Death Mage Chapter Six

by LadyEvvy

Published March 10, 2017

In Death Mage

PreviousNext

By midday, Kou was exhausted. He was still drained of magic, but had been too afraid to stop and rest, wanting to get as far away from Dunswallow as he possibly could.

His stolen horse was stubborn old thing and had to be kicked every few minutes to keep her from stopping. Kou put up with it though. At this point, digging his heels into her sides was the only way to keep himself from falling asleep in the saddle. He still felt guilty about having taken the horse. The rightful owners had lived in a little shack of a farmhouse, and with planting season coming up they probably needed her more than ever.

“Sorry, girl. You probably miss your family, huh?” he said idly, kicking her again. She flicked her ears in response, though whether it was to his voice or his heels he couldn’t tell.

A sound came from behind him, steady hoof beats, moving at a light trot. Kou felt himself starting to panic. He couldn’t hide the horse. It’s okay, he thought, they don’t know what you look like. You could be anyone. Just act natural. Because that had worked so well last time.

Kou shifted his mare off the forest road and looked back. There was just one person, a young woman riding alone. Kou almost panicked again. The girl was wearing a fine, colorful dress, obviously of high quality and riding sidesaddle like a queen. Her horse was tall and fine-boned, a stark contrast to Kou’s shaggy little mare. A woman like this didn’t travel alone. What had Kou gotten himself into?

He dragged his horse a little farther off the road, almost squishing his leg into a tree and hoping the girl would ride right past him. Some poor farm boy wasn’t worth her time, right? But to his amazement and despair, she pulled up right beside him and stopped.

Kou stared for a moment while the girl looked down at him with bright blue eyes.

“Hello,” she finally said, pushing her golden-blonde hair out of her face.

Up close she looked a little less perfect. She’d obviously been on the road a while, with a smudge of dirt on one cheek and a splash of mud on the corner of her dress. But she was still obviously of very high status.

“Hi. Ma’am. Hello.” Kou wasn’t sure where to look. Every instinct he had told him to get off his horse and run into the woods, somewhere the girl couldn’t follow him.

The girl chuckled a little. “Do you know how far it is to the next town?”

“Uh, Euen? Not really.”

An awkward silence fell between them. The girl pursed her lips. “Well that’s not very helpful,” she finally said. “So you’re not from around here either?”

“No.”

“Well,” she said, adjusting her sleeves. “How about we find our way together then?”

Kou was stunned. His mouth couldn’t seem to form the word “no.”

The girl seemed to take his silence as agreement. “My name is Kuren. And you are?”

Kou finally managed to move his mouth. “I’m, um, S-Sable.”

Miss Kuren twitched her horse into a walk. Kou wished his own horse were so well trained. Seeing no choice but to follow, he kicked her sides and started moving. The trail was just wide enough for them to walk side by side, but Kou stayed a little behind in the hopes that Kuren wouldn’t talk to him.

No such luck. “What are you doing way back there? Come walk with me. Don’t be shy.”

Kou reluctantly pulled his horse forward. If he was stuck with this, he needed to at least find out the situation. “So, are you traveling alone?”

Kuren’s face twitched, but she kept a pleasant expression. “Yes. My guard is going to meet me in the next town. We’re on our way to Robian. And where are you going?”

Kou almost fell off his horse. Robian! This girl was going to the capital! But, more importantly, why was her guard traveling separately? What was the point of an escort if they didn’t stay with the person they were protecting? Kou’s mind flashed back to Captain Neil and the soldiers. Could this girl be traveling with the Royal Guard? What sort of noblewoman was escorted by the King’s own soldiers?

Kou’s thoughts were interrupted when Kuren spoke again. “Sable? Are you alright?”

“Oh! Yes, I’m fine. Why?” he asked, his voice squeaking on the last syllable.

“You just didn’t answer my question. Where are you going?”

“Um, I’m going to meet my uncle.” Good, Kou thought. I can slip off as soon as we get to Euen. Kou hadn’t been planning to ride into the next village. He’d wanted to keep way from people, but anything would be worth it to lose Kuren.

Hopefully they’d be there soon. Kou was still feeling strained from his missing magic and it was making him lightheaded. He needed sleep.

---------- ----------

“It’s getting late. We should stop,” Sable said. He’d been quiet for most of the ride.

“We can keep going just a little farther,” Siren replied, not bothering to turn and look at him. She wished he’d stop falling behind her. It was hard to talk that way and Baron got confused if she kept twisting in the saddle.

