Radrook here for a review. Please note that any comment I give is meant to help and not to offend. But if I accidentally do offend, you have my apologies beforehand.
Thanks for sharing this poem that seems to express the state of great depression that the speaker is experiencing and which he or she likens to a struggle not to drown in a dark pool of water. What exactly that darkness is isn't clarified nor hinted. A reader is just told how the speaker feels. Of course that engenders empathy and deep concern in normal humans and since empathy seems to be what the poem is seeking then it must be deemed a success in the majority of cases unless the reader happens to be of the extremely callous kind who doesn't care or else enjoys inflicting and observing human suffering.
Suggestions
Since I hesitated at the end of each line wondering whether to stop or pause, I would have preferred a traditionally punctuated poem.
I would find synonyms for darkness to avoid word repetition. One way to avoid word repetitions is by using pronouns. Another is by using synonyms such as gloom, shadow, submerge, denizens, surrender to, release, succumb, abundant, binds, below, liquid.
Interesting poem. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
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