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12+

Dead.

by Liberty500


"It's weird being dead." The dead body said as he got out of his grave for the 500th party that year. His name was Bob.

"No it's not, I actually like it." Another male dead body caught up to his friend and smiled. His name was Billy. "Why do you think it's weird?"

It was midnight, and everyone was gathering at the middle of the graveyard for the party that happens five hundred times a year. It's crazy how it works. The dead people are supposed to die so that they can be at peace - not at parties. But it was an obligation for everyone to go, so Bob had no choice. If he did, he would've stayed in his grave forever.

"I don't know. It doesn't feel normal." Bob shrugged. Then winced, because he remembered that the broken shoulder was the main reason he died. It still hurt. It was that bad.

"Of course it doesn't!" Billy smacked his friends' shoulder - the one that got hurt.

"Hey!" Bob cried. He wished he could disappear into thin air and never return. Just go to Heaven. He want to have peace. Not parties. He frowned as they approached the middle of the spooky graveyard. Their graves were at the very end so it was a long walk to the middle, but this felt like a very short one.

"Uncle Bob?" He felt someone tug at his tunic. He turned around and saw his niece. He was so glad, that someone he knew well was going to be there with him. Poor Angel had died because of liver cancer. She needed peace too.

"Yes, hon?" Bob smiled.

"Can we go somewhere else? I don't want to go to these useless parties."

"I know you don"t my angel, but you know well and good that these are the rules around here."

"But what if a human sees us?" she shivered as a tear rolled down her dirty check. Bob wiped it away. Everyone at the graveyard remembers that time when a dead body walked on the road and a human saw her. She was instantly killed. Again. In graveyards, if one dies while one is dead, they will never be able to awake ever again. And that her was Billy's mom.

As everyone filled into the abandoned house that was in the middle of the graveyard, Bob looked around for his niece. She was no where in sight! He panicked and started looking around. He went into the house. Nothing. He went to her grave. Nothing. He went to the road. Nothing. Before he could get back into the graveyard, a human saw him. He screamed in terror and before he knew it, the last thing he heard before he died for good was the shot of a gun. 

Angel, popping out from behind one of the pine trees, yelled for everyone, but no one came out. No one helped. Her only family... Was dead. She had no one in the world now. 

Her uncle was...

Dead.


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93 Reviews


Points: 2391
Reviews: 93

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Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:21 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey, Che here for a quick review!

It was really cool seeing what you did with my prompt! The story I wrote was so different so it was great to see how you interpreted it! This story had humour, which was great and actually made me laugh out loud a few times. There was also action and suspense and an emotional touch! All in one short story! There were nogrammatical errors I spotted so that's amazing!

I'll just point a little thing I think you could improve a little :-)

Bob shrugged. Then winced, because he remembered that the broken shoulder was the main reason he died.

In my opinion, this should all be once sentence, with a comma after "shrugged"

I think that's the only bit I would change!

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)




Liberty500 says...


Thank you for the review! <3



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Tue Apr 16, 2019 4:23 am
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Tawsif wrote a review...



Liberty500, though I'm not a big fan of fantasies, you made me really like this one's concept. Well done!

Just a few comments from my side:

"It's weird being dead." The dead body said as he got out of his grave for the 500th party that year. His name was Bob.

Maybe it's better if you don't tell the readers about the dead body straightaway. I prefer: "It's weird being dead." Bob said as he got out of his grave for the 500th party that year.

Her only family... Was dead.

Since the word 'dead' is the main hook in your story, I think you should mention it at the very end. Like this:

She had lost her only family, having no one in the world now.

Overall, the story was a well-thought one. Appreciate it!




Liberty500 says...


Thank you very much. :D I'm glad you liked this! :D




The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree