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16+ Language Violence Mature Content

A lovers Disagreement.

by Knight731


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Authors note: This story will have mentions of abuise, physical harm, and murder. If that makes you uncomforable then please do not read further. 

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Nara ran down the empty street, panting heavily as her bare feet hit the hard and went cement.



“Help!” Nara shrieked in fear as she ran, looking around for anyone who could help, the darkness of the night keeping her from seeing properly. While she ran, she kept looking back trying to see if her captor was close. After not seeing him, she faced forward once again while trying to pick up speed.



She was about to run into an upcoming wooded area to hide when she felt a harsh and sharp pain in her foot, causing her to fall onto the sidewalk while whimpering and whining. Nara looked down to see a large shard of glass in her foot. She reached down and attempted to pull it out but the pain forced her to stop, a loud and painful cry escaping her mouth.



She sat there breathing heavily, her throat and lungs on fire from the running. Her body ached, her legs felt like they were on pins, and needles and each breath she took became harder and harder to take. Nara knew that even if she was able to get the glass out, she wouldn’t be able to run because of how tired she was.



Nara felt tears stream down her cheek and she brought her hands to her face, crying softly in her hands until a voice brought her back to reality.



“Um...Miss? Are you alright?” A voice asked, making her look up. What she saw was a man walking towards her. Her eye went wide once she saw the height of the man, seeing that he was no where close to being her captors height.



“P...Please help me!” Nara called out, the man running the rest of the distance to her.



 “What happened?” The man asked before getting on his knees. Nara pointed to her foot, her hand shaking in fear and pain as she coughed. The man moved down and his eyes went wide as he saw the glass in her foot.



“Shi-...Okay. I have to pull it out. It’s going to hurt.” The man explained, Nara nodding quickly.The man gripped onto the glass and in one hard tug, pulling it out. Nara let out a painful whimper and the man quickly showed her the glass shard.



“Look, it didn't break off. So you don't have any more in your foot. Now come on, let's get you to the hospital.” The man said as he helped her up, her holding onto his side. The man then let out a small sigh.



“You know, this wont look good for me at all.” The man said as he looked down at her, seeing her shaking form.



“You’ll tell them that I didn’t do this to you, right?” He asked with a small laugh, Nara giving him a small smile as she nodded.



“Nara! There you are!”



Before the two could take a step forward, a cheerful voice caused them to look back, Nara’s blood running cold. Standing not too far away was her captor, her boyfriend Hue.



“I've been looking everywhere for you! I thought she had gotten lost!” Hue said as he began to run over to her with a large smile.



“N-No!” Nara screamed as she let go of the man, trying to run but was stopped by the large cut on her foot, causing her to fall once again. The man saw this and moved in front of Nara, making Hue come to a stop.



“Thank you so much for finding her!” Hue said with a small but pleased sigh.



“I was worried. I’ll take her back home now.” Hue said as he stepped to the side, the man doing the same.



“Listen, I can’t let you near her.” The man told him cautiously, Hue still smiling.



“Why not? Can’t you see that she's scared?” Hue asked, putting a hand in his jacket pocket.



“That’s exactly why. I’m sorry to assume but she seems terrified by you. I can’t let you near her.” The man responded and Hue let out a small laugh.



“Oh come on, i’m just a teenager. I couldn’t hurt her.” He said as he gestured to his short stature. “I’m just trying to take her home.” Hue told him before his smile dropped.



“Now, get away from my girlfriend, asshole.” Hue finished in a harsh, almost deadly tone but the man didn’t move.



 “I’m not going anywhere until we get her to the hospital, boy.” The man responded with the same harshness. Hue was quiet for a moment before he let out a soft sigh while running his fingers through his hair, nodding.



“Alright. Let's take her to the hospital. I’m sorry, I'm just really worried about her. You’ll see once we get there that this is just one big misunderstanding.” He said in a much calmer and gentle tone, offering the man a friendly smile. The man nodded in response.



