Flash fiction! Keer's begining

by LowKey

Published April 19, 2007

In Short Stories

No more left,

Only one.

No contest,

No where to run.

This is the countdown to extinction.

~Countdown to Extinction, by Megadeth

Once there was a peaceful, quiet mountain. It was untamed and full of wild life. There were white waterfalls, lush forests, rich soil, and rivers so full of fish, you could appear to walk on water all the way to the other side. Then, like a scouter ant, a person found the mountain. More came. Farmers came to plant in the rich, never dieing soil. Hunters came for the wild life and fishers came for the wild runs in the rivers.

They spread out, and one town became two. Two became four, and so on. Forests were cleared to make way for the oncoming towns. As more and more towns were built, there were less and less forests. With the lack of vegetation came the lack of wild life. More and more houses were built, taking up the soil. The rivers were over fished as well as polluted from the mines and the wild life was over hunted.

Soon the fishers and farms and hunter left, and the people who stayed had to do these things themselves. The investors for the mines soon found them empty and left. As did the miners. The towns were dieing. Many became ghost towns, but there were still a few left.

There were still the people who were the first to come, who loved the mountain as it was. They worked to bring back the forests and wild life. But their children left, seeking a life and future elsewhere. With the children gone, the towns began to die out. People became to old to hunt and had no one to care for them. Soon there was only one town left with children, and even they were leaving.

"You're going, too, are you, Keer?"

Keer looked down, ashamed at being caught. She had planned to leave in secret.

The grandmother nodded sadly.

"I promise to visit." Keer said, hoping to cheer her. The grandmother shook her head a waved the words away as meaningless. They were.

"So they all say! And not one of them has come back, has they? No, Keer. I'll not hold you to a promise you cannot keep. Go then, and see what of the world you will." the grandmother said, turning around.

"Grandmother, wait." Keer called. The grandmother stopped and turned. "I'm sorry." Keer said. The grandmother said nothing, only turned and shuffled away.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review Review · Dec 21, 2007

Hehe, nobody commented on this. Weeeeeeird. :P

Anyway! This doesn't seem like flash fiction at all since it really doesn't have a conclusive ending. In fact, it looks like it will continue on to be quite a nice story, if you want to continue it. Nice = OMG, YOU CAN DO SO MUCH WITH IT!!!

And yes... that's with three exclamation points after that.

So yeah. You might be cringing that I'm commenting on such an old piece when you probably have improved tenfold since then, but if you ever get writer's block or something, this is a good piece to bring out of the bin and expand on. It holds a lot of promise -- it sort of reminds me of Princess Mononoke. :D

Anyway! Good stuff hidden in here. But it needs to be expanded! ;)



As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee