12+

Agents of Time. Chapter Six. A royal castle

Verena’s boots hit cobblestone. Her breath caught in the throat. The world wobbled.

It was over. There was no going back.

A breeze dragged a few flower petals past. Spreading a heady fragrance in the moisture dense air.

“Whoa.” James gasped.

She turned. They’d appeared with their backs to a castle, standing outside the entryway, a towering structure build of yellowed stoned, towers and walls brough to extreme heights by the fact that it was all build onto a hill.

“Its huge.” James took his cap off.

“I believe it’s considered a small castle.” Verena turned away, taking in the rest of her surroundings.

They stood on a cobblestoned road, halfway between what she guessed was a gatehouse and the castles entrance. Surrounded by gently rolling hills of green grass. Off in the distance rose a town, brown roofs and sandstone walls framed by a blue sky.

It seemed that the closet qualifier for a mountain in this area, was they hill they stood on.

“Lady Parker!” A shrill voice echoed through the valleys.
“What the-“ James was torn out of his awestruck admiring and both agents instinctively shifted, standing nearly back-to-back in their search to find the source of the voice.

A small figure was propelling itself at breakneck speed.

A small boy.

“James.” She tapped him.

He stepped back, putting his cap back on his head and picked up two of the cases.

“Lady Park-” The boy reached them, huffing in between his words. “Your ladyship.” He gave a shaky bow.

“Your carriage didn’t take you to the entrance?” The boy looked at James in confusion.

“Ah- No-” before James could conjure an excuse for their standing idly between the gatehouse and castle, a figure marching confidently down the path drowned out his words.

“Your ladyship!” The new figure, a man in a neatly kept suit and combed brown hair, reached them, pulling the boy behind him, and giving a shaky bow. “My sincerest apologies, your ladyship. I am Mr. Daran, the butler of Belacruv Castle.”

“Thank you, Mr. Daran. Unfortunately, our carriage dropped us off at the gatehouse, we were just making our way up to the entrance.”

“Of course, let me escort you to the castle.” The butler gently urged Verena up the hill. “The footmen will be down momentarily to help you with the cases.” He spoke over his shoulder to James.

Verena gave James one last glance before turning her gaze back to the castle. The boy had run off Infront of them, holding his fiddler's cap to his head with one hand. Passing a pair of tall young men, dressed in stiff black and white old-fashioned suits. Of course, they were old-fashioned onlyto her. They politely nodded their heads to her as they passed.

Must be the footmen on their way to aid James.

“I’ve never received such an enthusiastic greeting before.” Technically, it was true. She’d been greeted plenty of ways, by not by a small boy with crooked teeth, full of childhood whimsy.

“Enthusiastic, yes. Again, I do apologies. He simply meant to welcome you.”

“It’s alright. He’s a boy, a fast one at that.” Somewhere in her mind, she saw James reflected in that smile. His eyes sparkled with optimism. When had they begun to dull?

They reached the entrance, a tall, arched opening with small turrets on either side. Small windows carved into the stone, where archers perched.

Wooden spikes peeked down from above. The portcullis had been pulled up. How often did they keep it raised? Had they just lifted it for her entrance? How much of a threat did the land face from outside forces? Or was it the town in the distance that the castle stood guard against?

The crunch of gravel under her shoes brought her gaze back down. A long courtyard opened in front of her. A wide, winding gravel path wove its way in a loop among the grassy grounds. AL of which surrounded the castle, at the end stood a fat round shore tower.

But more importantly, a few meters in front of her stood a line of staff. Maids dressed in black and white aprons, little caps pinned over their upswept hair.

A tall woman in a black dress adorned with a snug collar of small frills joined the butler as he waved a hand towards the maids. “These are the maids, a housekeeper, Miss. Marin.” He turned his gaze to the woman who’d joined them,

Miss Marin gave a curtsy. “Your Ladyship.” The maids followed suit. Bobbing like frilly fishing lures.

Verena gave a polite nod in response. The butler peered behind her. “If you’ll excuse me, I should be seeing to the footmen and the chauffeur you’ve brought. Miss Marin, if you will.” He said, nodding to both women.

