You hide in the dark so they can't see your tears;
Pain is all you've known all these years.
Cuts on your wrists and blood on the bed,
To try to kill the pain that's in your head.
The hatred and negativity you want to cease,
Just so for once your mind feels at peace.
Please throw those pills and blades away,
So you can live yet another day.
There is hope, just wait and see;
Love yourself and you will be free.
Listen to the bird's sing and the trees sway;
Embrace the sun and let your fears melt away.
Grab a coffee and talk to a friend,
They are God's treasures with an ear to lend.
Breathe in fresh air and take a stroll in the woods,
And smile as often as you should.
Look in the mirror; you're beautiful as you are
With your imperfections and your scars.
Please remember there is no one else like you;
You are loved and that is true.
When it's dark, seek the light.
Love others with all your might.
Be happy, for without a doubt,
You'll realize this is what life is all about.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,225 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Hello~ here's my review!
This elicited a wonderful essence of positivity <3
The development from a dark, forlorn state into a beautiful, illuminated one! Setting the mood and shifting the tone after complication adheres to the natural story arc of a strong start and a fitting ending :} ! The manner in which the character speaks conveys their triumph and survival, reaching out to us in turn, to overcome our own burdens and make it out in one piece on the other end!
I think one improvement I'd like to see from this piece is the *transitioning* from one stage into the next. You mention:
^ Smoothening this segment out, I'd rework the lines into something like:
"The hatred and negativity you want to cease
just so for once your mind feels at peace,
but I urge you: live another day,
and throw those pills and blades away."
^ Notice the difference; the flow is more seamless, allowing for the poem to unravel more naturally. Other than that, I thought the poem was delightful! A beacon of hope for those struggling!~ It's nice to see for a change!
~ I hope you found this helpful.
Keep writing! :}
Wonderful.
I will not ask whether this is spoken from experience, because even if not it is good.
Part of me dose however think the pain being talked about in the beginning could be kept a little more ambiguous.
However it being more ambiguous may also take away from the message.
Im on the fence, but thats really more my problem.
I really enjoy how the Pain dose not outnumber Love, it makes it feel more hopeful and meaningful.
This dose not feel like just another pessimist whining.
This feels like an optimistic person who went through some hard times.
And i like that.
Great poem! (Rhyming poems are my favorite) Good moral too. I would review it but there really isn't anything to review. I look forward to seeing more from you. Until then, happy writing!
<333
Amazing poem!
This has a nice turn around. You might want to try to be more concise with your words, like when you said
is a good example of concise wording that conveys.I love this and it conveys such an important message that everyone needs to hear. You are beautiful the way you are, even though sometimes you might not feel like it. It is important that everyone understands their worth. Everyone has worth. So, thank you so much for writing this LadyShadows. Thank you for holding a torch that people around the world need to pick up. <333
Hello! Pix here to review this for you!
I really love the topic you chose for this poem, I think this is a super important message to spread, and you did a great job just lifting the energy into a positive one. I think the message is beautiful and I personally thank you for writing this, as I hope this could help someone!
The only thing I would really say about this, though, is I feel the formatting is a little distracting. I'm not sure if you intended for this to be all one stanza-- if so, ignore this, but I feel like you could seperate them into maybe four or five stanzas.
This is probrably my favorite line:
Beautifully written, and well said!
Overall, this is a beautiful poem and I can't wait to read more of your work in the future! Happy writing
-Pix
Hi Anne here with a quick review!
Your poem is magnificent!! The message being such that it should reach every person. There were various aspects of your poem I really liked..
The rhyming scheme alongwith the flow it provided to the whole poem was wonderful and well-written. The rhymes were almost perfect. The language used was powerful and targeted the heart directly.
I thought the description could be more elaborated, since it was a little hard to figure out the context in some places.
For example;
This gives the poem a separate perspective. If I read the poem in a general context, which is relatable to me, thinking of course that the poem is written for me or any reader. I might not get the point conveyed in these lines. I do face times too, when I feel I should love myself, but that doesn't necessarily mean, I've gone through all the aforementioned.
Leaving that aside...
