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Young Writers Society



Death Mage Chapter Four

by LadyEvvy


“They’re taking too long.” Siren said for the twentieth time. It had to be well past midnight by now.

“Yes.” Anton replied.

There was a long pause.

“Do you think—”

“No, my lady, I don’t think. I really don’t.” Anton was in a foul mood, pacing the room, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword.

Siren quickly silenced herself. They’d been cycling through the same conversation for hours now, and it was childish of her to keep going. I’m plenty patient, she told herself. I can wait this out.

Anton huffed out a sigh for the twentieth time. “I apologize, my lady. I did not mean to be rude.”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

There was another long pause.

“Anton?”

Something in her voice must have caught Anton’s attention, because he looked up sharply.

“Yes, my lady?”

“About t-that matter we were discussing on the ride here…”

Anton suddenly seemed very interested in the candle burning on the nightstand. He hesitated for a second. “They’re taking too long,” he finally said.

Siren grunted and flopped back onto the bed, giving up on the truth. Surely Anton hadn’t meant any harm. He was just looking out for her, she decided. It was his job to be suspicious of everyone. Even if his suspicions created more trouble than they prevented.

She had a sudden desire to leave the room. She needed to be outside. This room was too small, too isolated.

“Maybe we should go look for them,” she suggested.

“Absolutely not.” Anton whipped around. “I’m not leaving you up here alone.”

“I said we. I wouldn’t be alone.”

“That’s even worse!”

“How is it worse?”

Anton sighed and sagged against the wall. It was the most exhausted Siren had ever seen him. “Look,” he started. “There’s a death mage floating around outside somewhere, performing who knows what evil rituals, and most of our guard is missing. We don’t know where the mage is, and we don’t know where the captain is. Right now, the safest place for you is this room. I’m not letting you leave.”

“So now you’re holding your own princess hostage?” She retorted.

“If that’s what it takes to protect her.” Anton drew himself up to his full height and looked down at her.

Siren paused. Took a deep breath. Tried to kick her I’m-a-royal-princess-so-do-as-I-say attitude back down. Then she tried a different approach. “How are you supposed to protect me if you don’t know what’s going on either?”

“I don’t need to know what going on outside, I just need to be close by if anything happens in here.”

“But you won’t know what’s happening in here. Not if you don’t know what’s happening out there.”

“My lady, we’re both tired and worried, so please don’t make this more agonizing than it needs to be.”

“I’m serious.” She turned her puppy-dog gaze to him. She could tell it was working, if only a little. She had spent hours perfecting that look, and used it on everyone; her parents, siblings, suitors, tutors, and anyone else who wouldn’t give her what she wanted.

“I know you are, Lady Alrune.”

“And I know you’re worried about the others. They’re probably nearly done already, and if they’re not we’ll need to know how much longer it’ll take.”

“No, we really don’t need to know.”

Anton was becoming increasingly monosyllabic. Siren suppressed a smirk. He was cracking.

“It doesn’t have to take long,” she pleaded. Anton was no longer looking at her. “We only need to be gone long enough to find out what’s going on, and then we can come right back.”

Anton said nothing, and she knew she had him. “We won’t have to worry as much once we know how things are going,” she added for good measure.

Anton let out a long, slow sigh and finally looked Siren in the eye. “If I go find out what’s going on, will you stop dithering and try to get some sleep?”

She nodded eagerly.

“Alright.” He turned the door. “Wait here and keep this door locked. Don’t let anyone in but me or the captain.”

“What?” she asked.

He glanced back at her. “You didn’t think you were coming with me, did you?”

She watched from the bed as the door closed behind him. The last thing to vanish was his shock of red hair.

---------- ----------

Kou woke groggily to someone shaking his shoulder. Who else is here? He rolled over onto his back. Why am I outside?

It took a moment for his memory to return. Once it did, he had to press down his panic. Act natural. But what was natural supposed to look like when he’d been found sleeping next to a crime scene?

Kou opened his eyes and found himself staring up at a man in a soldier’s uniform. Not good.

Kou tried to sit up, and to his surprise, the soldier didn’t stop him. Instead he backed off a little and gave Kou some room. He wore a sort of relieved half-smile on his face.

