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Whats wrong?

by LilPWilly


I look away for a second and you changed

I can’t believe just how much that we’ve aged

When it’s only been one hundred and sixty two days

Guess that’s a while since I saw you last

I know you’re fine leaving us in the past

But I know that look and I just wanna know


What happened?

It’s like your innocence is gone

You’re saddened

And since I’m not moving on

Do you want a shoulder to bury your face in for a while

You know I love your smile


What’s wrong

You haven’t been sleeping

Been a long long time since you’re excited to see me

You’re on your feed constantly to keep from speaking right now

I just wanna know, what’s wrong


I’ve kept my distance

since those old texts

Where I told you

How I hoped this would go

I’m wondering if

You’re just as sick

As I am

Of being alone

Oh no

Can’t you see it in my eyes

that I see behind your smile

I could use someone who gets me,

I have gone the extra mile

To be there

To understand what you’re going through


Juvenile

what it is

to think that I

could solve all this

If we talked

But you can have it all


So what happened?

It’s like your innocence is gone

You’re saddened

And since I’m not moving on

Do you want a shoulder to bury your face in for a while

You know I love your smile


What’s wrong

You haven’t been sleeping

Been a long long time since you’re excited to see me

You’re on your feed constantly to keep from speaking, right now

I just wanna know, what’s wrong


You’re home on the weekends

Been a long long time since you said “just wanna be friends”

Youre still not speaking to me but I want this to end

Please tell me what’s wrong


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Sun Feb 14, 2021 9:56 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey there, 1234 is here with a very short review perhaps an extremely short one. Okay, let's jump to the review straightforward.

The repitition played a great role in your poetry work. Overall, it was an awesome, heart touching, sympathising, sad and also a rhythmic poem.

You do have a great potential as a writer. Keep it up! Hope this review helps you.
Bye!!!




LilPWilly says...


Thanks!



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Sun Feb 14, 2021 9:03 am
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illy7896 wrote a review...



Sorry, didn't mean that comment down below, I meant to write a review.
I love your rhyming structure in this, it's very effective and heartfelt and also the repetition that you used. It's written in such a simple style, but the words still sync up really well, which is awesome.
'I look away for a second and you changed

I can’t believe just how much that we’ve aged

When it’s only been one hundred and sixty two days'

I love this line, it's very relatable and applies to time slipping away and the past getting further from you. And you've also rhymed in a very clever way with the one hundred and sixty two days.

I hope that if this is true, that they are okay

I enjoyed reading this piece :)




LilPWilly says...


Thank you! I really appreciate this because simple was just what I was going for. Yes, I wrote this about a real person, and unfortunately I%u2019m too far away to know how they%u2019re feeling. So me too lol



illy7896 says...


No problem



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110 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 110

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Sun Feb 14, 2021 8:53 am
illy7896 says...







We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot