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16+ Mature Content

Promise of Reunion

by Knight731

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

This is a story about how my sister and I’s characters Zack and Abelle met. For a bit of background, Zack is an Incubus (look it up) who is taking a walk around a town that he is visiting due to work. Abelle is a human who is doing the same, deciding to stop and soak in the view at a bridge that connects the town to another.

Zack is my character while Abelle belongs to my sister, who was nice enough to allow me to use her character for this story. Follow her on instagram (@Space_papiii) For awesome art and characters that are going to be in upcoming short stories and books.


It was late at night, around 11:30 P.M.. Zack had just gotten done taking the soul of yet another lonely woman in the town. Zack let out a heavy sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, not paying attention to anything as he walked with his head hung low. The feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket caused him to take it out to see who it was.

Just as he thought, It was his brother, Mike. Zack knew exactly why he was calling, he wanted to hear about the woman and what had happened. Being in no mood to talk, he put his phone back in his pocket and continued to walk. Zack would be lying if he said he wasn’t disgusted with himself for what he had to do every night, for tricking women into sleeping with him all so that he could take their souls in the end.

As he walked down the empty street, he thought about what his life would have been like if he was born a human insead of an incubus. He thought about having a normal childhood with a normal brought, growing up a normal life, and finally meeting that person he had longed to meet. That special person he could hold close without having feelings of shame.

Zack stopped once he got to the bridge separating the town he was in and the town that was next. But, he didn’t stop because he wanted to, he stopped because of what he saw. Standing on the bridge, leaning over the edge a bit to look down was a man who looked to be in his early twenties just standing there. And as Zack saw him, he felt a strong and powerful urge to go over and speak to him. So, that’s exactly what he did.

He walked over to the man and stood next to him, leaning over a bit to look down like he was doing. As Zack looked down, he got a little nervous when he saw just how deep the pit was. Granted, if he fell nothing would happen, but it still made him nervous. The man didn’t say anything and just kept staring on, looking down over the ledge. When Zack glanced over at him, he noticed how sad the man looked. Zack then cleared his throat.

“It’s um...A nice night tonight.” Zack said in a soft voice. The man didn’t look away from the edge, however.

“Yeah, I guess it is…” The man mumbled back. Zack then took in his appearance. The man was very skinny and his clothes looked like he had just gotten back from a rave.

“Correct me if i’m wrong, but i’m assuming you like to go to raves?” Zack questioned. Almost as soon as the words left his mouth, the man looked over at him with great speed. This caught Zack off guard, of course but what stunned him most was the man's eyes. They were the most beautiful mixture of blue and green he had ever seen. He began to stare at them for so long he almost didn’t hear the man’s response.

“Yeah, I do. Do you?” The man asked in response.

“Oh, uh…” Zack cleared his throat a bit and turned towards the edge again as he felt the heat spread across his face.

“I-I’ve been once or twice.” Zack replied and the man nodded, facing back to the edge as well.

“What brings you out here so late?” The man asked in a quiet voice again. Zack glanced over at him and took a moment to think of something to say.

“I was visiting a friend and we lost track of time. Now I'm on my way home but thought I should stop and have a chat with you.” Zack answered before mentally facepalming for adding the last detail. The man let out a soft chuckle before sighing.

“Thank you. I needed one positive thing to happen before I leave.” The man said as he looked up from the edge with a large smile on his face. Zack, however, was confused.

“What do you mean, “leave.” Are you moving away or something?” Zack asked but the man didn’t respond. He simply grabbed onto the short wall of the bridge and climbed up, standing with his feet barely over the edge as he held onto a light pole. Zack’s eyes went wide as he suddenly realised what he meant.

“Whoa...Get down from there, we can talk this out. You don’t have to jump…” Zack spoke slowly and calmly, watching the man smile at Zack.

“Thanks but you already have given me a wonderful last conversation. Thank you.” The man said before letting go of the light pole and falling back.

As if his body moved on his own, Zack also got up on the wall and dived down after him. The moment his feet left the wall, he felt his body go numb and time seemed to slow down as thousands of thoughts flooded his mind.

‘Why am I doing this? I don’t even know him.’

Zack saw him, the light from the light pole making his features slowly fade into shadow. But even then, he could still see the shocked expression on his face.

‘I just met him a few minutes ago, why do I want to help him?’

Luckily, Zacks weight caused him to fall quicker, gaining on him more and more as the ground grew ever closer.

‘I’m always taking lives...But, he’s different, somehow...He deserves to live, even if he doesn’t want to…’

Zack reached his hand out to the man and grabbed onto his arm.

‘I want him to live!’

As Zack grabbed onto him, he moved the man into his chest, Zack’s back facing the ground. The world suddenly went back to normal and the two hit the ground hard, Zack letting out a loud grunt of pain while he held the man close and tight.

There was a few seconds of silence as he didn’t let go of the man, squeezing him tight as he waited for the shock of hitting the ground to go away. The man didn’t say anything either, the shock of everything keeping him from speaking. After a minute or two, Zack slowly sat up, still holding onto the man tight.

“A-Are you alright…?” Zack asked slowly before the man pulled away from him, quickly moving away from him.

“Why the hell did you do that?! You ruined everything!” The man yelled at Zack, making him flinch.

