Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
I don't think I'm okay right now.
I can;t really think.
I act happy in front of everyone I know, saying, "That's so relatable!" or "XD! lol!"
But I don't mean it.
Everyone takes me for granted.
They tell me I'm so fucking nice, and that I've made a difference in a small world I happen to call home.
It's not true.
So many others do that for many different reasons that actually make a difference.
I know what I am:
Ugly-I've tried fixing it. I can't get rid of it.
Fat-To be honest, I've tried starving myself, but nothing worked, I just kept eating.
Dumb-You think that, but it's the fact that I have better things to do than waste your time by having you read this.
Pathetic-Well....you aren't wrong. I don't talk. I don't do anything meaningful with my life. I'm worthless.
Nothing-Yep...my favorite out of all of these. You all say I'm "something". And I don't think you know what it's like to meet me and be friends with me. One day I'll act like you're the greatest person alive and treat you like my long lost sibling. The next day I'll act so somber you won't even notice and ask me what's wrong that you're used to this routine. Then the next day, I don't talk to you, or anyone. I just ignore you completely, call you the most terrible person in this possible world.
I don't think you guys understand. My best friends don't get it. They think that I suffer from depression too, I'm suicidal just like them. That I'm just as quiet as they are.
I'm not. I want the attention even if I don't admit it. And when I do get attention, I brush it off. I feel like there's nothing to be recognized about me. And there isn't. To be honest, when I say I suffer from a mental illness, there's more going on behind the scenes I'll never talk about. The things I know but my mom thinks I don;t know about. Like how she almost gave me up for adoption. You're welcome mom, I heard ya loud and clear. The things that people expect me not to be. Yep, you expect me to be the outsider, and I have met those guidelines. You are very welcome. I bet you'd love that.
So...what I'm trying to say is that...everything with you guys is awesome, you have great lives and people treat you okay, but me....? What is there to say? I'm amazing? No. That's an overstatement. What I mean is that I want help but I refuse it, I don't want you to care for me. I'm not worth wasting your time over. And for those of you who "signed a contract the moment we became friends", well, it's nice to know you did that, but all you did was waste your precious time.
I'm sorry if this upset someone, this is probably just a little vent about the way I am. But what I'm guessing I'm saying to you all is this: I should just die. You all just wasted your months and seconds and precious minutes you could've used on other people. Please. Please forget about me. While I'm gone, never mention my name. Please. That's all I ask.
And if you do that, thank you. For everything. In a way, you helped me without even knowing it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
First off, thank you for expressing how so many people feel, including a younger version of myself. If this is how you actually feel, as someone who's been there before, please seek help. I promise, life is so much more beautiful than you think it is. And no, this isn't all your fault.
As a literary work, this reads a lot like a monologue. Add some blocking, and you're pretty much there. However, if this was intended to address a large group of people, possibly consider changing it so that it addresses one person to add more of an impact on the reader. Instead of making the reader feel like they're being addressed along with many others, address just the reader. It adds to the power of the piece.
That's really the only critique I have for this piece. Overall, really great job, and keep writing!
Thanks for sharing this very powerful expression of your emotions. If indeed you feel this way, then I would suggest that you seek professional help. Sometimes such emotions and even thoughts can be caused by cerebral neural transmitter imbalances that can be easily corrected via medication such as zoloft. So it is definitely worth the time and effort to try that solution.
Decades ago, all that doctors could do was knock you out with Thorazine. But Thorazine did nothing to assuage the thoughts causing the anxiety. Today Zoloft and other such medicines go to the root of the problem.
About the writing itself, here are some suggestions:
I can[’]t
A question mark would be better than a hyphen:
Ugly?
Fat?
Dumb?
Pathetic?
well[,]
Nothing?
....worse posssible person...
Oh, wow. This was so powerful! Every line was like a stab to the gut - and beieve me, I'm not easy to stir. I also really liked your style of writing, which may be partly because I've written plenty of things like this as well (And made about fourteen people hate me because of it.). you aren't going to belive me when I say this but I know pretty much how you feel, too, or rather I think I know how you feel. When I write things like this, I feel angry, sad, bitter, apologetic and I also never know exactly what I'm feeling at the same time.
As this is a review, I must give you some proper feedback as well, which I hardly want to do because, online, I am a rubbish critique! Therefore, I will also tell you not to apologise for the things you have written. It over-complicates things and also it lightens the mood of the piece, making it less effective. I am not, however, going to ask you to change anything. There is nothing of the technical sort wrong with this piece of writing and, as it is an emotional piece, I wish to say nothing further; it is your emotion which directs the flow of the writing and so the content cannot be much criticized.