Out of sight lurks a monster so horrid.
Everyday it gets harder to rid.
There's nowhere to hide from it,
so here I remain; here I sit.
I let it eat me away piece by piece.
It grows bigger and bigger with steady increase.
In the shadows lurks a monster of me.
It's coming closer; no chance of flee.
It feeds on my emotions; it takes them away.
He collects them himself for use another day;
to use them as weapons and make his attack.
He'll turn myself against me and stab me in the back.
In my head lurks this son of a bitch.
His only goal is to keep me in a ditch.
I try to stand; I can't get on my feet.
This fowl opponent will be hard to beat.
I am kicked back down after a relentless attempt.
The monster goes unharmed; it doesn't even limp.
In my soul all hope is lost.
This monster has come at a great cost.
Giving up sounds like the best thing to do,
But only if that beast is going down too.
Yes, that would be an unwise decision,
So forever more continues this crusade.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
I agree with the emotion of anger, and fear was there but I wish it was more exaggerated thats all.
This is a VERY good poem, but everything can always be better. Some opinions (mine) may not be the same as others, if you disagree thats fine.
I love this, its hauntingly beautiful and caught me up in it easily. It engaged my emotions and didn't let go until the end. It flowed flawlessly (to me anyways) and sent shivers down my spine. The meaning jumped out at me and the feeling of hopelessness and fear, even the anger (just me?) came through clear enough that I was ready to do something (though what exactly i haven't the slightest clue).
"I am kicked back down after a relentless attempt.
The monster goes unharmed; it doesn't even limp."<-------This does not rhyme
"Yes, that would be an unwise decision,
So forever more continues this crusade."<-------This does not rhyme either
The term "forever more" is too cliche!
The meaning is simple yet bold. Although, the feeling of hurt and fear needs to be more exaggerated. In the poem, the feeling of annoyance and vengeance comes to mind first. I may have interpreted this poem wrong if so, I only have my three original nitpicks.
Hauntingly beautiful. I feel like I'm walking alone down a dark street when I read this. You may have used the word "lurk" one too many times but other than that, well done.