Young Writers Society

I like the idea of a poem describing a dragon, but it doesn't feel like the poem goes anywhere. I think if there was some metaphor, narrative, or conflict this poem would be a lot more striking. Although poetry doesn't always have to be narrative, it does seem to make it stick a bit better if it has some narrative elements - even if the reader has to fill in many of the details by their self.

I like the little chorus you added in, and wonder if you thought of even developing the poem into a song - it might a be an interesting metaphor for some sort of triumphalism.

You have a nice way of using formal language that doesn't feel too hollow, and I particularly like the last two lines of the poem - I think that's a good an unique description. I do really feel like the poem needs to go somewhere still though.

You might try taking out the rhyme scheme and just free-writing to see where the poem goes. Then if you decide the poem would benefit from rhyme, write it again with your newly written narrative framework in mind. Sometimes writing in a certain set form stifles creativity, so you either want to enter with creativity or abandon the form until your work is ready for it.

Good luck in future writing, I'd like to see some more of your work on the site!

alliyah

Very pretty and magical.
I have not read a lot of poetry, but I really enjoyed the simplicity of this.
I love mythical beasts and fiction in general and dragons are definitely at the top of my list.
For some reason, I felt a little sad for this particular dragon. Described as "odd" and "strange" I have the impression that he is not considered normal and possible considered an outsider for being different.
I am really curious about the author's hidden meaning.
I really liked this, please keep writing more poetry!
- SilentWriter

Very pretty and mysterious. Are u talking about all dragons in general or a specific one? I really love the description. Since joining YWS I've developed a deeper appreciation for poetry. I always loved it, but this place - it's just incredible to read works like this. Please keep up the great work. I could see a black dragon taking flight and spinning high in the sky.
-Shieldmaiden

Hello! Just here for a quick review.

Themes

From what I gather, this is about the destructive, beast-like nature of a helicopter. Yet it seems to be left ambiguous (using "strange" and "odd" as descriptors) as to whether the poem views this as negative or positive, which I found interesting.

Structure

1.) I notice the only punctuation you use here are commas. Perhaps you could consider varying your punctuation marks to create effects? For instance, you could use dashes to convey the speed and action of a moving helicopter:

"A most strange beast,
Without touch he fells.
A most strange beast -
fire spewed through metal shells."

2.) I think you could try something with syllable counts as well. The poem comes off as unique because it seems to be structured around the short syllable lines "A most odd dragon" (5 syllables) and "A most strange beast" (4 syllables). However, syllable counts for the other lines seem random (7 . . . 8 . . . 5. . . 7). If you were to use a 5 syllable quatrain followed by another 4 syllable quatrain, for instance, you could create a more regular, drumming effect to your helicopter poem.

Language

1.) Just wanted to say I really like the dragon metaphor, and how you've linked each aspect of the helicopter to it.

2.) When reading this, I get a little stuck on some lines, for instance, "Rising up with not a limbs bend". The plural "limbs" didn't seem to make sense to me. It's great that you try to keep a consistent rhyme scheme, and personally, I think coherence should go hand-in-hand with rhyming; I wouldn't want someone to read a perfectly-rhymed line of mine and yet come away not understanding what was said. Perhaps consider rephrasing some of your lines so they flow better and are easier to comprehend grammatically, for example:

"Rising up with not a limb's bend"
"His enemies he fells"

Overall

A concise, creative piece in my opinion! Hopefully, some of these comments are helpful to you, and keep writing