“If you’ll come with me, milady, I’ll show you your quarters.” She turned, heading towards a pair of tall, dark wood doors re-enforced with iron strips and bolts. The maids disappeared behind her.

When Verena peeked over her shoulder, the caught sight of a frilly cap disappearing around the castle wall further in the yard. The servants' entrance must be accessed somewhere through there. Which meant there was also a separate access road for goods and supplies to be delivered.

As soon as she set foot inside the doorway, the air thickened, swallowing the noise. Her heels tapped on soft carpet, cored in a large ornate design full of swirls and motifs. A short walk out of the entrance hall led them into another square room, this one with a set of stairs winding up one side, guarded by sturdy thick wood rails, encompassing the large chandelier that hung from the raised coffered ceiling.

Down a narrow hall, notably with several long carpets set back-to-back in one continuous line. Windows lined the left wall, giving her a view out to the courtyard in the middle of the castle. Which meant they were walking down a hall in the right wing on the first floor.

The housekeeper stopped at a door, sorting through her large ring of keys, searching for the correct one.

“You certainly possess a lot of keys, Miss Marin.” She said. The housekeeper must have access to the whole house. How much trust did the royal family place in her?

“Well, there are certainly a lot of doors in the house!” The housekeeper chuckled. Finding the key she was looking for, she tested it in the lock, then handed it to Verena. “That is yours. If you lose it, let me know. I have a spare for emergencies.”

So, she had access to the room herself.

Verena filed the information away in her mind as she took the key. “Thank you.”

“Dinners at eight, Ana- the maid assignment to you will be along with the footmen and your luggage.” The housekeeper smiled and left her to explore the space on her own.

Verena let her gaze wander around the room before she slowly walked about it.

Sandstone walls framed the space on every side, a doorway leading to another room on the right. Windows draped with gauzy red curtains framed a picture view of the rolling hills beyond the castle. In-between the windows was a desk, set out with whatever one would need to write correspondence, including an expensive-looking fountain pen set in its stand. She plucked it up and examined its metal tip, pressing it to her finger until black ink bled out. It seemed new enough, not that her knowledge of fountain pens was particularly extensive.

A large four-poster bed set with pale yellow sheets and cover was set on a wall perpendicular to the window wall. A bedside table of matching wood with a quaint lamp stood on it, completed the picture.

Crossing the room from the bed, she opened the wardrobe, a small wardrobe for what a lady should have. Or was this normal? She rubbed the bridge of her nose. It was an entirely different world here. She would manage. Even if she looked a fool of a lady, she shouldn’t be here long.

The creak of the floorboards followed by the opening of her door told her the maid ha arrived. Verena closed the wardrobe and turned.
“Milady.” The woman curtsied, dipping her white-capped head. She walked over to Verena, tiling her head to look up at her. Her smile was bright as she rose and clasped her hands, green eyes framed by dark blond hair. “I’m Ana, I’ll be serving you. Are you finding everything to your satisfaction?”

No. I’m far from home, and I feel like an incompetent child cast in a strange play.

Verena nodded.” Yes.”
“I’ll start unpacking your suitcases then. Did you know what you wanted to wear for dinner?”

She had to change for dinner?

“No, I cannot quite recall everything’s that was packed.” Verena looked at the suitcases. She did remember, but having the maid suggest something would mean she’d have better chance of wearing something appropriate for dinner.

“Well, lets refresh your memory then.” The maid carried on of the cases and set it on a low long bench at the end of the bed and started gently pulling garments from it. Verena wandered closer. Feigning interest to keep an eye on the false bottom where she’d hid the mission files.

Finally, they ended up with most of it in the wardrobe, along with a few dresses anna insisted on taking and pressing, a dress for dinner was found. It was a pale blue silk dress with dark blue beaded details, that swooped into a low back, finished with a halter top fashioned in a tie around the neck.

A dress that seemed far too extravagant for dinner, but that Ana deemed perfectly wearable for her first evening in the castle. With that she once again left, arms piled with carefully folded dresses, saying she’d be back before dinner to dress her.

Well, sounds like she had some time to explore and scout out the castle then.

Making her way in the opposite direction of the stairs, which only end up being a hall of doors, all of which appeared to be other guests' rooms, the furniture draped in heavy cloth to protect it from dust until it had a use. A door in the wall ended corridor. She peered out the window next to her in the hall. The castle walls still seemed to continue quite a bit further out. It had to be larger than the other rooms along the hall.

