She is the seed bursting forth from the ground,
But stealthy and shy, making no sound;
And once you have heard her enchanting tone,
Then you'll feel sorry you left her alone.
She is the bud waiting to flower,
Just growing up more 'til Fate meets the Hour;
And once she has bloomed maybe then you shall see,
That she is perfection in reality.
She has the love just waiting to burst,
Timid and cautious, afraid of the hurt;
And once you know how that woman loves,
You'll realize she's the one from above.
You will see soon when she's turned a rose,
She'll be the woman you'll love the most;
And when she has shown her love through and through,
You shall cry out in agony for it won't be for you.
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140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
Oh my. That was a beautiful review. It was poetic. Good luck with your heart, friend.
chilling and radiant
such a beatiful theme
it's so dangerous
i'm so scared
because I'm afraid it will happen to me
there is someone I love that I had to let go (for now)
I just pray that she returns
and blooms unto me...
until then
I will love and nurture
her resilient bud....
this was enlightening for me
never, ever stop writing....
Hello. Thanks a lot for reviewing. And no, this wasn't about a real person, just an image from the mind.
I read this yesterday, but I think I was only half paying attention. This is great! Really original and interesting and has a great voice.
I felt like "the one from above" is a little cliche.
"Turned a rose" is kind of an awkward way to express to your idea. But I reallyreallyreally like the slant rhyme of rose/most.
Also the last line: the two fors bother me for some reason. You could use a semi-colon after agony and get rid of the first for. But there's actually nothing wrong with it. It's just me.
The best thing about this poem is its clear progression of ideas. Like Sol said, very well organized. You don't get lost with extraneous lines. Really well done and just beautiful.
rachel
I wish I could give you some constructive criticism but I really can't. There must be something that could be improved (always room for that, right?) but I'm not good enough to see it. My first thought was "wow" and I think that pretty much sums it up.
If this is addressed to a real rather than a hypothetical person, I wish they could see it. It sounds to me like they need a wake-up call and this would be most appropriate.
Hello KnightlyAngel09! Your poem is very beautifully organized. Instead of a young girl blossoming, I pictured an almost deity like goddess. I constantly pictured something like Gaia, being the absolute representation of all female-hood. The way you suggested fertility into the poem, and the ever bountiful love she possessed.
I thought it flowed very well, conveying the message almost immediatly. I know almost everyone leaves positive comments, but seriously, this is a very well done poem.
Well done, and keep up with the muse!