“I was finally about to solve all of my problems! I was about to finally be free and you took that away from me!” The man shouted as tears began to form in his eyes.

“You might have thought it was going to solve everything but imagine how your friends would feel if you actually died?” Zack asked with concern dripping from his words. He then watched as the man wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Do you think I would be here if I had any real friends?” The man asked as he grabbed the sleeves of his shirt and kept his eyes down. Zack paused for a moment, not sure what to say or how he could make the situation any better.

“We could be friends.” Zack said with a smile. The man looked up at him in confusion.

"What?" He asked in disbelief and Zack rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah...M-Maybe we could...Go to a rave sometime." He mumbled in an attempt to hide his nervousness. The man let out a soft laugh, sniffing as he began to wipe away more tears.

"I...I'd like that." The man said with a smile. Zack felt the heat spread across his face yet again as the stranger smiled back at him. The two then slowly stood up.

"I'm Abelle. What's your name?" The man asked, catching Zack off guard.

"Oh, uh, it's Zack." He answered and Abelle nodded.

"Well, come on, Zack. There's a staircase over here somewhere, down here is actually a popular nature hike trail." Abelle said as he grabbed Zack's wrist, starting to walk the two hown the trail.

Once they found the staircase, they left the trail and Abelle let out a breath of disbelief as he turned to Zack.

"Are you hurt in anyway?" Abelle asked with concern as he went over to Zack. Zack gave him a smile and shrugged.

"I may have some bruising on my back but I'll be fine. I'm more concerned for you, though." He commented and Abelle let out a small laugh.

"You took most of the damage. I should be rushing you to a hospital!" Abelle exclaimed with another laugh. Zack also let out a soft chuckle before taking out his phone, amazed that it wasn't completely broken.

"Here, let me give you my number." Zack told Abelle as he reached out his hand. Abelle got his phone out and gave it to him, allowing Zack to input each others numbers into the phone's. Once Zack was done, he gave Abelle his phone back.

"Alright, so I guess I'll message you later." Zack said before turning and beginning to walk away.

"Promise me we will hang out!" Abelle called out, causing Zack to come to a halt. Zack turned around and nodded with a smile and continued to walk away. Zack held his phone close to his chest and smiled to himself, the warmth turning his face a light red.

'I promise…' 

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21 Reviews

Points: 2194
Reviews: 21

Mon Mar 30, 2020 7:55 am
melaniietears wrote a review...

Hello! Though there a few spelling errors I would like to go over, this is a good story.

'he thought about what his life would have been like if he was born a human insead of an incubus.'

Spelling error; the word 'insead' should be spelled 'instead.'

“Correct me if i’m wrong, but i’m assuming you like to go to raves?”

Though there is nothing wrong with the spelling, capitalization is off. 'i'm' should be 'I'm'. And this word is used twice so both words need to be fixed.

Zack’s eyes went wide as he suddenly realised what he meant.

Spelling error; 'realised' should be 'realized'.

Luckily, Zacks weight caused him to fall quicker

Since the weight belongs to Zack, there should be an apostrophe (') before the after K and before the letter S.

There was a few seconds of silence as he didn’t let go of the man,

The word 'was' should be replaced with the word 'were.'

"Are you hurt in anyway?"

The word 'anyway' should be separated and be 'any way.'

Zack to input each others numbers into the phone's.

Since the numbers belong to each of the two characters, there should be an apostrophe (') after the letter R and before the letter S.
Another mistake in this sentence is the apostrophe in 'phone's'. It is unnecessary.

Though there were mistakes in the piece, I think this story has a lot of potentials. I also advise that you consider going into the story to fix these errors for future readers so it is more pleasing.

Keep up the good work and KEEP WRITING!

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26 Reviews

Points: 3188
Reviews: 26

Sat Mar 21, 2020 7:11 pm
mckaylaam wrote a review...

Hi there! I really enjoyed reading your short story, I think that it is well written and there are definitely many parts that I feel that I can relate to. There are a few minor improvements I would make, but overall it was still a great piece.

One thing that I would recommend is trying to reduce how often you use the character names, especially in the beginning before Abelle is introduced into the story, and instead use "he" whenever appropriate. To me, this would reduce some of the repetitiveness that I'm feeling. I also get some repetitiveness when you write this:

There was a few seconds of silence as he didn’t let go of the man, squeezing him tight as he waited for the shock of hitting the ground to go away. The man didn’t say anything either, the shock of everything keeping him from speaking.

I would recommend changing the second "shock" to something else, if you can think of another word to use (maybe change the first "shock" to "impact"?)

Another recommendation that I have would be to put Zack's thoughts in italics, that way it's a little easier to differentiate between actual dialogue and his personal thoughts. This is more of a personal preference though and definitely not something you have to do.

I like how the story ends with Zack's face turning warm and red, making him feel a little more human. You can see in this story how he wishes he were human, and his actions prove that he has more human characteristics about him than he may give himself credit for. I'd be interested in seeing a follow-up to this short story in the future, if you're ever inclined to write a sequel. Keep up the great writing! :)

User avatar
21 Reviews

Points: 2194
Reviews: 21

Sun Mar 15, 2020 9:09 pm
melaniietears says...

I really love this story!

Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain