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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

The Ambitious Massacre

by KingofTheDamned


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Bleeding explosive

The blood is corrosive

The strokes are so clear

Evisceration is here

Watches it seep

Let them all weep

Deny wailing cry

Now, fucking die

The tears that never end

This massacre will begin

This fist is the timer

Clocking in thy death

Not by the time

But by the drip

What have I done

So selfish and cruel

Now tell me this:

Who in the right mind,

Would take me for the fool?

The blood is plastering the skin

Time for the twisted ritual to begin

The demented souls let out

Releasing blood-curdling shouts

"Let this man be free from what he's done

Put his soul to rest

As far as he can live on

Is what will show, his best

Watch him rise to kill us all!

Let him be known as The One

Who brought the darkness upon the land

I slay myself in his name tonight!"

laid morbid in the field

No tears shed to this day

Forever is the word

Forever he shall stay

Son of the Morning Star

We reach out so far

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183 Reviews

Points: 1810
Reviews: 183

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Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:50 pm
ConverseFireGirl wrote a review...



This is a good poem. You've put a lot of effort into it, and it sounds great.
I'm pretty bad at reviewing poetry, but I'll give it a shot :)
So, great poem here, I like your first lines a lot, they draw the reader in and make them want to carry on reading, the way any piece of writing should.
Your rhyming is good, the way you've thought up words to match, it's great, I usually find it hard, but you've made it seem effortless in this!
A very powerful poem, and I really like how you've spaced this, as it's not all crammed together and unsightly, as that puts the reader off, but yours is great! Also, I like your syllables too, it flows great when I read it.
Sorry I couldn't put any criticism in there, but I couldn't find any! I hope to read more of your writing! Good job! :D
-CFG






Thanks, CGF. I appreciate the feedback. This is one of my freehand pieces that was not really inspired by an outside influence. I recently posted one called "Secrets of an Undying City" that made it a bit of a challenge to allow the words to flow. It was an inspiration from a game called "Silent Hill: Homecoming," so there was only so much I could put into it. It was later transformed into a song lyric, so it took away a bit from the story-telling aspect. I've had a few people to point out the heavy flaws, so I may change them to my own taste later on. Back on to this piece, I find that just writing to write helps me portray the dark elements onto paper. Thus, you have this! Haha yeah....



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117 Reviews

Points: 896
Reviews: 117

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Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:09 am
rishabh wrote a review...



hey!

your poetry is good and sounds like i am listening any gothic metal rock.i loved it. it's length is also good. i love it.........your writing style is fabulous. the rhythmic tone is also great. from top to bottom, you have designed it very melodically. some of your words are good, i mean the vocab section in this poetry is great.

in one breath........you are good in horror poetry. keep it up.





cron
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.
— Bishop Desmond Tutu