Sable rode on quietly for a few moments. Siren thought he wouldn’t press the point, so she was rather surprised when he rode up in front of her and stopped in her path.

“Listen,” he said quietly, “I’m tired. I understand that you’re in a rush, but we really don’t know how far it is to Euen, and I need to sleep.”

He didn’t sound angry. Siren had a dozen sharp retorts ready to throw back at him, but she didn’t. His face was pale and he leaned on the pommel of his saddle, not even bothering to hold onto the reins. He looked ill.

Siren opened her mouth, closed it, and finally replied, “We’ll look for a place.” He just nodded and moved his horse off the trail to let her take the lead.

The pair kept riding for another hour. Siren wondered if it might be best to camp outside just to get Sable off his horse, but the chill of winter wasn’t quite gone yet, and she figured it’d be best to get him inside. Every time she turned to check on him he looked worse.

Siren was almost panicking by the time a cabin came into view, the first building she had seen in hours. She rode up, leapt off her horse and pounded on the door. No one answered. Sable leaned over his horse’s neck, holding his head in one hand. Siren kept beating on the door.

“Calm down, I hear you!” A shout came from around the side of the house.

Siren backed away from the door as a girl stepped around the corner. Her dark skin marked her as a foreigner to the kingdom, though she spoke without any accent. What really caught Siren’s attention, though, were the pale green bands around her upper arms that displayed her position as a healing mage.

“What do you want?” The girl folded her arms across her chest and glared at Siren.

Siren would have preferred to find Sable some real medicine, and maybe a friendlier doctor, but he needed help now. As much as Siren hated the idea of a mage getting anywhere near her new friend, healers were the least corrupt among mages. Although her means were terrible and surely performed only for her own self-gain, the results would be alright. Sorry Sable. I’m sure the Goddess with forgive us, Siren thought.

“My friend needs help,” she told the girl.

The dark-skinned girl seemed to notice Sable for the first time. She sighed, then walked over and dragged him roughly off his horse.

“Hey!” Siren started to object as the mage laid Sable on the ground and examined his face. The girl hushed her.

Siren huffed and watched as she looked Sable over. Much to Siren’s concern, she must have seen something amusing, because she chuckled.

“What?” Siren snarled. This had been a poor decision. She marched over. She’d drag Sable to the next town on her own horse if it meant getting him away from this vile mage.

“Calm down, he’s just sleeping,” the girl said, lifting him up by his shoulders. “He just needs a little rest. Grab his feet for me, will you?”

Reluctantly, Siren picked up his ankles and helped the girl carry him into the cabin. They set him down on the bed, and the mage threw a blanket over him. Siren stood by as she bustled about the small room, lighting a fire and putting some water on to boil. She mixed up some herbs and shoved them at Siren. “When that water’s ready, put this in there and let it steep until I get back.”

“Just tea?” Siren asked, taking the bundle of herbs.

“Not for him, moron, for me. I told you, he just needs sleep and he’ll be fine.” She rolled her eyes and turned to walk back out the door.

Siren was getting irritated. Sable needed help, and this mage was being incredibly rude about it. “And where do you think you’re going?”

The girl turned back to face her. “Listen, I don’t have to help you, and I can already tell I’m not going to get paid for this.” She folded her arms. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll introduce myself. My name is Gwen, and I’m the only decent healer within twenty miles of here. So who are you?”

Siren hesitated. Seeing no other choice she finally replied, “Kuren.”

“Alright, Kuren, please keep an eye on my kettle. Now if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t finished with my garden.” Gwen turned and marched out the door.

Siren stood for a moment, then set the herbs down on the only table in the room. Now that she had time to really look at it, the place wasn’t too awful. It was small, but clean and cozy. A collection of books were neatly arranged by two small windows and herbs hung against one wall. It was clearly intended for only one occupant, with a single chair, table, and bed. An arrangement of wildflowers gave the room a cheery feeling that didn’t match Siren’s mood at all.

With nothing else to be done, she sat in the only chair to wait.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Mageheart
Review
Mageheart wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2017

Hello, LadyEvvy! I'm here to review your work, as I promised to do awhile ago. I'm sorry in advance if my review isn't all that helpful. I'm trying to become a better reviewer, but I'm not used to reviewing some of the things I'm going to mention in this review.

Like last chapter, I think you did a wonderful job with grammar! Any issues that I might have had have already been brought up by the previous reviewers.

Siren continued to show that she knows how to handle herself, which is always a great trait for a protagonist to have. On the other hand, I just feel bad for Kou. Nothing seems to be going his way. At least Siren seems to be in control of her current situation; Kou's just coming along for the ride. I've also already fall in love with Gwen. Most healers in fiction seem to be on the meeker and quieter side. She seems full of energy and sass. I like those traits in healers.

