Young Writers Society

Hey! K1553 here with a review.

I really love this poem. It was honest, and clear, and down-to-Earth. The way you put the words together can only be described as beautiful. For example:
"i do not love god as they do
i do not live life as they do
i do not believe as they believe and yet
between the four of us"
and
"there is some kind of wonderment
there is some kind of odd, off-kilter humanity

where i meet god and god's girls meet me
and i still do not believe as they believe."

Those two parts really stuck out to me. I think you put a lot of meaning into few words. I could see you with the girls, and imagine what it was like, how your feelings were towards them.

I can't really think of anything to criticize. So thank you for this poem, and keep writing.

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So obviously I'm a little late to the party, but I'm getting to the reviews that I promised now, and that's what matters. A little sad that it wasn't still in the Green Room, though, since I expected to be the one knocking it out. Regardless, let's delve right into the review and give what I feel are my overall emotions about the piece. Your poetry is very honest and speaks a theme clearly where the reader doesn't have to be guessing around for what you were trying to get across.

At the same time, there's depth behind this poem that is basically saying, in short, 'I do not believe what you believe, but I can still love and respect you." You, in this case, being 'those sweet mormon girls'. And with that, we've already got a basis for what this poem has been built around. I'm supposing that this speaker is directly you in this case, though this can apply to anyone who isn't Mormon, I'm supposing.

I found the work to contain a theme that's quite pleasing for all to hear or to experience. People who are Mormon can identify with this poem. People who aren't Mormon can see this and identify with this poem, whether it's someone of another religion, or someone with a lack of religion. That's what I believe is so special about this poem and why so many people have shown a connection to it.

And it's effective! I'm not even sure if that happened to be your intent while writing the poem, but that's how I've perceived it. I agree with Dest in that part of why this poem is so effective is because of the sincerity. There isn't a direct need for powerful imagery that grips the reader or the use of poetic devices, because it's told in a pretty straightforward manner. I do have to say, though, the structure in this piece is quite excellent and you do well in making the repetition work.

Though if I did have to say something that's more of an outright critique is that this poem could have been made more effective by some more direct or personal examples of your experiences with those Mormon girls. At the same time, I'd suggest thinking it over before doing anything since I do believe that the poem could also be benefiting from the looseness of the speaker and how the reader can easily fit into that role. Just a thought, though, and you don't have to if you don't want to because it's already a solid poem.

So I enjoyed this and for a poem it definitely has a widespread appeal, even if you intended to only write it for yourself, because it speaks a handful of universal truths that anyone can get behind. And with that, I hope I helped and have a great day, Raye!

Hello!

yes, there are still people doing good in the world
even if i can't agree with them
can't love as they love
can't live as they live

Goodness. This poem touched me deeply. I can't express how wonderful it is to see something on the internet that doesn't degrade my religion. Just... thank you. Thank you so much. I hope that I can be one of those "sweet mormon girls" for someone. <3

I love this poem! You are so gifted with writing. This work is so descriptive, and your usage of words is very refreshing. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read another one of your poems!

Let me be honest. I'm having a rough several weeks and I wasn't going to leave a review for this because I am lazy and unrealistically depressed. However, this work deserves a review, if not praise. It didn't make me happy, though not much does, but I felt contentment and hope resonating within this piece and I think that's about as good as anyone can get out of me right now. I liked your flow and how effortless it was, the repetition really did you wonders in this aspect. I'm not a fan of Mormons but I could get behind what you were saying an I think I have a different way of thinking about people now than I did before I read this. There are so many fake people in this world, so much unnecessary drama yet you have those girls who seem so keen in their purpose and so devout and... un-fake. Whatever they may truly be, what they stand for for you is a kind of hopefulness and belief that brings you another level of contentment. Like I said I have never though about people in this way but I have always wondered if maybe in humanity's great rush to the future, we are forsaking certain aspects of ourselves and in turn tearing us apart. Social media and the trivialities we obsess over today give way to our loss of self and only enhance our unhappiness as we need more and more. I saw this point in where you mentioned your own life compared to theirs in a moment of introspection. Yet we are so far in the hole, I don't think we can get out. Even I realize the issues before me yet I make no move to improve upon the situation of things because it's easy and convenient, I watch myself waste away into idle pass times where as my ancestors slaved over things and were worlds happier and more fulfilled even with their assuredly shorter lifespans. As far as the work itself, I really appreciated your lack of capitalization and simple syntax, it adds to the relaxed thoughtful tone of the piece. Despite there not being oodles of imagery, I could see perfectly everything you described and it even struck a cord inside me as I was reading this. You have a strong writers voice and I envy you for being able to convey such a tame emotion effectively, I find I am only able to convey extreme sadness or extreme joy and not even to the degree of success which you have demonstrated here.

I feel like I am rambeling so goodbye and good work.