Summer

I left without goodbye.

That was the first thought that entered my mind that first day of summer vacation before our freshmen year. I could go on and on and on with reasons on why I left without goodbye. I could blame my parents, I could blame the school, I could blame everything in the world, but then I’d realize that we all have a choice.

I could have fought to stay. I could have fought for our friendship – fought for our love. But I didn’t. As summer drew to a close that year, I couldn’t stop thinking of the “What if’s” and the endless possibilities of you and me. What would have happened to us? Would we have rekindled our friendship? Turned it into something more? Would we have fallen in love like we always thought we would?

But what if’s did me nothing good.

School started and I was alone. Homeschooled. No friends to laugh with. No friends to cheer me on. No you. I visited, remember? But, you, you didn’t want to see me. You acted as if I never even existed.

Though I smiled, I was hurt. You were my best friend since childhood. But I guess some people are only in your life for a season.

Freshmen year ended and I saw you less than three times. But for some reason, my Dad kept on running into you at the mall. I kept on thinking maybe – just maybe – we weren’t meant to meet yet.

The summer before sophomore year seemed to drag on. My mind kept on going back to you. How were you, what were you up to this summer? As hard as I tried to forget you, the heart never forgets its first love. And that was you. You were my first love.

All too soon, sophomore year came and went. Before I knew it, I was facing Junior Year. Only this time, I wasn’t homeschooled. I was in a new school. I’d like to say that I fought my parents to enrol me back there. To bring me back to you, but I didn’t. I was scared of seeing you again. I wanted to preserve that image I had of you. I didn’t want it tainted.

As much as my heart longed to see you, I was held back by fear. I let fear rule over me. Try as I might, the new school reminded me of you. Every time I heard someone play a guitar, my mind wandered over to you and how good you might’ve gotten through the years.

Writing became my escape that junior year. It was the only place I wasn’t haunted by memories. I was still in contact with our friends. They never failed to tell me how you were. How you became a constant honour student – top 3 even. I was happy for you. I just wished that I could tell you. I wish I could share those victories with you. We weren’t even a thousand miles apart. We were within a 50 mile radius of each other.

But the last time I saw you was on December 16, 2011. Imagine that.

It was the summer before Senior Year that the days seemed to just roll into each other. We were all so busy with college applications and reviews. But the first day of Senior Year was a day I could not forget. The moment I entered the gates of the school I froze on the spot. I thought I saw you. My world came crumbling down. I could not think straight. But as the day progressed, I realized it wasn’t you and the world before me just shattered completely.

I don’t know what was worse, thinking that you’ve finally found me or realizing that it was not you.

The days flew by then. Senior year passed by in a blur. Before I knew it, I was a graduate. I was thinking of you again. Thinking if you were part of the Top 3 again. Wondering what university you would be going to. Would you follow in your siblings’ footsteps? Or would you choose something different?

Three weeks into the summer after senior year, I received a Facebook message from Kaitlyn, asking me if I wanted to meet up. I said yes.

That was how I found myself in KFC at 11AM with Kaitlyn and the rest of the gang. Every time I asked who we were waiting for, they wouldn’t answer me. All of the sudden, all conversation stopped.

I looked up. Time stopped. There you stood. As shocked as I was.

We were set up.

I was yanked to my feet. I took a step. Then another. Then two more. You did the same. My voice caught in my throat.

Suddenly, the breath was pulled out of me as I was pulled into your arms. I inhaled your scent. Missing it. Memories of the past assaulted me. For a moment, only we existed. As cliché as that sounds, that was how it felt.

You released me then, but not quite. You kept your grip on my arms and just stared at me. Looking at me as if I was some illusion that was about to disappear any minute. I knew I was looking at you the same way.

You grinned at – that heart stopping smile that always made me knees go weak. “Hi.”

“Hello,” I breathed, my voice quiet – subdued – so far from the girl you knew.

That was all it took. The separation that started five summers ago, ended that day. But that summer day marked a new chapter in our lives. A new beginning of our rekindled friendship and the beginning of a love that took so long to bloom.