Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Actually, I wrote it as some creature creeping up and dragging me into a deep state of depression. If I wrote "upon me" then it would take away from the dramatic effect and imagery instead of saying "up me".
This shadow creeping upon me
I want to rid of it
Wanting to tear my soul apart
Like a black cloud above
Overall I could not have said this better, as I too suffer
from depression and have been emo for quite a while
It's getting closer
It won't go away
Memories of hate
Be done, This day
- be gone, this day may flow better
Now crawling up me
The intensity of suffering
Feelings of pain
Emotions start burning
- now crawling into or unto me would flow better
Shadow turns me black
Struck down by the gory attack
Sucked in by this twist of fate
My soul, decapitate
- This staza is well written, but I wouldve changed gory attack to goreful attack
Translating won't be a problem at all, it's just that the translation may screw up parts of it that had a deeper tone. But upon your request, I will certainly do so for some of my German pieces.
This poem is the epitome of cruel beauty. It was dark, haunting, and passionate all at the same time! Bravo! Reading this is like being wrapped into a blanket of shadows. And too bad I don't understand German, I'd really love to read more of your work. Perhaps translating them wouldn't be too much of a bother?
Thanks for you compliment! Yeah, I actually wrote this one day when I was deeply depressed and I'm constantly battling it as of a power struggle crisis over my life. But on a different note, I have many of my pieces of poetry written in German, a foreign language I have found a deep interest in!
I really liked it. It was dark, and intense and.. Just riveting! It was a good poem and I liked the "play by play" action each stanza.
Depression sucks doesn't it? Not really there but teasing you like cat and mouse.. Everyone has been there whether they know it or not..
Anyway, I saw no spelling errors or anything to complain about. I liked it a lot, it was a dark, beautiful poem.
If you need any critiquing or anything just message me!
-Hayley