into the better parts of a story, so I think I'll stick to that formula.
Now there are some spelling and grammar mistakes here and there:
^^ Notice how in the first quote that the world 'comfortable' is misspelled and that in the latter there's a lack of punctuation? Little stuff like that. Anyway, I'm definitely no grammatical genius. (Hell, you might even find some nit picks in this review)! So, I'll leave all of those corrections in the hands of other members.
I also noticed that you reuse some phrases to decribe the setting a lot, one example is the use of the term "dim lit".
Just a bit of repetition, you get the idea. Not a big deal, happens to us all. Moving onward!
Now, I think it's about time address the better and stronger aspects of this prologue.
I love your capability to write and describe the way she moves. It felt very real. I could visualize the slow and sluggishness of her walk. Your writing is generally, pretty detailed, but generalized.
I like the interactions and dialogue between the both characters. It feels very real, mostly because you never forget that they're children and have them interact as children would.
Finally, the story seems very intriguing and I'm interested in reading more.
Overall, this seems like a pretty solid and strong prologue and I've set my expectations pretty high. Great work! Don't stop writing and stay creative!