That Girl

That was a really great piece indeed. The poem describes a girl who is either too shy to talk to anyone or is independent that she doesn't need any friends. Either way, it seemed nice and apt. The poem goes smoothly from beginning to end and seriously, that writing style closely matches to my writing style. (Feel free to check out my poems to find the similarity )

The poem is well structured and excels in conveying its message very clearly.

These were my favorite lines in the poem-
"I'm the different girl, and I don't mind.

I don't mind if everyone that I pass stops and stares at me.

I don't mind if they see me cry.

Life doesn't last, so one day I'll be happy...."

MINOR RECTIFICATION SUGGESTIONS -
"Barely anyone even realizes I exists."
Barely anyone even realizes I exist. (remove 's' from the end of 'exist' as 'I' is singular)


"In the end it doesn't really matter, right?"
At the end[,] it doesn't really matter, right? (add a comma and change 'in' to 'at')

Overall, a very nice poem and as I said before, I could closely relate my writing style to yours.
Great work!

Nice poem, the tone really portrays what the girl is feeling. However, I have a few questions about this. I don't mean to offend but-

1. The poem says that she doesn't care if no one likes her. However, the entire poem is about
how "no one likes her". If she was the writer, and she took the trouble to write this, then it
is clear that she does care.
2. Like I said above, there are two conflicting ideas-one being that she doesn't care, and
another being that the reader is emotionally broken over this. How does that work?
3. What does the reader believe about death? The only thing we gather is that everyone is the
same when they are dead, and that the girl will be happy when everyone is dead.

Overall, really nice and thoughtful work.
Hope this helps,
-Quinine

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:


Thanks for sharing this poem about how unhappy a girl is about herself and the world and how she longs for the day when she along with all those who torment her will be dead. I can't honestly say I enjoy reading this type of poetry but I can appreciate when it is written convincingly and this one is. The mood of resignation and desperation are expressed very powerful.

Suggestion
Please note that in order to be happy a person needs to exist. If a person does not exist then there is nothing thee to feel; happiness. So that is a concept that made me wonder.

Also, please note that no one on this earth is liked by EVERYONE. There is always someone who either doesn't care, or dislikes us for some reason. It doesn't even have to be the way we behave. It could be our racial, religious, political, ethnic, affiliation. Or it could be that they don't like our accent. Any little thing is enough for some humans to latch onto in that irrational way.

Conversely, what we find wrong with ourselves might be the very thing that someone finds endearing. Shyness could be perceived as humbleness, or pleasant humility, as adding to femininity. Being overconfidently brash can become obnoxious and seem rather masculine to some men.

So a balanced viewpoint will take all such things into consideration.

....everyone that pass....
[....everyone that passes....]

Hey!

It seems many people can relate to your work and indeed I also did. You have excellently presented the conditions that a not so girly flirty and open girl faces. I loved it. Pure from heart and soul.
If any suggestion I can give is the end seems a bit depressing to me. Even though you are different one should be proud at the last of oneself . And another reason for that sad end I felt was that I personally dont like thinking about death;when we are alive , we should better focus on that.

All in all , the piece is amazing. Cheers!

~chitz

This is an outstanding poem, and this describes perfectly how I feel. You should write more poems like this. Maybe you should make stanzas that connect instead of a line after line. That could help you really show what kind of message you are sending out with the poem. It might help, as well, if you add in rhyming phrases. Overall, you should publish this on other websites so more people can read this!

Hi LadyAstella.
I really really like this, it's a very powerful poem and it made me sit back and think.
I don't know if you've ever read either 'The Fault in Our Stars' written by John Green or 'The Infernal Devices' series written by Cassandra Clare, but both of these writers touch on a similar image to what you present in your poem.
This is a really good piece of work and I hope you keep writing!
ABC123