He doesn’t know, Kou thought. He took a quick breath. Don’t give the game away. Act natural-ish.

“Um, hello.” Smooth. Nice start.

The soldier’s face relaxed a little. “Hello, yourself. I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah, me too, I guess.” Kou didn’t know how long this farce would last. He needed to dispatch this soldier quickly. He felt around for his magic. He was drained, but sleep had recovered him a little. He’d have enough for a small stun spell, but if the soldier interrupted him he’d be defenseless.

“Hey,” the man interrupted Kou’s thought process. “You probably already know this or don’t want to hear it, but I should tell you anyway. There’s a, um, a-a death mage. Around here.” Mister Redhead glanced around as he said this and rested his hand on the hilt of his sword.

“Oh.”

Mister Redhead’s brows drew together over his eyes. “Did you hit your head?”

“Oh! No. Maybe?”

“Alright, well, don’t worry, I’ll get you into town and to a healer before we do anything else. After that I have a few questions for you. I’m looking for the rest of my troop, you see.” Guilt hit Kou in the chest, and he hurried to cover it up. The man helped Kou to his feet. “What’s your name?”

“Sable. Nice to meet you.” Kou was glad he had a name prepared.

“The town’s not far and we need to get you out of the woods. Be on the lookout for anyone. We don’t want to run into the mage.”

Kou decided to test a theory. “How would one recognize a nec— a death mage, exactly?”

“Don’t you have a priest in this town? Death mages dress in all black and hang dead rats around their necks. They constantly reek of blood and disease, and their evil rituals drain the color from their skin,” he declared knowledgeably.

Kou glanced down at his new green coat. It was still a bit dusty, and had a small splash of blood on one corner, but was otherwise fairly clean. For once, the misconceptions spread by the Order were actually working in his favor. He forced himself to suppress a wild grin. Strange, most soldiers had those ideas beaten out of them in the field. Perhaps this guy was new, or simply hadn’t been on a mage-hunt before. Posh little city boy.

Still, Kou needed to handle this before Mister Redhead realized his mistake. He reached for the pocket in his coat where he always carried a few strips of cloth. They were among his most important tools: thick enough to tie things down, light enough for a minor wound, but not so out of place as to be conspicuous.

Luckily, the man really wasn’t paying attention. He turned towards the edge of the woods and pointed in the direction of the town. “We’re going that wa—”

He was interrupted as Kou launched the remainder of his nearly-spent magic at him and lunged. Kou hadn’t learned many combat spells, mostly because he didn’t have quick enough reflexes for them to be much use, but he had spent hours each day drilling basic stun spells into his memory.

The man's muscles locked up and twitched. Kou only had a few seconds at most. He grabbed the man’s arms and knotted them up as tight as he could, then did the same to his legs before he could start kicking. He’d have finished with a bind spell if he could, but didn’t have the power for it.

The soldier was fighting now, and Kou was glad he’d had enough power to stun him first. There was no way he could have taken down a man this strong if he’d been paying attention.

He finished with a gag and laboriously dragged the man into the woods, out of sight. Hopefully he’d stay tied up and hidden long enough for Kou to escape. Hopefully someone would find him before he died out here. That thought almost made Kou want to drag him back to the edge of the trees, but he couldn’t risk having him found too soon.

In the end, he ran off through the woods, making for the cluster of buildings in the distance. He clung to the edges of the trees, hoping to avoid being spotted by any curious townsfolk.

The sky was growing light with the dawn. It was time to move on to the next town.


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Sun Mar 05, 2017 6:23 pm
RoseTulipLily says...



Poor Kou. Being on the run all the time is bound to affect someone physically and especially psychologically. Death certainly follows the death mage, and watching good people like Rim die for helping someone in need will only add to his already incredible stress.




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Sun Oct 30, 2016 11:42 pm
Mageheart wrote a review...



