Hi Lim,
Mailice here with a short review!
That was a very unusual story. It asks more questions than it answers. I liked the way it was told. It seemed mysterious at the beginning, but you could relate to it more as you read, and realise that the narrator is not really a human being.
I like the writing, and how you can tell that the narrator himself was a little uncertain at some points and probably can't always directly control everything they created.
I like how towards the end there is a bit of light, and it seems to me that the created creature should have played some tricks that would probably have been above the level of ordinary boy pranks. I like how it opens up like that towards the end.
What struck me was the use of "plot" and "story" where I think it's about life and the protagonists in it; read people. It seems like you're telling a story from the perspective of a spirit/demon that rules the fabric of the laws and straightens out everything that has fallen out. At least that's how I interpret it, as well as from the title, which in connection with it gives you the feeling that the narrator is helping to move people forward.
Some other points I found while reading:
The boy was young, with a shock of white hair, a shade I'd generated from a list of particularly untrustworthy colours.
I don't know why I didn't notice what you wrote here the first time. At first I was taken in by the "untrustworthy colours", then I realised it was about the narrator creating a boy.
Icy blue eyes glared at me.
Nice to see you're also using this method of inserting an elegant paraphrase here.
Usually, when humans knew they had disobeyed the plot - and that I had noticed - they stepped back in line.
I think that's an interesting line because it raises some questions; who is the narrator? Something like a deity? A demon? What is meant by "the plot"? A set of rules about how life is supposed to play out? I like how not much is made of it during the story, so the reader has to do a bit of interpreting themselves as to what it might be.
The leader side-eyed my charge, her Greek nose giving her face a rugged silhouette.
I rarely read such specific descriptions as "Greek nose" here. I like that it's a different kind of description and I also think that even if the reader doesn't know exactly what you mean by it, it gives them an approximate picture of it if they just think of the ancient Greek busts.
I watched the expression die on his face, his steely face as he let the emotion slide.
I would put a comma after the "his steely face" here, as this is an insertion of a repetition to emphasise the main clause at the beginning.
A really cryptic yet fascinating story.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
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Reviews: 1232
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