Verena reached for the handle, intending to twist it, when a portrait on the wall caught her attention.

It was simple, painted like any other portrait of a noblewoman at the time. It framed her from just below her knees to just above her head. Dressed in a rose-coloured gown and sitting in a chair, her body turned slightly away from the view as if she’d just turned to look at you. She smiled pleasantly, if not a bit sadly. Her hair braided and pinned up on her head, her hands folded. Modest and behaved.

A gold plate escribed in a swirling hand titled the piece: Her Highness, Crown Princess, Of Belacruv, Princess Cordelia on her 17th tenth birthday.

Princess Cordelia, the now queen of the country. The Queens whose son was probably set to sit on the throne. They must have painted this before she married. She lifted her hand from the handle and pressed her ear to the door, listening. If this portrait was set outside this door, could it be the Queen and King's chambers?

The door held no answers, for her, no voices were heard through it, no footsteps gave away anyone’s presence within. Maybe they were busy elsewhere. Or her suspicions were wrong. Either way, being placed on the same floor as the royal family was convenient, she wouldn’t have far to go as a lady-in-waiting.

Movement out the window across from the portrait caught her eye. A few men were making their way down the gravel path that ran along the leg of the castle opposite. Two in matching black suits, and one in blue, a cap in his hands.

James. The footmen must be showing him around. Maybe she could manipulate an encounter. You couldn’t fault a woman for wanting to stroll in the sun on a day like this.

She returned to her room to grab a hat. According to what she had read and what she had arrived in, Hats were always worn outside. As she passed the mirror, she paused. Should she change? The simple but elegant shirt and skirt she’d traveled in were comfortable enough for a walk, but as a lady, should she change?

No, it was suitable enough. Any mistakes she made could just be brushed off as a slight change in culture. She was supposed to be coming from the northern part of the isle. So long as she had the confidence of a noblewoman, she’d be fine.

Leaving the hat ribbons untied, she retraced her steps back to the main entrance hall, encountering only a fly buzzing around.

By the time she entered the courtyard, it was empty. She hastened her steps and followed the gravel path she’d seen them walk along.

As she neared the squat tower at the end of the castle, surrounded by green grass and sandstone walls. She found an arched entryway in the wall, leading through to another courtyard, this one smaller and less manicured than the castles. A few sheds, along with a small two-story stone building, filled the space. It was enclosed with its own wall, and a large gate with two stiles barring a wheel-well ridden road.

This must be the servants' yard. The back where all the deliveries were made and the carriages and cars were kept. Could they be showing James the cars? Nothing was visible in the yard, so it was likely they were kept in one of the closed, large sheds.

She needs a reason to enter and approach. It was unlikely someone of her status simple walked into the servants' yard without a good reason. Stepping out of view of the entryway, she pondered this for a moment. She could state that she wanted to go on an outing tomorrow. Maybe to the town? Not a bad excuse. If thin. It’d be something she’d probably have a maid sent off for. If only they’d come back out here.

Gravel crunched, and she looked up. Ana was heading towards her. Fast.

“Ana?” Verena stepped away from the wall.

“Milady, there you are!”

She’d only been outside for a few minutes, Ana had, had twenty at the most since she left, was it time to get ready for dinner already?

"Yes, I wanted to stretch my legs after the journey." Verena said.

“Of course. However, their highnesses would like to greet you and your chauffeur. You’ll be introduced to the other ladies for tea after as well.” 

“I see.” It seems she would have a chance to see James after all.

“If you like to head inside milady, I will summon the chauffeur and then attend to you.”

Would it be improper for her to get James herself? 

“Actually. I’ll speak to Mr. Rodsworth myself. I had a question for him anyway.” Verena tested the subject with a question.

Ana didn’t seem stunned in the slightest. But the serving staff must be well acquainted with hiding their true feelings. “Of course, milady, if you. If you’ll have him wait in the main hall, then please. I’ll see you in your room shortly then.” And with that she gave a nod of her head, turned on her heel and hastily set off to the mansion.

Does she always walk that fast?

