Young Writers Society

Hey there! Welcome to YWS also. I didn't realize you were knew when I reviewed your last poem. If you have any questions regarding the site or need help finding something, feel free to message me!

You seem to really like rhyming, huh? Not a bad thing at all!

I think this is an interesting start to a poem, but as it is it could use a lot of work. I'd first work on the fact that the subject matter is narrow. What I mean by this is that you're really keeping the ideas close to the speaker. Who is you? and who is he? What emotions are the speaker feeling, and more than telling about them, can you show me the feeling and make me feel them, too? You're really tightly focused all over the speaker, which isn't bad, but you need to let the reader in too so I can experience something too! Instead of talking generally about the situation - which is easy enough to understand - try to bring the reader into it. I know that sounds weird and confusing. The best advice I can offer is to read more poetry so you can see it in action. That's the best advice about poetry, over all. Read poetry! That will teach you more about poetry than any review you get here. Some of my favorites are T.S. Elliot, Emily Dickinson, and Ezra Pound. You can easily find tons of poetry on the internet, so perhaps you should take some time and read some poetry.

Also! Something I just noticed after looking at the poem again. I figured out what was really throwing me off! You're writing in the second person. This isn't bad, but it's really hard to pull off because you're telling the reader, "You're doing this, and doing that," which makes them think, "No, no I'm not!" so you'll probably want to stay away from that. You can use the word "you" in your poetry, that's not bad, but try to make the speaker something more concrete and seperate, and I or a She or a He, you know? It makes it less... strange.

I hope that helps! I think I was only confusing. If you have any questions feel free to ask! Best of luck.

alright. thank you. I shall be reviewing stuff.

Hi, knightangel, welcome to YWS it is a very great site where you can write read and review. It's important you review the posts of other's so as to earn more points for future postings and also encourage other's to write more by showing their mistakes and appraising their works. Meanwhile i love your poem imaginations, the meaning is clear and i love the way you communicated your intended message. It's a nice poem. Keep it up and PM me on your posts. Thanks

Welcome to YWS! This was good. The meaning of this poem I understand perfectly. Good job.

In the second stanza, stars and hours do not rhyme. In all of the other stanzas, they do rhyme, so good job with that.

Also, since you are new to YWS, you might not know some of the rules. One of the most important ones, is the 2:1 rule.
You need to have two reviews for every post that you make. So if you want to post another poem soon, you need to do at least two reviews before you do post it.