Hi, LadyEvvy! Mage here to review your work. So let's get to it, shall we? ^_^

I really liked this chapter! ^_^ It was great getting a chapter with both Siren and Kou's points of view (I think I may like Kou more). Overall, all you need to do is work on your dialogue (I'll get to that in a bit), and add more description. This chapter had too much dialogue and not enough action; it's pretty easy to change in revisions. ^_^

Now onto specifics!

“They’re taking too long.” Siren said for the twentieth time. It had to be well past midnight by now.


This is an example of what I meant about the dialogue. You don't do it the entire chapter, but it's present in the very beginning. There should be a comma after "long".

She had a sudden desire to leave the room. She needed to be outside. This room was too small, too isolated.

“Maybe we should go look for them,” she suggested.


A princess who gets stuff done is always a good princess in my book! :D

“Look,” he started. “There’s a death mage floating around outside somewhere, performing who knows what evil rituals, and most of our guard is missing. We don’t know where the mage is, and we don’t know where the captain is. Right now, the safest place for you is this room. I’m not letting you leave.”


Ah. I see. Yes, that death mage is definitely very terrifying. I've heard his name is...*looks nervously from one side to the other* Kou. A name that inspires fear in all that hear it, and causes them to have the very strong urge to pee their pants in fright. :P

Tried to kick her I’m-a-royal-princess-so-do-as-I-say attitude back down.


That does describe a lot of princesses. :P I love how she acknowledges the fact that she has that personality and tries to sometimes suppress it. Nice detail there! ^_^

“Don’t you have a priest in this town? Death mages dress in all black and hang dead rats around their necks. They constantly reek of blood and disease, and their evil rituals drain the color from their skin,” he declared knowledgeably.

Kou glanced down at his new green coat. It was still a bit dusty, and had a small splash of blood on one corner, but was otherwise fairly clean. For once, the misconceptions spread by the Order were actually working in his favor. He forced himself to suppress a wild grin. Strange, most soldiers had those ideas beaten out of them in the field. Perhaps this guy was new, or simply hadn’t been on a mage-hunt before. Posh little city boy.


Kou's definitely thanking the almighty powers above for his luck right now. :P I love how his automatic reaction is to look down at what he's wearing. ^_^

This chapter was really entertaining and funny. I enjoyed reading it a lot! ^_^ Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night! ^_^




LadyEvvy says...


I just realized I forgot to reply to this! Sorry about that!
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!
The interaction between Kou and Siren is going to be very interesting. They'll get along fine, I'm sure.
I can see what you mean about the descriptions, too. I always have that problem. Better work on it, I guess.
Thank you for the review!



Mageheart says...


Don't worry about it! ^_^ I do it all of the time. And you're welcome!



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Sun Oct 23, 2016 7:16 pm
Poseidon wrote a review...



Hey Poseidon here, back for another review.

“But you won’t know what’s happening in here. Not if you don’t know what’s happening out there.”

To be honest this actually makes no sense. If he's in the room he will know what's happening in there regardless if he knows or doesn't know what's happening out there.

"Anton was becoming increasingly monosyllabic."

I don't even know what the word means and I don't think most kids or teens are going to know what it means. Most teens aren't going to go look up a word when their reading a book because it's kin of inconvenient.

"Mister Anton’s muscles locked up and twitched."

I don't recall him ever saying his name to Kou, you should fix that.

Those are the only things I found within this chapter. I like how you switched perspective in the middle and your characters really stood out. Keep up the good work and I'll see you in the next chapter.

Your Friend,
Poseidon




LadyEvvy says...


Hey, Poseidon, thanks for the review!
The first issue you brought up was actually intentional. The implication was that Anton would better be able to predict future events if he knew what was happening outside. I can see that I might not have made this clear enough, though, so thank you for pointing it out!
Second, I don't intend to simplify my vocabulary for a younger audience. I myself am a teenager, and if I can figure out what it means without having to look it up, I tend to expect my readers to do the same. I try not to overcomplicate things, but I refuse to dumb down my writing for other people.
Thank you for pointing out that last error as well! Initially, I had Anton introduce himself, then decided against it. I must have missed that when proofreading!
Thank you again for the review!



Poseidon says...


No problem, thank you for clarifying. I make sur to bring a dictionary next time XD, jk. I like your writing so keep it up.



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