Young Writers Society

Aww, I love this!
Your descriptions are easily the best part. It's hard to write to piece that readers can enjoy when there's no actual plot, but your descriptions and genuineness make this work!

One thing I'd like to see more of, is just more everything! Brevity is a talent, sure, but since all you're doing here is describing your dream world, really describe it! What does the field really look like? What does the world surrounding the field look like? What about the sky, before the sunset? What's on the horizon? Things like that; make this a dream world, instead of a dream scene. Describe the whole thing, not just the events you enjoyed ;p

Regardless, this is still great <3

I loved the story. You used strong and engaging imagery throughout the piece which added to my pleasure.

There are moments in our life when we have these dreams, these impossible wishes. We crave to live in a world where all our wants will be met. Such thoughts distract us from the odds of our lives. And every single person in the world have these thoughts, at least at some point in their lives. I'm not an exception either.

Again, loved reading it. Keep writing.

Hi, Liberty.

Nice description of what your dream vacation would be like-- a deer and a horse, freshly baked cookies and all. You have also mentioned in your title that it could be a dream heaven too. Which I think is possible, but it wouldn't just have horses and deer. It would have pairs of the animals there is-- that exists on the planet Earth. Seeing it is YOUR dream, I'll leave it as you've written it.

I read in the description of this work that this is an assignment of some sorts, if so, I wonder if the assignment had a word limit. If it doesn't, then I urge to elaborate the dreaminess of your vacation a little bit more. Things like what will you be wearing, will the animals talk-- they certainly cook (as per this sentence):

My horse and deer will awaken at me squealing when I find a whole plate of crispy, chewy, milk chocolate chip cookies in front of me.

Hey there Liberty!

I'm Elinor, and I'm here to give you a quick review on this piece. From what I understand, this is a short piece about what your dream vacation would look like, right? If so, I love that concept, and I'm excited to dive in to this story.

You did a good job of setting the scene and what exactly your dream vacation would look like. It's clear and vivid. The main comment that I would give this piece is to really make the reader feel like we're there. Rather than share the details in hypotheticals, write this as though you are there. What does it look and feel like? What's happening in the fantasy book? How do the flowers smell? What's around? Mountains, fields, rivers? Are you near houses, buildings or in the middle of nature? Are you laying in the grass or is there a blanket? Did you bring the cookies with you? How does the sun feel on your arms?

When and if you rewrite this, imagine you're there and just write from your heart, and I think this will be a powerful story indeed. I definitely got the sense of it. In other words, show us, don't just tell.

Please don't hesitate to reach out with questions.

All the best,

Elinor