People crush sunflowers
too large to fit
in a jean pocket.
-
It's no hidden subtext,
petals are just
oversimplified clippings from a plant.
-
Yellow ochre dye
that weighs as heavy as
things you say, but don't mean,
things you mean, but don't say.
-
It's no big deal, I'll assure you
every time at the
ritualistic crossing of the street
with the red fire hydrant.
-
But sometimes I think you expect
what you're not willing to give.
Sometimes I think you lie
when you say you've given anything.
-
Reaching into my skull with those
mantis-like fingers, implanting the seeds of doubt
that I can ever be right about where the road goes
without your say-so.
-
You grow vines connecting the wrong dots,
forcing me to think in fragments,
to preach in broken stems
disconnected from the roots
of practice.
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138,622 Literary Works • 672,181 Reviews
I really loved this, read 2 times already:)
Aww thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it <3
Loved it.
Thanks! Glad to hear it was enjoyable.
Hey, Rosewood here! 🌹
It's been a few months since I've reviewed, so sorry if it's not the most helpful. Anyway, let's get started!
First of all, I just want to say that I love the main concepts you're pointing out. In my own interpretation, I can see how you've combined acts of human nature and paired them our own understanding of morality.
Honestly, this has to be my one of favorite stanzas in this. You address the fact that we, as a group, tend to destroy what we can't have. Which is kind of funny, considering how in the next few lines you give the impression of dismissing the underlining meanings. (Another thing, I might add, that people will do to dismiss jealousy in what they cannot possess!)
I think it's interesting how you coupled something easily compared to making choices in life with something out of the blue in the last line. Interpretation-wise, this really leaves it up to your reader. It could be anything- a thought the narrator did not consider, a difference in the mundane, a simple way to ground the reader in reality...!
I like the message I'm receiving from this, perhaps rethinking choices or lies that we tell ourselves? I only have one small nit-picky thing I'd like to add. I thought the rhythm was a little weird on the last line, "...when you say you've given anything.". Perhaps, instead of "you've", "you would've" could be better. It helps to hold the tense the sentence mainly portrayed.
I like the last lines and how they helped revert back to the sort of vegetation aspect you started with. And I especially like how they both wind back to the central point. You left us with an extra line in the last verse, which at first, I focussed on too much at the surface-level. But having read the poem multiple times, I think it creates, at least for me, a connection that better yet defines humanity's actions. We're never sure how it will affect us or what the consequences may be, but the practice itself helps to define who we are as individuals.
I really hope my interpretations weren't too philosophical for this, but your work really helped paint the ideas in my mind! This was a beautiful piece, and I can't wait to read more of your works in the future!
Keep writing!
Hiya Rosewood! I love your philosophical interpretations
That's a really interesting take! I was going for something along those lines, and using the plant to contrast with the pocket (something made by humans) was sort of my way to emphasise that, I think!
Ah yeah you're right about that! Thanks for letting me know ~
And thank you so much for this review overall, I found it very helpful!
Ah! Such an interesting poem Lim & lovely poignant imagery that weaves around the message too. Like! These lines? "Reaching into my skull with those// mantis-like fingers" <- perfection. <3
Thanks so much! <3 Glad you enjoyed it!
Hey, Liminality!
Here's a short review for you today!
Nice imagery in this opening!
I think it's interesting that you say that there's no hidden meaning and yet you go on in the poem and look deeper into the meaning of the flower.
I really liked these lines for it's word choice of "fragments" and the use of connecting dots.
Anyways, nice poem and keep on writing!
Thanks for the review!