Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Bleeding explosive
The blood is corrosive
The strokes are so clear
Evisceration is here
Watches it seep
Let them all weep
Deny wailing cry
Now, fucking die
The tears that never end
This massacre will begin
This fist is the timer
Clocking in thy death
Not by the time
But by the drip
So selfish and cruel
Now tell me this:
Who in the right mind,
Would take me for the fool?
The blood is plastering the skin
Time for the twisted ritual to begin
The demented souls let out
Releasing blood-curdling shouts
"Let this man be free from what he's done
Put his soul to rest
As far as he can live on
Is what will show, his best
Watch him rise to kill us all!
Let him be known as The One
Who brought the darkness upon the land
I slay myself in his name tonight!"
laid morbid in the field
No tears shed to this day
Forever is the word
Forever he shall stay
Son of the Morning Star
We reach out so far
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
This is a good poem. You've put a lot of effort into it, and it sounds great.
I'm pretty bad at reviewing poetry, but I'll give it a shot
So, great poem here, I like your first lines a lot, they draw the reader in and make them want to carry on reading, the way any piece of writing should.
Your rhyming is good, the way you've thought up words to match, it's great, I usually find it hard, but you've made it seem effortless in this!
A very powerful poem, and I really like how you've spaced this, as it's not all crammed together and unsightly, as that puts the reader off, but yours is great! Also, I like your syllables too, it flows great when I read it.
Sorry I couldn't put any criticism in there, but I couldn't find any! I hope to read more of your writing! Good job!
-CFG
Thanks, CGF. I appreciate the feedback. This is one of my freehand pieces that was not really inspired by an outside influence. I recently posted one called "Secrets of an Undying City" that made it a bit of a challenge to allow the words to flow. It was an inspiration from a game called "Silent Hill: Homecoming," so there was only so much I could put into it. It was later transformed into a song lyric, so it took away a bit from the story-telling aspect. I've had a few people to point out the heavy flaws, so I may change them to my own taste later on. Back on to this piece, I find that just writing to write helps me portray the dark elements onto paper. Thus, you have this! Haha yeah....
hey!
your poetry is good and sounds like i am listening any gothic metal rock.i loved it. it's length is also good. i love it.........your writing style is fabulous. the rhythmic tone is also great. from top to bottom, you have designed it very melodically. some of your words are good, i mean the vocab section in this poetry is great.
in one breath........you are good in horror poetry. keep it up.