I loved these lines. For me, they also mean that the poet is telling us that people love us, and we should love ourselves, and then we should also love others. This flows with the idea that you can't truly love others unless you feel loved or love yourself!
Very beautiful idea conveyed in a very beautiful way!! I loved reading your poem. It was absolutely amazing !!!
Keep writing because you're so good at it
And welcome back, and thanks for blessing us with such an appealing thought conveyed via this poem!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my poem. Your review means very much to me. On the first part of the poem you pointed out, I actually written that out of personal experience. Would you share how you'd round it up as more general rather than personal? I think I understand but I'm not sure if I do, which is fine! I'd like to learn more
Hi slubbs here with a short review!
I liked this poem a lot! It was super meaningful, you captured the concept perfectly and explained the beauty life has to offer.
Overall this was a well made, strong poem. The only thing I would do is maybe find a way to smooth things out. It might just be how I’m reading it.
The words you used were an excellent choice for the poem. I liked how you put detail like “Grab a coffee and talk to a friend”
If anyone is going through a rough time I hope they read this and the might be turned to move to a good path.
I enjoyed your work!
~slubbs
You have no idea how much this review means to me %uD83E%uDD7A thank you!!!
Hey! I'm here to review your poem!
First of all, it's really good! Here's how:
1. This is a really important topic to address, and it needs to be handled in a way where there aren't adults like "Enjoy your life! It's a gift! There's somebody out there who loves you! Don't hurt them, or yourself!" I mean, yeah, it's important to keep that in mind. But I'm glad that you actually went into detail CORRECTLY and explained that things are still good in a way that people are more likely to accept. THANK. YOU.
2. The grammar is really good! I didn't any grammar issues whatsoever. This is good because sometimes people only focus on grammar issues when there are any, and due to the fact that I didn't notice any, I think people will be able to pay better attention to the message than the grammar.
3. I also really like how you used specific methods of coping instead of just being like "Do what you love! You'll understand what you need to do!" You explained methods that seem like they will actually help, which is a gigantic step in the right direction. Once again, THANK. YOU.
Now, I guess I'll have to address some cons.
I noticed the con from below as well, but since that's already been pointed out, I'll talk about something else.
I think you could go a bit more into detail about ways to help cope and/or what people do when they go through this. That way, people can better understand the situation, and people can also better understand why these methods help.
Thanks for reading! Have a great day!
As I said to another person who have reviewed this piece, I feared that I was going to be rusty with poetry (and admittedly writing in general) because I wasn't on in two years, hence me not writing in two years as well. I have went through years of depression, anger, and negativity, so I know exactly how it's like to struggle. But I have also found the beauty of life and living, despite the bad and the ugly that comes my way. Yes, I do struggle with mental disorders to this day, and I will never know if I will truly get over those or not. But I, as in 2020, have felt happiness for the first time in my life despite the fact that 2020 was kind of a crappy year for all of us due to Covid-19. So, with my experience with enjoying the little things and being grateful for what I had in my life, and working to get the things I don't have in my life that I want and need, I started to become happier, and hence, why this poem came to life. Thank you for reading this piece and thank you for your review! It means a lot to me. You're also very welcome; I tried to be a little helpful by adding the little things in life so show what we can live for. By the way, I followed you for such a touching review. It honestly made my heart melt.
Hello LadyShadows! It's nice to meet you!
This poem rhymes perfectly and has a wonderful flow. I think that anyone going through a hard time would find hope in reading this. The amount of punctuation is perfect.
I found the second part of this line a bit wordy, but nothing major.
Also, I've read other poems about this subject, but they didn't have enough light in them. You've given good advice, while others just explain the pain alone.
This is my favorite part:
Wait. . . I just realized that I can't pick just one line that I like. They're all so good!
Once again, I really love this poem, and I'm going to have to bookmark this page to read it again!
-Sincerely, Mingan
Follow your heart, and nothing will go wrong. (concerning writing)
Thank you for such a lovely review. I feared that my poetry was going to be rusty just because it's been two years since I was last on (and wrote a poem) So I do thank you. I thought it was going to be wordy in general lol