I’ve spent all my life trying to make you proud
But I’ve been isolated made to speak too loud
I’ve thought about the end whenever no ones around
I’ve tried to play pretend but now I’m angry
.
Do you think you tell the truth
Cause I would never lie to you
But when you try to get to me
Sometimes you do
.
And when I take all the blame
I hate the way you say my name
You try to cover up your shame
You make me feel the same
.
When I’m at home, ohh
I’m never more alone
I’m terrified ohh
To see your name on my phone
Since I’ve found someone who sees it
I’ve felt such a sense of freedom
why can’t my home, ooh ooh
Feel more like home
.
I don’t mean to say I hate you
I admit I want to leave
There’s just so much that you hate
That I think I really need
I need quiet
I need space
I need friends
And my own place
I need a home
A home
.
(Breakdown)
When I’m at home, ohh
I’m never more alone
I’m terrified ohh
To see your name on my phone
Since I’ve found someone who sees it
I’ve felt such a sense of freedom
why can’t my home, ooh ooh
Feel more like home
.
(Full tracks)
ohh
I’m never more alone
I’m terrified ohh
To see your name on my phone
Since I’ve found someone who sees it
I’ve felt such a sense of freedom
why can’t my home, ooh ooh
.
(Only track)
Feel more like home
This is such a sweet song! Especially this part:" I don’t mean to say I hate you
I admit I want to leave
There’s just so much that you hate
That I think I really need
I need quiet
I need space
I need friends
And my own place
I need a home
A home
." This part really moved me. This song also has such powerful words full of emotion! It's really lovely.
This is very emotional song. And I love that.
It follows your experiences with abusive parents. How they blamed you for their problems and not themselves. They relied on you to emotionally support themselves and you couldn't do that for yourself. Not even your parents would.
These events caused you to make you feel that your home didn't feel like home.
You needed friends, support, peace. You wanted a place that felt like home.
it has so many powerful lines Like "I'm terrified oh to see your name on my phone." or "I'm never more alone."
It's a wonderfully made song and filled with emotion and meaning. And I hope you are in a better place now after all that.
Wow, I loved this. Really reminded me of some songs I've heard. Even though it may not have a consistent beat, its words are powerful enough to carry the song.
Suggestion
Maybe try to keep a consistent beat. Other than that, it's lovely!
Wow this is such an amazing song! The power in this song shows that you have real genuine feelings for the story behind it. The song is really well written and I can picture this blasting on the radio some day.
Some suggestions I have are...
1. Have a constant rhyme scheme- in the first stanza you seem to have an AAB scheme but in the second it changes, and again in the third. I know not everything has to be constant all the time but I personally think it will flow better if it has more similarities in rhyme.
2. the word "angry"- I know that this fits in with the other suggestion I have but in that first stanza the word angry sticks out. It is a bit of a simple word. you could possibly change it to something more powerful like furious, or outraged
3. "to see your name on my phone", and "since I've found someone who sees it" - this isn't that big but what do those two lines mean?
Some things I LOVED...
1. The energy- the way you built it up was PERFECTION. starting off slow and hooking the listener and then BAM the song hits you with wonderful emotion and energy.
2. the onomatopoeia- all the oohs made it seem very musical and i'm glad you wrote them in.
Altogether this is an incredible song and even in its early stages it is much better than most other songs out there. Keep writing!!
Your friend
Evz
114,206 Literary Works • 615,602 Reviews
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