Ink

for 12? this was dec. (:
all I have to say, is the paper of snow line, doesn't really make sense.

No, I don't think I'm the same person I was when I was twelve Evi. Just kidding. Yes, you have a point there. I am my 12 year-old self except I'm fifteen now.

And stages scientists stereotype, un-insane peyton? You mean those scientists are trying to tell my twelve-year-old self I should have been a clone of other twelve-year-olds then? hmmm... I'd like to see them try. They should concentrate on cancer and aids and quantum physics instead of twelve year olds. I agree with you.

thanks for the reviews.

--Knightly

For one I know for a fact that I couldn't write anything like this when I was twelve being that I am thirteen. Not cause I was twelve I couldn't write anthing like this but because of what emotional stage I was in. lots of people run faster in smartness then other people. This is very good!!!!!!! Could you amagine spending eight and a half hourse a day for eight yearse with people who are always the same as you. Though I see Evi's point. People depend to much on scientist's idea of what stage you should be in by what age you are. Can't the scientists shut up for once and get back to canser. I mean really!

*raises hand*

I'm twelve, dear. These comments about this being good for a twelve-year-old just tickle me pink. Your twelve-year-old-self will understand? XD Are you not the same person you were then?

Hehe, I just can't get over it. Sorry, but I think this poem is actually very well-written for a poet of any age. So, enough of my sensless rambling! Onto the concrete opinions!

[s]There, [/s]there are secrets the tongue does not know

Though the snow may melt and disappear,
Someway or another the ink will appear.

First off, this is pretty great for a 12-year-old. I know I couldn't write like that at that age. Plus the rhyme scheme actually works pretty well.

My only critique is the last stanza, where the snow/paper metaphor breaks down. If the snow(which is the paper), melts(disappears, is thrown out, etc.), then...how can the ink come back? I don't know if my brain's on the fritz or if I'm just over-thinking it, but that's confusing.

Aside from that, though, it was good. I especially liked the lines "Reread and crumpled but never erased" and "There, there are secrets the tongue does not know." Good job and keep writing!

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Written when I was 12. VERY messy.XD go on and murder it. My 12 year old self somewhere will understand.
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Written down on thin, white snow, thin snow?
It is there: it glimmers and glows; not a rhyme
Expressing feelings thAT heart cannot say,
Bringing us joy everyday.

Indescribable pain that is written down, no comma here
Of heartache and sorrow that causes a frown;
Reread and crumpled but never erased,
Stories of danger the people have faced.

Forgotten fairy tales that once brought us glee,
Those bed time stories that once made us happy; again ..not a rhyme
Written in ink on paper of snow,
There[s], there[/s] are secrets the tongue does not know. ...or you could say doesn't know

Forgotten and lost but never quite gone,
Written in ink under the sun;
Though the snow may melt and disappear,
Someway or another the ink will appear.

Hi there, Knightly Angel! June here!

Wow, you were twelve when you wrote this? Tell your twelve-year-old self that she was a pretty downright good poet! This is impressive!

I like your twelve-year-old-self's usage of slant rhymes. While some lines seemed to be thrown in for the sake of rhyme, it's really good. I doubt that I could stir up something this good when I was twelve.

For some reason, as I read through this, I got to thinking, where's that ink coming from? If the heart can't actually say it, then where's it coming from, dear? A pen?

Also! Tiny error!

Of heartahce and sorrow that causes a frown;