With an excuse now in hand, Verena entered the servants' yard, making her way towards the sheds, listening for voices within.

The door of the furthest shed opened, James emerged, followed by one of the footmen who noticed Verena immediately and paused, waiting for her to reach them before he bowed and introduced himself. The other never emerged from the shed. Then again,, maybe he’d never entered it.

James followed suit, raising his brows slightly in question to Verenas surprise appearance.

“Mr. Thompson at your service, milady. I’m the second footman. What brings you back here?” The footman said, his smile squinting his eyes. Or perhaps he was just sensitive to the sun as it lowered in the sky.

Verena waved a hand at James. “I’m here to fetch my chauffeur, or well, I suppose he’s part of the staff here now. Regardless, we’ve been called by their majesties.”

James’s eyebrows rose further, which he immediacy relaxed as the footmen looked at him before answering Verena. “Of course, milady, I was just giving him a tour of the cars. Good day.” He gave them both a nod and turned, stepping away.

“Their majesties? You mean the royal family?” James kept his voice low as he fell in step behind her.

“No, I mean the Queen of England as we know it. Yes, I mean the royal family. My maid, Ana, just informed me. You're supposed to wait in the main hall.”

James put his cap on his head, smoothing his hair behind his ears. “In the castle? That, I can do.”

“If you ever need to see me, I’m saying up there.” Verena nodded her head towards the wall on the far side of the yard from them as they entered back into the main courtyard. “Second floor, 10th door down. I believe I may be staying just down the hall from the royal's main quarters as well.”

“That makes sense,” James nodded, glancing quickly at the castle wall.” Did you see the stone cottage back in the yard there?”

Verena nodded, recalling the structure. “Yes, what of it?”

“That’s where I’ll be. The chauffeur's cottage, as it was so quaintly called. Just for me,” James smiled widely

“Wow, a whole cottage named after you. Don’t get too cocky now.”

“Me? Never!”

Reaching the doors back into the castle, they ceased their conversation. Verena left James at the foot of the stairs, who was too caught up adoring the room to really hear her departure. Either way, she’d see him in a few moments.

For the time being, she had a monarch to prepare for.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Messenger
Review

Im heeeeeeeere

They’d appeared with their backs to a castle, standing outside the entryway, a towering structure build of yellowed stoned, towers and walls brough to extreme heights by the fact that it was all build onto a hill.

“Its huge.” James took his cap off.

“I believe it’s considered a small castle.” Verena turned away, taking in the rest of her surroundings.

That first line is kind of a mess to get through. First we're in the pov of Verena, then we go to plural, but "standing outside the entryway" makes it sound like it's the towering structure built of yellowed stone that's doing the standing. Perhaps rephrasing to "they'd teleported with their backs to the entrance of their destination, a towering structure built of yellowed stone, accentuated by towers and walls looming above them upon a hill that only added to the grandeur".
But then also, most castles actually are pretty small? So if Verena is saying it's a small castle it probably is. And James has probably seen grander ballrooms and embassies yes? So the character of an actual castle might throw him off, but im not sure the size would unless it's very big, in which case Verena wouldnt make that comment.

They stood on a cobblestoned road, halfway between what she guessed was a gatehouse and the castles entrance. Surrounded by gently rolling hills of green grass. Off in the distance rose a town, brown roofs and sandstone walls framed by a blue sky.

So are they in an atrium? Because between the guardhouse and entrance is confusing since you just said theyre standing before the entrance. Wouldn't the guardhouse be the entrance?
Also, using "rose" for a town that is presumably down in elevation compared to them in the castle feels a bit off to me. Maybe something like sat or rested works better and fits the vibe?

It seemed that the closet qualifier for a mountain in this area, was they hill they stood on.

“Lady Parker!” A shrill voice echoed through the valleys.

I already caught a few periods in places they dont belong in the quotes above, but this has two typos "closet" and "they" so I'll just.make my grammar note here. Also, valleys feels like an odd choice when you just said the higgest point was a hill. Can't really have valleys if you dont have plateaus or mountains.

The boy had run off Infront of them, holding his fiddler's cap to his head with one hand. Passing a pair of tall young men, dressed in stiff black and white old-fashioned suits. Of course, they were old-fashioned onlyto her. They politely nodded their heads to her as they passed.

