Wow. This is good
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-Hands-
In desperation I search, trying to find myself I look.
I search and search, for my heart is lost.
Too scared to run, too scared to move.
Paralyzed by pain and fear, I search.
I fight to live as I stagger at the pain.
I sit beside me, staring at what I see.
I shake my head at what I made.
I fight to not watch the pain I created.
The pain I will always see.
As I twitch in emptiness my eyes begin to see.
The more they find, the more it hurts.
They look at me as a piece of meat.
Trembling legs, weak arms, and scars from defeat.
I fight myself because of what I see.
It's me that I'm looking at, and me that won't succeed.
I stare and look, searching for answers, for that I concede.
I shred my self and my soul with my eyes.
They are too strong for me, and for that I am paralyzed.
I see my hands as the grasper of pain.
They are the retriever of all I have received from me.
As my hands fight back, I see.
I am only what I want to be, and I still have a chance to defeat me...
Hey there!
I really enjoyed reading this poem, not least because I have a soft spot for all writing with a sensory bent (by which I mean corporeal imagery), which I thought really fleshed out the message and made it so powerful. There are a few main points I want to draw your attention to, which is how I'm hoping to structure this review.
First of all, I couldn't help noticing the repetition of 'see' throughout the poem (though I do see that you've been offered synonyms, which works!). I'm wondering if that's a deliberate word choice, however -- which is almost a little strange to point out, given that the poem itself is titled 'Hands'. While reading, my mind leapt briefly to a connection between touch and sight, and I wondered if hands could 'see'; this led me to reconsider my initial assumption that the poem was written from a human perspective. Of course, this might be a whole lot of imaginative conjecture, and maybe you didn't mean for that to happen at all, but I just thought I'd point it out for the sake of interest!
Going on from that, there's this section:
The pain I will always see.
As I twitch in emptiness my eyes begin to see.
I shred my self and my soul with my eyes.
They are too strong for me, and for that I am paralyzed.
I see my hands as the grasper of pain.
I fight to live as I stagger at the pain.
I sit beside me, staring at what I see.
I shake my head at what I made.
I fight to not watch the pain I created.
This is a very intense expression of the frustration felt when we try our best and it just isn’t good enough. We realize that the only one to blame for our misery is ourselves. We must defeat that self in order to succeed. My favorite line of many is the last one because it is so very profound.
I am only what I want to be, and I still have a chance to defeat me...
Hiya! Space here for a review!
I got a lot of different vibes from this poem. You/the protagonist seemed to be talking about some mysterious group of people ("they look at me as a piece of meat", "they are the retriever of all I have received of me"). My first thought was that this could be society or the people that this person is surrounded by, as if they are threatening you or make you feel alienated or highlighted in some way. Of course, the line "they are the retriever of all I have received from me" made it seem like "they" were not really a bad guy.
What I got from this was that this person/you was talking about themselves in many ways, finding themselves and battling the people around them as they struggle to "defeat" themselves. I got a lot of hints of this person fighting themselves, but the end also seemed to be them urging themselves on--"I am only what I want to be".
Wow, I'm probably making no sense right now. XD
What I'm trying to say was, it's a very in-depth poem, and I enjoyed it.
Good job!
-Space the Snickerdoodle
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I hope you guys like it, it took me a while to write this.
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