We were at their house, enjoying a movie with popcorn.
Knock knock!
''Oh, that must be Tabitha and her brothers!'' My friend - Natasha - exclaimed. She ran to the door and opened it to see exactly who she wished. Tabitha. She shrieked and grabbed the little two year old in a huge hug, almost squishing the poor thing. I laughed and hopped off the couch to go hug my best friend - Tabitha.
''Stop it!'' Tabitha squiggled out of my arms and her chubby arms flew to my face grabbing my glasses. That's the only thing that stops me from hugging her. And the little mad genius figured it out.
''Fine, fine. Don't need to take my glasses!'' I grunted. Tabitha can be such a naughty little girl sometimes.
Her two older brothers, Jack and Jon sat comfortably on the red couch and started watching the movie with the rest of the kids who had been invited to the party for a get together. Jon grabbed the popcorn with such force that it flew everywhere. His mother shot him a look, daring him to eat the popcorn, when she looked away, he grabbed a handful off the ground and stuffed it in his mouth. I smiled and went to the kitchen to see my other best friend. I smiled as Izzy opened the fridge to take out the milk container for her mother.
Since the movie got boring, I went to go chit chat with Izzy. She was the total opposite of Tabitha. She's very nice and sweet. She's an angel! Unlike Tabitha...
''Hi Jewel.'' Izzy smiled at me as she stepped up onto the stool and dropped the milk container onto the counter.
''Thanks, honey.'' Izzy's mum said. ''You can go play now!'' She planted a kiss on her daughters' forehead and continued making the pizza.
''Us can play with dollies!'' She said. I nodded and followed her into her room that she shared with her seven-year-old sister. I wasn't at all surprised to see Tabitha lurking around in their jewelry box. I grabbed her and put her onto the bunk bed. On the top one. She's terrified of getting down, but she somehow makes it.
Izzy sat on her yellow rug that looks so cute with the color of their walls. A very light baby blue.
* * *
''That was such a fun game!'' I exclaimed as I flopped onto the lower bunk bed once me and Izzy had finished cleaning up. There were just a few other stuff scattered around, but we promised Izzy's mum that we'd do it later. It was just a glue stick, lip balm, a squishy, a pencil, and a few scraps of paper.
''Can us play again after?'' Izzy asked me. She said it so sweetly that I couldn't possibly —
''Tabitha!'' I squeaked as I stared at the toddler in horror. ''What in the world did you do, Tabi!?''
''Dis-gus-ting!'' She spat out the glue that she had put on her lips. You see, Tabitha loves lipsticks. And I guessed that the glue stick that we had kept out on the ground looked like a lipstick to Tabitha so she used it. I dragged her to her mother so she could wipe it off. I was shocked. Tabitha was really obsessed with lipstick.
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Hi crawlboss, Jade here to leave a short review on your cute short story, Lipstick. I really liked the plot twist, but I wish you had more buildup to it as opposed to Tabitha's life story. Like, let's see marks on the wall from where she drew on it with lipstick or her mom having to hide lipstick on shelves. The story itself is super cute, and I like all the details you bring in. This is a really fun story!
Liberty!!!
I love this! But, I'm very disappointed with the fact that it's a short-story, and not a novel. I think if your title is "Lipstick" then you should elaborate on that idea. Like you kinda did at the end. You just introduced us to the idea that Tabitha loves lipstick, so you should really build on that. Using the lipstick as an enemy to her maybe. For example, you could say that her mom doesn't like it when she wears it so it gets her in trouble when she wears it to school without her mom knowing. Or you could put a cute twist on it, and say that she's a spy, or something of that nature. I hope that you'll consider my idea. If you do, I can't wait to see how you develop the character. If you need help with a co-write, pm me.
I love your writing, and love to see your thoughts. Great job, Liberty!!!
~Gigi, The Jesus Freak
Thanks for the review! <3 Tabitha is two years old by the way. She's about to turn three soon.
But I'll figure something out. : - )
oh okay...lol Didn't catch that! Thanks! She could be like Boss Baby...just a thought
Ohhh. Neat thought.
lol thx.
Your very welcome!
lol
Personally I think your writing is amazing, and everything in the story was very funny. Do I really have any feedback for you, not really. you did such an amazing job with all the senses punctuation and capitalization. I also forgot to mention that you did great with the dialog to. Great job.
From your curious and clumsy friend,
OofOof1
Aww, thank you so much! <3
The last paragraph is pretty funny but sooooo true about toddlers. I also found that this story found a way to my heart. What I personally found that made me cringe was the way you used some grammar but beggars can't be choosers. And i get that is was supposed to be from a toddlers point of view. But good job on writing this short story.
Thanks!
AWWWE. OH MY GOSH!! I LOVEEEEE ITTTTT!!!! SO MUCH! IT IS REALLLLLYYYYYYY GOOODDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!
Lol, the caps and the repetition of letters, TOTALLY does NOT give it away.
Lmao, thank you.
lol XD
I am that elephant XD
XD