“I’m sorry, too. You can never be too careful nowadays, you know?” The man said before turning to Nara, who was shaking her head.



“No! Don’t make me go with him!” She cried out in desperation and fear, the man giving her a soft smile as he got on a knee in front of her.



“It’s okay. We are going to-” The man suddenly stopped talking, a low thud being heard twice before the man fell forward, almost landing on Nara. Hue stood over the two with a knife in hand, the blade now somewhat covered in blood.



The man coughed and groaned in pain as he slowly turned to look back at Hue, his calm expression now turned into a sadistic grin. Nara covered her mouth and closed her eye as Hue began to stab the man's back multiple times, each stab making a sickening slicing sound as the cold blade met wet flesh.



As Hue stabbed, he began to laugh. Nara covered her ears as Hue laughed away, the sound of his voice echoing in her mind. After a few seconds, Hue looked at her and stood up, moving over to her before getting down to her level.



“Now look at the mess you made, Nara. None of this would have happened if you would have stayed put.” Hue said as he grabbed her chin, pulling her face close to give her a harsh kiss. He pulled away from her and smiled at her frightened expression. Hue moved her hair away from her other eyes, showing the hole where her other eye should have been.



“If you would have just stayed put, this man would have still been alive. Every time you leave something bad happens to you, me, or someone else. Wouldn’t it just be better to stay inside with me? Where I can love you everyday unconditionally…?” Hue asked her in a loving tone, Nara pulling her face away from him to look at the ground.



His grin went away and formed into an angry frown.



“You have two options here. You can try to run until you eventually pass out from exhaustion and you’ll wake up with that other eye gone. Or, you can come home with me and face your punishment after I clean you up. Now, which one are you going to choose?” Hue asked as he made her look up at him. Nara was silent for a moment, looking at the path behind her.



She knew that even if she chose to run from him, he wouldn’t let her go. She knew he would just walk beside her and wait until he got bored before taking her back. But then, she thought about the second option. She thought about how generous he was to offer to clean up her wound instead of leaving it to become infected.



She thought about his speech beforehand, how gentle he had spoken to her, how loving his words were, how he was willing to give his love to her even though she tried to run away yet again. She understood that he had hurt her, but she also understood that he didn’t mean to...Right? She thought to herself that maybe, just maybe if she apologized, he would continue sharing his love with her.



Sure, she was scared of him right now, but she knew that if she left him, she would want him back in her life. She loved him, after all.



“H-Hue…” Nara spoke with a shaken voice, making Hue grin once again.



“Yes, Nara?” He asked after letting go of her face. Nara’s face went warm as tears began to spill from her eye.



“I-I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for running away again! Please forgive me! I-I don’t want you to leave me…” She cried out as she lowered her head, letting out soft cries and sobs as Hue stood and watched in satisfaction.



“Of course I won't leave you. I won’t ever let you go.” Hue told her as he gently picked her up, holding her tight in his arms.



“And you won't ever leave me. Not now, not ever. You are mine until the end of your days. I will never stop loving you.” He whispered into her ear as he walked them back home. 


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Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:54 pm
Holysocks wrote a review...



Hello! Happy Review Day! c:

This was definitely pretty creepy and invoked a lot of thought within me about various things including about how people who are in abusive relationships often find themselves stuck in a horrible loop of still caring for and loving their abusers, knowing what's happening isn't okay, but then justifying their actions because of how loving they can be other times. Really a sucky thing- hopefully there's a lot less cases as extreme as this, though.

“Shi-...Okay. I have to pull it out. It’s going to hurt.”


Nooooo. Never pull out objects that are embedded in people. This is actually a first aid rule! You gotta do your best to stabilise the object so it doesn't do more damage, but it's gotta be left in until the hospital! The reason is because if you take out an embedded object 1. suddenly you have a gaping wound that could bleed a LOT and be a major problem, and 2. you can cause more damage by removing it! And 3. that person does nottttt need more pain in a situation like that! The hospital has better ways of dealing with all of that.

