Young Writers Society

Wow, this poem was quite challenging to decipher based on a combination of the word choice and sentence structure. It ended up having the effect of feeling like the speaker had taken random phrases from different places and then jumbled them together without any care to if it made sense.

That being said, I'll try my best at reviewing.

Meaning
There are a few options I thought of when trying to interpret this poem. Most of them are going stemming from assuming that the words in this poem were not intended to make any logical sense when placed together according to standard grammatical conventions, so the meaning must come from the form, word choice and punctuation.

That being said, I think maybe this poem was supposed to be a satirical rendition of what older poetry might look like to a young audience.

Another option of interpretation is that this is a critique of formal writing and formal language. The speaker is speaking in word choice and phrasing that doesn't actually end up making any sentences, and this is garbled up with casual language of "babe" and cupid". In addition to this, the poem is structured in a way that mimics poetry grammatical conventions - capital letters at the beginning of sentences, but doesn't end up actually making any sense or following the appearance of reason - since proper nouns and sentence beginnings (like "johnny") are left capitalized or "uncapitalized" without any consistency.

The poem is trying to say, language and poetry is relative and that meaning and enjoyment from poetry come from structure rather than tangible language conventions. I think that probably isn't quite true, but that's what my best interpretation will be.

Suggestions

My main suggestion is that if this is intended to be "experimental poetry" and you really didn't want it to make sense, then maybe consider making it a bit more "out there" - mix in some even more casual language and poetic conventions and even more "doth, tho, wit," archaic language conventions to really make the point.

On the other hand, if you did want the poem to make sense or have some meaning beyond form, then I would suggest reading the phrases in the poem and determining whether they make sense or not. They don't necessarily have to always follow proper sentence structures, but there should be some way to interpret meaning from them.

Let's just look at the first "sentence"

"O! Lest sorrow, lest the treasure of goodness, Mine own paper to cure me to the old Acquaintance copy die: make films bag his"

This sentence I believe means if we prevent sadness and prevent goodness then I my paper will be cured by an old friend who will then die and I'll collect his bags of camera film. While that is ... an interesting thing to say? without any context I'm left wondering why anyone in their right mind would say that.

Another tip, if you're not sure what a word means, "googling it" or looking it up in a dictionary is a good way to determine what it means before putting it the sentence that you're writing.


Also if there was some greater meaning that I missed please reach out and let me know, because it's completely possible that the archaic words hid some real meaning that was intended.

Overall, I'm normally quite a fan of unconventional and experimental poetry, because I think it's interesting, edgy, and pushes the rules of poetry. However, I think there still ought to be some threads of logic given to the reader. Even if you had a few phrases in here that could be drawn on to point towards a bigger picture I think it'd be a more enjoyable read.

Let me know if you had any questions about this review.

~alliyah

Hi there LadyAstella! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

Sometimes, a touch of old-fashioned language can work to give a certain formal vibe to a poem, but other times, it can leave a 21st century reader very confused. Unfortunately, this poem falls into the latter category. I find myself so lost that I can't even figure out what the intended meaning is. There's some clear allusions to love (like "love you were but a babe" and Cupid), and dreaming, but it's unclear what you're saying about love and dreaming.

I would revise by figuring out what you're trying to say, and write it in more clear and plain language. Then I would look and see where you want to use a more flowery or old-fashioned word. I would look up any words you're not super-comfortable with to make sure it doesn't have any unintended connotations and that it makes grammatical sense. Make sure what you're saying is still understandable, even with a few unusual words in it.

Think about something like the Lord's Prayer, probably the most famous old-fashioned poem we see today. It has some more formal wording ("Our Dad, who has his digs up in heaven" just doesn't have the same ring to it), but also has some more plain language ("on earth as it is in heaven"). It might take some work for a modern-day worshipper to understand, but the meaning isn't completely obscured.

In the future, remember to focus on the central message first, then worry about vocabulary and flowery language. Keep writing!

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