It is you I have loved,
Despite all your wrongs;
When all would speak harsh,
I sang you a song.
It is you I have loved,
Long and in vain;
When all described you impure,
I believed you unstained.
It is you I have loved,
Blind, yet so true;
You must know, you must know,
It has always been you.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,517 Reviews
Hi KnightlyAngel,
You are restricted so much in this poem it reminded me more about prisons that love.
The rhyme scheme, which is contrived and doesn't help your lack of rhythm, stops you from expressing anything interesting.
The tight structure restricts.
The repetition restricts.
Open yourself up to new ideas and free yourself. Poetry is about breaching new walls, not digging up the same corpse over and over. By restricting yourself to the these things (that serve nothing but to ruin you attempt) you have stopped yourself from going anywhere.
Good luck!
Hey! I'm Isabelle, Isi for shortness thank you very much!
I love this poem, I can totally relate! Just one thing that kinda bugged me a lil bit...
It is you I have loved,
Blind, yet so true; (HEY BLIND SHOULD BE THE TITLE! XD)
You must know, you must know, <--- why did you say it twice? i think it sounds oook...but maybe you should just say it once?
It has always been you. <---- maybe "It's always been you"?
I dunno...just suggestions
PEACE OUT HOME SKILLET!
Hey bf!
haha! see yah!
Beautiful, well-written, and sweet!
But i agree that you must simply add more!
Ahem. Do i know who this one's for?
*giggles*
I'd love to hear those words! -
"it has always been you"
i just love it here!
Nice. It is sweet. Consider adding more. It would sound more cute. You could call it "I Will Remember You"
Hey Angel, Stella here!
This is the second time I read your poem, and though I'm not great, I thought I should give you a critique on it...
I don't know about you, but this has me singing the Shrek theme tune...
Okay overall, your rhyming could use some work. I mean, it's not bad as rhyming goes, but in general, the things you've done to make it rhyme make it sound a little bit corny. Sometimes poems benefit from you abandoning rhyming schemes for this. If you want to keep it, that's also fine, it's not bad in any sense of the word, but it wouldn't be too detrimental not to have it either. It's up to you...
It is a bit cheesy, but sweet at the same time. That was the effect you were going for, right? To be honest I don't have much to say...
Sorry I couldn't be of more help, feel free to drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella.
I really liked this - short and sweet. I liked the simplicity, as with a subject like this it is often so easy to over-do flowery language and bulk it full of metaphores. Often the most complex emotions are epressed best through simplicity - as it seems you understand. However I think the line "I sang you a song." just doesn't sit right. Every other line manages to encompass the meaning, yet this seems oddly thrown in and a little out of context. In my opinion you could easily create a more powerful line! Apart from that I am thoroughly impressed.
Chloseph