Must be the footmen on their way to aid James

Okay okay one more grammar note, but it still counts because its different. You have two bunches of words missing spacing.
Secondly, that thought bubble feels really unnecessary. Daran just said there would be staff to help, and Verena and your readers can easily put the 2 things together when they run by.


They reached the entrance, a tall, arched opening with small turrets on either side. Small windows carved into the stone, where archers perched.

Wait, are there currently archers stationed? Even for 1920 that feels pretty outdated.

Well, there are certainly a lot of doors in the house!” The housekeeper chuckled. Finding the key she was looking for, she tested it in the lock, then handed it to Verena. “That is yours. If you lose it, let me know. I have a spare for emergencies.”

Lolll

No. I’m far from home, and I feel like an incompetent child cast in a strange play.

Verena nodded.” Yes.”

“I’ll start unpacking your suitcases then. Did you know what you wanted to wear for dinner?”

She had to change for dinner?

“No, I cannot quite recall everything’s

I really like all of this. Seeing Verena out of her element and just the acknowledgement that going back 120 years would have anyone a bit confused and unsure of societal customs. Also, you have this hierarchy immediately of maids then ladies then queens then kings.

Well, sounds like she had some time to explore and scout out the castle then.

For being in a pov where we get Verena's thoughts, lines like this really pull us waaay out and feel super distant. Not only that, but we miss the opportunity to see how little Verena cares for decorum vs mission if we show how hasty she is in discerning this through glancing at a clock or asking the maid to make sure her schedule is clear.

Does she always walk that fast?
[/quote]
Ana is me. I am Ana

There is definitely still a lot of grammar and syntax to clean up, but I think this moved a lot swifter and more intentionally than last draft? We'll see how it goes hopping back into James POV. I do think what's missing is a clear cut goal though. What is EXACTLY the mission and the order in which it should be done according to Verena/the Director? It doesn't have to be at the core of every moment, but I feel like o don't know what I should and shouldn't be paying attention to, which doesn't feel exactly right considering we're in a close pov of Verena.

~Messy

Hii thanks for the review!!
Oh boy, yeah that beginning description of the castle but was tricky to write. I have an actual castle I'm referencing this all off of. So good to know it didnt read very well lol.
ugh and the archers comment was supped to be referencing where they would have perched in the PAST. How'd i get that wrong???

And yes, yes thank you for the spelling/grammer stuff.XD
I'm glad you picked up on the whole " verena being out of her element thing" im trying to show that, so cool cool. Also yes, that note about decorum vrs the mission. That's a good point. If you don't mind expanding on that I don't quite understand your meaning enough to implement it?

I mean, it is supposed to feel a bit, weird and lost, especially since their like thrown into this time period where there's all these rules and "proper ways" so things have to be done in a certain order or whatever.
But obviously i do want to keep the mission in mind, especially from Verena's pov because it is like her "okay lock in mission time" Mindset rn(Obviously being messed with cuz of ~ooh time travel~

Verena feels very goal-oriented. I do A and then B and C which gets me to my goal of D. So yes she is learning the decorum, but she's doing that so it goes smoothly so that she doesn't attract suspicion and can get through it quickly. But what is she trying to get through it for? What is her first goal? Meeting the heir? Getting blueprints of the building? Installing recording or video surveillance?

The archer thing i thought meant it was a sign of bygone eras, but maybe a note lf how funny it is that even in 1920 that feels like ancient history but to her 1920 feels ancient

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Verena and James are teleported to the 1920s and as soon as they are sent there, they must go by their mission, no matter how frazzled they (mostly Verena) may feel!

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Aside from minor grammar mistakes, I have no recommendations to make as of right now.

Chocolate Bar - I love how you described the way that Verena is worried about how she’ll act as a Lady, because she wants to be as formal as she can be and not arose suspicion. How she takes note of the way Ana and Marin act is something I like too, because she is paying attention to every little detail! I’d rate this chapter a 5.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a wonderful chapter on how hard it is to play a part and yet how vital it is for Verena to do so. I’m at a 7 for my level of excitement for the next chapter and so…

I wish you a fantastical day/night! ^v^



Overripe sushi, The master Is full of regret.
— Buson