Young Writers Society

Hi! Space here for a review.

Let's start with why I clicked on it. The concept of masks is something that I generally mention when writing about things like sadness and depression, I find it a great metaphor when you try to hide your true feelings in order to either push others away or make yourself happy. There is a big difference between a smile on a mask and a true smile.

It is a very heart-felt poem, with a very sad topic that is unfortunately referenced in a lot poems and stories because these kinds of things affect a lot of people. I personally know how this feels, and I can say you conveyed it in a very realistic way that people like me can relate to.

I kind of expected the topic, or whatever I was going to read, so maybe make it deeper, with a few added things like twists, examples and explaining why you/the protagonist feels like this. Maybe make the rhymes a bit more even so it rolls off the tongue easily.

Other then those few recommendations, I found this to be a very nice poem, with a deep meaning that touched my heart and possibly others because of the somewhat dark meaning that you could clearly see through the way you described it.

Great job!

-Space the Snickerdoodle

this reminds me of that animation of the glass boy and his mask. Throughout the video, things happen but the mask is there so it seems fine. at the end though, he takes it off and reveals his face is shattered underneath. Lots of people feel this, fake smile, fake laugh, hiding behind the mask. I relate to this and I think this is very well done. you really are good at conveying emotion to the reader and I applaud you for that. keep writing my dude

I love this! I often feel like I am putting on a fake image to avoid confrontation of my problems too.

Hi there! A very short review here for a piece with simple flaws that can be made wonderful with a bit of TLC. Let's talk about it.

So the main gripe I have here is that there's no congealed narrative that evokes the imagery of this poem--instead we receive some vague details about how the narrator feels and some personal notes about what they go through. What I'd rather see is less navel gazing and more through the eyes of the narrator. After all, showing is greater than telling, and it's an adage that shouldn't be forgotten.

Your concept is solid here, albeit a bit contrived, but if you were to pull off proper execution, I think you'd have a glowing piece of poetry on your hands. So ask yourself these questions when revising:

1. Have I shown the reader what the narrator has gone through to evoke emotion?
2. Have I read the poem aloud to match my breathing so the flow is smooth?
3. Is there enough material to evoke emotion / too much material to bury emotion?
4. How do I demonstrate each facet of my 'fake self' mentioned in the piece?

If you can address these questions and issues, I'm certain you'll be highly pleased with the outcome.

All the best,
Ty

Wow, this is great! I love it!

Lake, I love your newest poem. You have a real talent for putting your emotions into poetry. I have no suggestions, as truly you seem to have this down. Your message seems to be that you are constantly under the struggle of hiding your true (unhappy/depressed) self from others, instead choosing to wear a "Happy Mask".

What is wrong? You need help?

Is all they will ask.

So I have decided

To live behind a happy mask...

I wrote something like this at one point, and I now things get hard. But thinking through positive thoughts helps a lot.

Hey, Lake! I know what you mean, I think about this everyday after any social interaction hehe... But this reminded me of a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnZlYZBRDuI hope you like it!

I love it! I can totally relate.

I know that I seem the best possible person to you guys, but...not exactly.

@Flumadiddle @RavenLord @snowmonkey9 @emolemon (emocinnafriutbun XD) @Rydia @Lumi @WhosabellCanWrite @woahhitherepal @KatieC @LKSpinoza @Iggy @EternalRain @Omnom @MJTucker @sheytato @nickelgotyourback @saentiel @Helena13 @VegasLights @KatjaDawn @TheBlueCat @AnneTaylor @CocoaCat @Danni88 @jemming17 @Begstita1 @SqueakieSilverShadow

Hope you guys don't put pity on me for it...