He walks through the café with a smile on his face. He sees you with your head buried in yet another book. He chuckles softly and pauses for a moment, mesmerized by your beauty before he finally takes the seat across you.
“Hey,” he says, greeting you softly.
You nearly jump out of your seat in surprise, but when your eyes land him, you smile softly. “Hey.” You pause for a moment, noticing his unusual happiness. “What’s up?”
He gazes at you intently. His deep brown eyes looking straight into yours with an unknown emotion shining through them and after a couple of moments, he finally speaks. “I’m just really happy.”
You shake your head at him. “Whatever you say.”
He chuckles. “Why don’t I order us some tea?”
You raise an eyebrow at him.
“Tea for you,” he amends then added quickly. “Coffee for me.”
You wave him off. “Be my guest.”
It’s his turn to shake his head, but nevertheless, he calls a waitress over and places his order and yours. He turns back to you right after. “You’re my best friend. You know that, right?”
You look up into his deep, brown eyes and freeze, suddenly recognizing the emotion in them. He’s in love. His silence says it all.
You simply nodded – too overwhelmed by the emotion you just witnessed in his eyes. Your mind wanders over to the past.
You were at his house that night together with a couple of friends. You sat beside him with his sister on your other side.
The television was the only source of light in the darkness of the room. Your friends are too engrossed in the movie.
He inches closer to you, grabbing the edge of the blanket you had thrown over your legs, and spreads it over both of you.
You raise an eyebrow at him. He simply shoots you that troublemaker smile of his and you smile back.
He turns his attention back to the television after that. From the corner of your eye, you see his sister watching the both of you with a thoughtful expression on her face. You merely shake your head at her, knowing exactly what she thinks she saw. But she smiles back at you knowingly.
All too soon, the night is over and it’s time for you to head home. He walks you to the door, offering to drive you home instead of having your brother pick you up.
You accept his offer graciously.
He calls out his intentions to his sister and she replies with “She better be home before midnight.”
He shakes his head at his sister’s antics. You don’t know whether you want to throttle his sister or hug her. He grabs his jacket and leads you to the car, opening the door for you.
You get in, heart hammering in your chest, but it’s not fear – it’s anticipation on what conversation was probably going to happen.
It’s silent. At least for a few moments and you’re okay with that – in fact, you revel in that silence. It’s not uncomfortable. It’s one you feel with someone you’re comfortable with.
Finally, he speaks. “You want to get co–” he catches himself, remembering that you don’t drink coffee and tries again. “You want to get something to drink?” He chuckles. “Well, tea for you and coffee for me.”
You smile. “Sure.”
Instead of stopping at the café, he drives through, and insists on paying for it. “My treat,” he says.
He hands you your drink then continues your drive home.
The silence disappears. You talk about everything and anything. The night ends too soon once again. Before you know it, you’re parked in front of your house.
He gets out of the car quickly. Scrambling to open your door for you.
You step out with a smile of thanks.
Your necklace catches the reflection of the sidewalk light.
His eyes have that faraway look again. He looks up and sucks in a breath.
“Look,” he whispers.
You look up, just in time to catch the star fly across the sky. Soon, more follow.
“It’s beautiful,” you whisper.
He leans against the car and your shoulders brush. A shiver runs through you. You can’t explain the feeling. All you know is that you hear that small voice whispering in your head, “He’s the one you’ll be with ‘til death do you part.”
You sigh, standing up straight, just as your front door flies open revealing your father.
You skip up the porch steps, kissing your father on the cheek. You stop to glance at him. “Thank you.”
He smiles at you. “It was my pleasure.” He turns to greet your father, but you’re already gone – heading straight up to your room. The giddiness finds you then. You don’t even bother turning the light to your room on, instead you fall on the bed with your heart beating erratically and a goofy smile on your face.
“Could this be love?” you ask yourself. “This must be love.”
Your mind wanders over to another memory – a memory from a few days ago..
You head over to his house. Duffle bag slung over your shoulder, but then suddenly you’re wet – drenched to the bone with ice cold water. You’re eyes widen in shock, then the cold sinks in.
Your teeth are chattering and you’re shivering. When you open your eyes, you see him staring at you frozen on the spot, eyes wide in shock.
“Was that supposed to mean something?” you stutter out.
Your words finally get him out of his stupor and he shakes his head. He stutters out something about it being meant for his sister.
He ushers you to the living room where his mom is. She's watching you both with wide-eyes.
Before you realize what’s happening, he thrusts some clothes into your arms, blushing hard. It makes you suspicious. But his Mom is merely watching with a smile.
He leaves you alone then, but not before telling you where the bathroom is. He mutters something about making breakfast.
His mother smiles at you with amusement clear in her eyes. Before you could ask why, she waves you off.
Shaking your head, you find the bathroom. Once the door is securely locked, you stare at the clothes he thrust into your arms.
The first thing you notice are the shorts. It’s your shorts – one you left after your last sleepover with his sister. Then you unfold the shirt. It’s his shirt, you realize.
Your emotions jumble up then. You don’t know what to think. You don’t read too much into it though. Instead you change into the clothes he'd given you. The shirt dwarfs you – reaching mid-thigh. It reeks strongly of him.
You walk out the bathroom barefoot. His mother is nowhere in sight. The aroma of breakfast hits you immediately and you head straight to the kitchen.