“You know, this wont look good for me, since I'm a predator and all.” The man said as he looked down at her, seeing her shaking form.[/what]

Err, I don't really understand this part. It just feels like a really random and odd thing for him to say. And what makes him a "predator"? Why would he say something like that? It strikes me as very odd, and odd that they're laughing about it too.

As Hue stabbed, he began to laugh.


I feel like this part could have been a bit stronger. Laughing crazily while stabbing someone feels a tad bit overused to me. I feel like toning down that part a bit might make it a little more... scary? Like people laughing while doing horrible things is a tried and true thing, so much so that sometimes it makes it less believable in a way? I hope this makes sense.

And that brings us to Hue's character as a whole. He was definitely a really sadistic, horrible person. Which is good! That's probably what you were going for! But I wanted to bring something up for you to think about. Hue is almost too bad. I feel like we could use a little more of a glimpse into what Nara sees in him- especially because we have this side to the story, where Nara one minute is terrified of him, and then the next is terrified of being without him. And because giving villainous characters good qualities can make them a more rounded character, and can even make them more scary, because they're easier to relate to. And it's a weird true part of life: good people have bad qualities, and bad people have good qualities! It makes things really intriguing sometimes to think about- especially in fiction.

Anyway, I hope this was somewhat helpful! Keep up the awesome work! C:




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Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:01 pm
starlitnight wrote a review...



well, crap. i'm sad that nice man died. he could've help nana get to a better place. :( but these characters are nicely written! you cleanly captured nana's fear and hue's sadistic personality. man, hue really scares me and somehow there are people like that in this world. :/

lol, i'm pretty sure you meant "wet" instead of "went" here. xD

Nara ran down the empty street, panting heavily as her bare feet hit the hard and went cement.


make sure you capitalize "i'm" here! and this quote certainly makes you believe hue is innocent. how true that is.

“Oh come on, i’m just a teenager. I couldn’t hurt her.”


but anyways keep up the good work!!

~laynie <3




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Mon Feb 24, 2020 6:20 am
AndName wrote a review...



Dear lord. This is most definitely horror, it gave me shivers and is exactly why I don't read horror! Lol.

Okay, away from the looking over the shoulder feeling, you are, once again, a master of plot. Congrats! This was very in your face in a good way! I felt very terrified for Nara and hope the BAU descends on Hue with the wrath of god!

I have very little things bad to point out. In the first sentence you put 'went' in stead of 'wet' (Lol, I never point out grammar which means I'm having to try way to hard to find things to point out.)

ANOTHER THING. She gets a shard of glass in her foot and it hurts so bad but...she's missing an eye. I'm guessing it wasn't recent or she wouldn't be up and about and there'd be no way the man wouldn't notice, right?

Your characters are amazing but a little stereotypical. I'm sorry! But Hues the psychotic evil boyfriend and Nara's the helpless loving victim. The man is a man who dies. (If I offend, please don't take it to heart!) While it's hard to imagine Hue and Nara's roles reversed it would be easy to change the man into something not as expected since there isn't much detail about him anyway (Which is a good thing since he gets killed very fast)

This has a whole heck of a lot of suspense, especially the section when she finds the man and he seems to hesitate like he's not sure what to do. Also the part when Hue shows up I was like "NOOOOOOOOOOO! Run!" And then he dies.

While this is very much horror, I find the title and disclaimer weirdly funny. Not sure if that's what you were going for or what but it's very much an understatement XD


I think this is a amazing (horrifying) short story and you are an expert at the well structured story! Like the other I just reviewed, it draws you in and doesn't let you go. Unlike the other though, this one has a very unsettling ending. Great job!


AndName




Knight731 says...


Thank you so very much! In regards to her eye, yes it was a very old scar, something that happened to her at the beginning of the relationship. It also seems J forgot to mention the detail where she had her hair covering the hole, I do apologize for that.




News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
— John Oliver