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Dream Vacation (More like: Dream Heaven)

by Liberty


I'll be in a large field. I'll be sitting on a beautiful quarter horse mare and she'll be doing a beautiful and smooth canter. So smooth, that you could read a book. That leads to the next point: I'll be reading the best book that I had ever published! It'll be a fantasy book, full of mystery, suspense, action, and thriller. 

My mare - her name will be Queen - will stop at one point, and I'll sit down on the lush green grass. I'll sit down and my comfortable, velvety blue dress will flare all around me. Queen will curl up behind me and slowly fall into a peaceful sleep. 

A deer will come my way. It will cautiously walk over to me, and Queen will suddenly awaken. It won't scare the deer. It will bring comfort to its heart. It will come to me faster and lay down in front of me. 

I will look up at the sun, shielding my eyes, and smile at how magnificent it will look as it will set. It will be a color soothing to the eye. It will be a deep shade of orange. I will close my eyes and breath in the fresh air and exhale. Opening my eyes, I'll look around and watch the blooming flowers. 

I will smell freshly baked cookies. My horse and deer will awaken at me squealing when I find a whole plate of crispy, chewy, milk chocolate chip cookies in front of me. I will take a seat back on the grass and bite into the delicious cookie. I will think of a warm glass of milk and it will appear before me.

Life will be like Heaven. 

It will be.


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98 Reviews


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Fri Sep 13, 2019 8:53 am
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Asith wrote a review...



Aww, I love this!
Your descriptions are easily the best part. It's hard to write to piece that readers can enjoy when there's no actual plot, but your descriptions and genuineness make this work!

One thing I'd like to see more of, is just more everything! Brevity is a talent, sure, but since all you're doing here is describing your dream world, really describe it! What does the field really look like? What does the world surrounding the field look like? What about the sky, before the sunset? What's on the horizon? Things like that; make this a dream world, instead of a dream scene. Describe the whole thing, not just the events you enjoyed ;p

Regardless, this is still great <3




Liberty says...


Thank you for the review!



Liberty says...


Thank you for the review!



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Sun Jul 14, 2019 5:03 pm
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Tawsif wrote a review...



I loved the story. You used strong and engaging imagery throughout the piece which added to my pleasure.

There are moments in our life when we have these dreams, these impossible wishes. We crave to live in a world where all our wants will be met. Such thoughts distract us from the odds of our lives. And every single person in the world have these thoughts, at least at some point in their lives. I'm not an exception either.

Again, loved reading it. Keep writing.




Liberty says...


Thanks!



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Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:30 pm
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Dreamy wrote a review...



Hi, Liberty.

Nice description of what your dream vacation would be like-- a deer and a horse, freshly baked cookies and all. You have also mentioned in your title that it could be a dream heaven too. Which I think is possible, but it wouldn't just have horses and deer. It would have pairs of the animals there is-- that exists on the planet Earth. Seeing it is YOUR dream, I'll leave it as you've written it.

I read in the description of this work that this is an assignment of some sorts, if so, I wonder if the assignment had a word limit. If it doesn't, then I urge to elaborate the dreaminess of your vacation a little bit more. Things like what will you be wearing, will the animals talk-- they certainly cook (as per this sentence):

My horse and deer will awaken at me squealing when I find a whole plate of crispy, chewy, milk chocolate chip cookies in front of me.


so why not talk as well. ;) Or did they magically appear like the warm glass of milk?

Keep writing!

Cheers!




Liberty says...


No word limit. I'll think about what you have said. Thanks for the review!



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Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:43 pm
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hey there Liberty!

I'm Elinor, and I'm here to give you a quick review on this piece. From what I understand, this is a short piece about what your dream vacation would look like, right? If so, I love that concept, and I'm excited to dive in to this story.

You did a good job of setting the scene and what exactly your dream vacation would look like. It's clear and vivid. The main comment that I would give this piece is to really make the reader feel like we're there. Rather than share the details in hypotheticals, write this as though you are there. What does it look and feel like? What's happening in the fantasy book? How do the flowers smell? What's around? Mountains, fields, rivers? Are you near houses, buildings or in the middle of nature? Are you laying in the grass or is there a blanket? Did you bring the cookies with you? How does the sun feel on your arms?

When and if you rewrite this, imagine you're there and just write from your heart, and I think this will be a powerful story indeed. I definitely got the sense of it. In other words, show us, don't just tell. ;)

Please don't hesitate to reach out with questions.

All the best,

Elinor




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!




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