Only supporting characters say
I told you so, the wise
best friend and the
ones left behind,
on the bridge, watching cars
tunnel under
into self-induced despair,
as above the stars in the night sky twinkle red --
so below the warning signs go unheeded,
and if they didn't, there would be no story,
no living and no dead.
~
It's not polite to complain
about being left with a packet of crisps,
unzipping it while zipping your mouth
with the potato crunch, watching
zombie-walking pedestrians
forget to look both ways before crossing.
~
There's an observational tone
and a lukewarm smile
in how you can fold your arms just so
they align with the railing of the plot
and lean over, without seeming
too reckless. More like a piece of the past,
a piece of home
to be left behind, to return to
again.
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Canary word: Present
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hello!
The overall idea of this poem is great! Supporting characters do not get much development in stories because, well, they are the supporting characters. However, I think this introspective piece is a good way to shine a light on the plight that is the supporting character. I always wonder if supporting characters KNOW they are supporting characters.
But I digress. My only gripe is that the first stanza feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. It feels less... abstract? I hope this is understandable, haha. It is hard to describe.
LCP ✻
Thanks for the review! (And love that username, by the way
) And thanks for letting me know about the first stanza as well! Now that I look at it, it does seem a bit iffy - maybe a change in voice or something. Thanks again!
This poem is absolutely lovely!! It's very creative, and the way you use words is unique and beautiful. I have no criticisms to offer, just praise to give!!
The scene you've created throughout the poem is stunning, and your imagery creates an eerie feeling that goes along with the view of the overpass, leaning over and watching the cars ebb and flow.
"so below the warning signs go unheeded,/ and if they didn't, there would be no story,/ no living and no dead." WOW. I have no words to describe the way these lines made me feel- they're stunning. GAH. Great job !!
Honestly, I often pick out several lines that I love, but after choosing that one, the lines just became more and more beautiful. I couldn't pick any more because all of them are so noteworthy. Each of them holds so much meaning, and the way you've packed so much emotion into each word is incredible.
Overall, this poem was beautiful, and it's genuinely one of the best I've ever read. Great job!!! You should definitely be proud
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this one!
Hi, Liminality!
I really liked this poem! It was very creative and interesting to read. I liked how you seemed to bring light to supporting characters. I feel like they are usually forgotten most of the time. I loved how you made a simple topic seem so dramatic.
My favorite line was "More like a piece of the past/a piece of home/to be left behind, to return again". I felt that it was a perfect note to end the poem on.
Overall, awesome job. I really enjoyed reading this. I hope you keep writing!
Signed,
Pineapple
Thanks for the review, Pineapple!