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Adventure Time After Story

by Kanome

Chapter One

Six Years Later

I ran across the fields of the Candy Kingdom as I saw my golden-furred friend running towards me. "Jake!" Jake, my best friend, my best dog friend, smiled at me as he stretched his body towards me, embracing me into a tight hug. "It's been six years, man. How's life?" My smiling face went into a frown as I chuckled nervously at him. "Well… uhh…" Suddenly, a girl hugged me from behind and giggled softly as she kissed my cheek. "Hi, Finny!" Jake's eyes widened as he glared at the girl, growling softly.

"This is my girlfriend, Jake. Serena. Pretty cool huh?" I can tell that he doesn't approve of her, knowing that I am still in love with Princess Bubblegum.

"Nice to meet you, Serena." Jake greeted her with such a monotone voice. I feel so ashamed… I figured if I could get a girlfriend, I'd get over P.B.

I stared up at the Candy Kingdom castle, thinking… wondering…. How is she? Is she still the same Princess Bubblegum I know? Is she still single? All those thoughts went through my head. "Well, let's go see the Princess, Serena." I softly grabbed Serena's hand and started walking through the gates of the Candy Kingdom. I looked all the buildings, which looked the same to me. As we reached the Castle, someone came out of it. I can't believe it… It's her. The one I truly love. She still has that long beautiful pink hair and her appearance hasn't changed at all. As I walked up to her, I smiled widely, feeling ecstatic to meeting her once again.

Princess Bubblegum turned and her eyes widened, as she was shocked about something. I looked at her, wondering what was wrong.

"Who… is she?" P.B's smiled turned into a frown and her eyes were filled with tears. I looked at her, confused and curious of why she started crying…

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130 Reviews

Points: 2109
Reviews: 130

Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:52 pm
ScarletDreams14 wrote a review...

I really love Adventure Time and I was really excited about this!

I didn't really notice any grammar or punctual issues. Which is good! This was especially interesting since it's an Adventure Time fan-fic. I've never seen one before and this is new to me. Though I really didn't see any descriptive language used in this, I really wanted to know what Serena looked like and since you didn't describe her, I couldn't. Despite that one little nitpick it was an interesting story and deserves some praise. You did a great job and I hope you write more to this, I really hate cliff-hangers. So please write more!

Keep writing!

With love, Scarlet; Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

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289 Reviews

Points: 30323
Reviews: 289

Fri Dec 20, 2013 2:12 pm
Caesar wrote a review...

Don't get me wrong, I like Adventure Time. I haven't been following it really, I'm not up to date with the newest episodes and such, so I'll critique this as if it were any other piece I happened to stumble upon in the green room.

Finn and Jake are, here, as believable as a 'congratulations! You are our 5000th visitor! Click here to receive your prize!' message. He's just returned from who knows where after six years, and all his best friend gets is 'this is my girlfriend. Now I'm going to go visit the other girl I'm still in love with, despite the fact I have a girlfriend. Bye.' I don't think it's in Finn's personality to do such a thing. For that matter, he doesn't strike me as the type that would get a girlfriend just to get over another girl. But hey, maybe you interpreted him in this manner, or he actually does, in the later episodes. I can't really say, objectively. I can, however, objectively say the dialogue here is as natural as a flying pig and as stiff as those bottle caps I just can't seem to remove. It's also as forced as that time I had to apologize to my big brother, even though it really wasn't me, I swear!

I would think they'd hang out for a while, have some mad fun, anything really. Introducing his girlfriend as the first thing he does after six years seems tactless (not even a hi? come on). I don't know, I wouldn't do that. Or, even if I absolutely had to (she is in the room with me, after all), I really wouldn't go visit the other girl, and leave my best friend hanging. That's cruel. Think of poor Jake, moping in a corner.

It's her. The one I truly love. She still has that long beautiful pink hair and her appearance hasn't changed at all. As I walked up to her, I smiled widely, feeling ecstatic to meeting her once again.

But he still has another girlfriend. What, he just sees her face after six years and suddenly decides the relationship he's committed to is void? I would re-think this. It's a very strong card to play, and doing so two paragraphs in, without any sort of information on Finn's relationship with Selena seems very drastic. Assuming the people who read this are all adventure time fans and thus intuitively understand what you are trying to say dooms your short (is it even a short? It has no definite conclusion) to failure before it can even get one metaphorical foot off the ground.

I looked at her, confused and curious of why she started crying…

I'm confused, too. I assume she hasn't been informed of the fact Finn has a girlfriend, so she just starts crying as soon as she sees him around another girl? That's a tremendous leap in logic. Now, had you mentioned the doting way Selena looked at Finn, held his hand perhaps, or some other display of affection, I could justify this, but since there isn't any indication of anything going on, I'm am simply confused.

Grammar also took a dive somewhere along this chapter. Pick one, present or past tense. Using both is not correct.

I recommend adding proper characterization to this. Fleshing it out, making things believable. Perhaps give us information on Finn's backstory, his relationship with Selena, anything, really. As of now, this is as deep as a puddle.

Strawberry says...


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23 Reviews

Points: 352
Reviews: 23

Fri Dec 20, 2013 11:38 am
Lee0z wrote a review...

Hey Kanome,

I'm a huge Adventure Time fan, but I always find it scary to write fanfiction of it since I'm worried I'll get the characters wrong. I have to say, you've done a really good job here. I just find it a bit unbelievable that Finn would get a girlfriend to get over Finn, but it is after six years and people change.

More description of the colourful land of Ooo would be great.

I didn't find this piece boring at all, and it was short and sweet. XD

It makes me happy but sad that P.B. does actually love Finn, so that was a good twist.

You could add in more events if you like, because in all honesty, I want more!

XD ~ Lee

No, Jack, don't. Jeez.
— David Letterman