This may be slightly rushed since I had to do it for school.
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We are not men of steel, you see,
We are all weak and breakable;
The road of life bestows wounds
With pain that is unbearable.
We are not soft and easy clay,
We are brittle and unbending;
The journey on this road of life
Results in spirits breaking.
We are not flowing, running water,
We are solid, trapped and stuck;
The journey of our static life
Is devoid of joy and luck.
We are not invincible superbeings,
We are subject to life's disease;
And the world's little tortures
Bring us to our knees.
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140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
NICE.Really like it.
Wonderful peice of work. Very articulate and descriptive to the very reality of our own and others being. The poem flows and is grammatically correct 100%!
Excellent Job, no critic needed honestly.
That was great stuff! The imagery was great, rhyming excellent and it flowed nigh perfectly. I like the subject and your way to portray it but i do have some criticism.
What happened here? Somehow the last stanza feels awkward. I think this is the only one where you can see the rush. Also I sniff at the word "superbeings." I'm not even sure if it is a correct word and I think it was forced.No complaining about anything else. keep up the good work fellow, Gold Star
Hi...I am new here and the first thing I read was your poem...I really liked it mainly because its so real and connects to people.
The title was fantastic!
You know when we use very complicated words in poems and stories, the sentence suddenly jerks...but your language was really flowing and sweet.
Keep up the great work....
Hi...I am new here and the first thing I read was your poem...I really liked it mainly because its so real and connects to people. Kepp up the great work....
Hey. I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed.
(translation: Thank you very much.
MARAMING SALAMAT.
that was a cool poem i liked the name to and the line we are subject to lifes diseases
Interesting. I like the theme, too. "Vulnerable." Nice.
I didn't really like the rhyme in the third stanza. It feel forced to me. the fourth stanza also feels slightly forced, but, not as badly as the third.
Overall I enjoyed reading this. It's got a thread of emotion that hits me. I'd like to read more!
It's not often that I read a poem I actually like, but I liked this. It flows very nicely and I like the imagery. I agree with God that it's a bit dark, but I can appreciate that since this didn't sound like the usual 'woe is me' poetry the internet is riddled with.
One thing that seemed a bit out of place is the sudden change from the first two non rhyming stanzas to the last two rhyming ones, but that's the only critique I have.
I personally like this stanza most because of its flow and especially because of the contrast between the first two lines.
Good job.
I really liked this poem
It had a nice flow and rhyme. I was especially surprised at the rhyme, I usually hate rhyming poems but yours didn't seem too forced or anything. I really enjoyed it, and well done. Sorry for the rubbish review but...yeah
well done
~Kirsten
xoxo
I really enjoyed reading this. It was really nice! I love the constancy of the rhythm and your rhyme scheme.
I just had to comment that it was really nice!
Oh dear. I must seem like a sad being. No. I did not mean to give out the idea that I am a prisoner in an absolutely unforgiving world. Think of it as an unthinking rant from a hurting teenager I guess.XD We had to write about 'Suffering' for Values Education and this is what came up.XD
anyways, I read this poem and just had to comment,
I like how you portray people as fragile,
human life, emotion, and whatnot are so very fragile that sometimes people do not realize jus thow easy it is to break some-one, in whatever way.
so, the rhythm was nice, the word choice, good,
but something vaguely disturbs me,
"We are not flowing, running water,
We are solid, trapped and stuck;
The journey of our static life
Is devoid of joy and luck."
seems to give the sentiment that there is no joy, no beauty in life,
I disagree, but that is not somehting wrong with the poem.
well, hmm... your apparent view of a lack of freedom, (which also seems to be present in the aforementioned verse) and lack of joy and luck, is most likely stemmed from personal experience, or I do not know what else,
either way, I enjoyed the poem,
Peace,
God