In regards to the setting, I feel like you can go into more description about the room and the cabin itself. But you did set it up so you can describe it while Siren is waiting for Kou to wake up and for Gwen to return.

I feel like this chapter was more humorous than the last one. Besides Kou's many woes - such as Siren not ignoring him - you also included some other funny moments. I'll put my favorite ones down below before concluding this review.

The girl seemed to take his silence as agreement. “My name is Kuren. And you are?”

Kou finally managed to move his mouth. “I’m, um, S-Sable.”


I love how they're both lying about their names.

“Just tea?” Siren asked, taking the bundle of herbs.

“Not for him, moron, for me. I told you, he just needs sleep and he’ll be fine.” She rolled her eyes and turned to walk back out the door.


Kitty Jones, is that you?

I hope this review helped. I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and I'm sorry if any part of my review seemed harsh! Also, please feel free to PM me if something I said doesn't make sense. I'd be happy to explain it to you. Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

Thank you for the review! Good to see a little bit of Kitty Jones coming through.

You're welcome! ^_^ I also see a lot of Flo in her character, but I didn't comment on that because I wasn't sure if you've read Lockwood and Co. ^_^

User avatar
PrincessInk
Review
PrincessInk wrote a review Review · Mar 26, 2017

Hello.

This was a nice chapter! I don't have too much constructive criticism about it, but there are a few issues here.

I don't really know how the healer can drag Kou off the horse and then lay him on the ground. She must be pretty strong if she can do that ;). If that wasn't what you intended you could have Siren help Gwen take Kou off. Or Gwen to thump Kou down on the floor, and he might probably have a hard bump.

And I'm wondering what's going to happen to the horses. Because I thought you were usually supposed to hitch horses somewhere in case they ran away. I don't know about this in your story, but I felt that was kinda odd here.

Siren was getting irritated


A chunk of telling here. The mage is obviously irritating to everybody--but that's probably because she's also annoyed at Siren. She panicked too quickly in my opinion. That is unless she has absolutely no practical knowledge of medicine when Kou just needs to sleep. So Kou's "sickness" didn't particularly make me worry so much; maybe that's because I haven't read the previous chapters.

But overall, I did enjoy your chapter and have fun writing the rest of your novel!

~Princess Ink~

Thank you for the advice! I'll look into those things when I revise this.

User avatar
RoseTulipLily
Review
RoseTulipLily wrote a review Review · Mar 11, 2017

'He was still drained of magic, but had been too afraid to stop and rest, wanting to get as far away from Dunswallow as he possibly could.' There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but it might be better to say 'He was still drained of magic, but had been too afraid to stop and rest, wanting to get as far away from Dunswallow as possible.'

'His stolen horse was a stubborn old thing' is the right way to say that.

'Kou put up with it, though.' is the right way to say that.

'Kou felt himself starting to panic.' There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but it might be better to say 'Kou started to panic.'

'But she was still obviously of very high status.' For this 'very' seems extra here, so I suggest deleting it.

'She’d obviously been on the road *awhile*' is the right way to say that.

"Hi. Ma’am. Hello." This one feels kinda awkward. If he's addressing her, he would say "Hi, ma’am." "Hello" seems extra, but I suppose his nervousness contributes to that.

'The girl chuckled a little.' For this, 'a little' is not needed here.

"Well, that’s not very helpful,” is the right way to say that.

'Hopefully, they’d be there soon' is the right way to say that.

I've also noticed the word 'just' being overused here. To a lesser extent, the same applies to 'really' and 'only'. Maybe you could delete a few of them.

'Baron got confused if she kept twisting in the saddle.' This sounds a little weird. Maybe you could replace it with 'Baron got confused whenever she twisted in the saddle.'

'Every time she turned to check on him, he looked worse.' is the right way to say that.

'Siren was almost panicking by the time a cabin, the first building she had seen in hours, came into view.' Is the right way to say that.

'Sorry, Sable. I’m sure the Goddess *will* forgive us, Siren thought." is the right way to say that.

'Siren stood there for a moment' is the right way to say that.

That's all the criticism I have to offer. This was overall a good chapter. Gwen is quite mysterious and I can only imagine how Sable will react to the truth about Kou being a death mage if/when she finds out. Keep writing :)

Thank you! It seems I need to work on my grammar.

I doubt there's a single writer who does not have that problem, myself included



Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights