Before I begin, I understand that a sonnet technically has 14 iambic pentameter lines. I cannot do an iambic pentameter. But I can do 14 lines.
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And all these! It is but human life---
A segment with love, a point of sacrifice
And all blood spilled for good, each romantic line
Shall burst forth from their souls and shine.
And all these! Grand glories and meek
Courage in cowards and strength in the weak
A penny from the pocket of the poor to the poorer
Shall add on their souls another pint of lustre.
And all these! A life lived to it's extent
Years, no, seconds--- each one well spent
Gold in each moment, minute and hour
Shall in the end set their souls on fire.
And when the scythe comes the soul flees far
To settle in heaven in the form of a star.
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Thanks to Suzanne for that. I just wanted to try my hand on a *Sonnet* (a non iambic pentameter sonnet{not a sonnet]) for a bit. Perhaps I should try writing in pentameter form first. Then try structuring my ideas. I find meters excruciatingly hard. Sonneteering is much too advanced for me as of now.
Hi there! Oy, sonnets are so difficult! So I commend you even for trying. Though, really, without the iambic pentameter it isn't a sonnet, but you already knew that. ^_~
Your beginning caught me off guard because you're in the middle of the sentence with the word "and". Why not start in a more solid way. "See all these!" maybe?Your title easily gives away the subject of the poem: life! But the poem itself is a bit harder for me to understand. For example:
I can't tell what you're talking about here. Other than the words I do catch: love, sacrifice, blood, romance, souls... but I have no idea what you're saying. It's just confusing. It might be because you're latching on to vague nouns, like love, instead of showing something concrete. I'm not certain, but either way I don't understand what you're really getting at.
The rest of your poem is like this too. I sort of understand what you're talking about, but not well enough to really feel wowed by the poem or anything. I like your last couplet, but it doesn't really follow sonnet form. ^^ I would certainly say you wrote a 14 line poem, and not a sonnet. But that's okay!
I think even as you have it, the sonnet form is so restricting that it suffocated what you were trying to tell you reader. Maybe you should remove the form, and try to figure out what kind of idea you're trying to get across.
Good luck!