You lean across the counter, watching him cook. He hasn’t seen you yet.
“Well, that smells good,” you tell him.
He pauses, turning to you. His eyes look you over from head to toe.
“You look good in my shirt,” he blurts out suddenly, blushing profusely, and turning away quickly.
You’re confused by his actions, but let out a nonchalant chuckle.
You set the table before taking a seat. He sets a plate before you first filled with toast, bacon, egg, and some fruits. Then he takes a seat across you, his plate filled like yours.
He grins at you. “Dig in. I’m not that bad of a cook, am I?”
You shake your head and take a bite.
“See?” he prompts jokingly. “I’m not that bad of a cook, right?”
You smile and nod. “Sure.” You pause. “Thanks for breakfast.”
He meets you gaze. “My pleasure.”
You’re both silent after that. Soon, you both find yourselves settled on the couch with an action movie on the TV.
Half-way through the movie, you suddenly find yourself with your head on his shoulder.
His mother finds you in that position. You both scramble to get away. But she just smiles at you and tells you that his sister is stuck in traffic.
You both nod, and turn your attention back to the movie.
Not even ten minutes later, his phone rings. He grumbles under his breath, pausing the movie, and tells his sister off.
You chuckle at his antics and place your head back on his shoulder as he hits “play.” Before you realize it, your head is on his chest, his heartbeat your lullaby, and you drift off to sleep.
When you awake hours later, your head is on a pillow at the end of the couch and a blanket is over you. The sky is already dim. You find him in the kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate.
“Your sister home?” you ask him.
He nods. “She told me to let you sleep.”
You nod. “I need to get home soon.”
He nods. “I’ll take you.”
You smile your thanks.
In ten minutes, you are both back in his car. In the silence, everything is perfect.
All too soon, you’re home. With a kiss on your cheek on the porch, he’s gone.
A few days later at midnight, he calls you and that’s how you end up in the café. You see the love in his eyes. Both of you are silent as you wait for your orders. But in the last moment, he grabs your hand and tells the waitress to pack your drinks.
He leads you to his truck – his father’s truck. You drive in silence, but that’s okay.
He stops near the park and climbs out, leading you to the back. You’re surprised to see the back of the truck is filled with blankets and a picnic basket is beside it.
He climbs up first then pulls you up.
You shiver in the December air and he places his jacket over your shoulders. His warmth envelopes you as you slip on his jacket and so does his warmth.
He grabs your hand in his. He doesn’t speak. He merely gazes at you intently. Realization dawns on you. You are in love. You’re in love with him and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love you,” he whispers finally.
You look at him adoringly and whisper. “I love you, too.”
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I'm a big fan of taylor.
I'm not a person that really read long stories but still I thought I'll give it a try and guess wat? u didn't dissappoint me a bit. I was in love with ur work.no words. literally. I'm smiling soo.. keep it up.
Hello! My name is Gummy and I'm here to review this songfic of yours! Long story short, I wanted to let you know how things work in Gummy-Ville so we can be on the same wavelength:
I'll start by pointing out one or two of the best parts from this work and then balancing this out with whatever you can do better for next time. Understand? Fifty-Fifty.
So, before we begin, I'd like you to know that I have a particular tendency to go the extra mile before I start a review, and tonight is no exception: I'm listening to the tune that inspired this songfic for the third time over as I type this review. With that said, I'll begin the review right away.
...Let's get the elephant out of the room first; while I'm not particularly fond of this song when compared to some of Taylor's more well-known tracks, I still have to admit that your portrayal of the character displayed through the lyrics was pretty much spot-on. I didn't find any inconsistencies between the track and this songfic. Also, grammar-wise, you worked it around amazingly. The only bumpy line I recognized reads something along these lines.
"...but when your eyes land him, you smile softly."
I assume you meant something similar to the line "When your eyes land on his". I feel like the story in general would look even better this way, but that's just me.
Additionally, I would have commented on the lack of character description throughout the entire piece, but let's be honest: The original work never gave either of us a lot to work with, you know what I'm saying? If the song was ambiguous like that, I feel it's okay to leave it just as ambiguous in a derived work.
I really loved this piece, even more than the song that inspired it, perhaps. I hope you excel and I wish you the best of luck in any future projects.
[Note I have not listened to the song this was based off of. I doubt it matters too much, but may as well let you know.]
Review time! I liked this story, but I do have some critiques. But first, the goods! I liked the characters and their budding relationship, makes ya all warm and fuzzy inside. All the little stories they'll have later is quite adorable. However, I noticed a lack of detail. We hardly know physical appearances of the characters, nor about the world they are in. In the café scene, I may have put in stuff like how busy it was, the smell of coffee, what kind of flooring they had, the walls, if they had any art, maybe she was sitting opposite window (if so, what was outside) what BF's clothes and appearance were, what GF's clothes and appearance were, etc etc. Would I have put in all that detail? Lord no! But a little bit goes a long way! While you're writing, see if you're answering the journalistic questions. (Who, what, where, when, why, and how?)
Enough of my ramblings, go write more! I'd love to see more of your work in the greenroom!
I absolutely love this short story. Instantly I would drawn in by the characters and the story. I love the little moments they have together. Both the characters are so cute and you cant help but be drawn into there adorable moments. Love it.