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Young Writers Society



Dreams into Reality Ch. 1.1

by Kanome


A/N: This fanfiction is based on the videogame franchise: Kingdom Hearts. It does feature Disney characters as well. Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts and Disney franchise. 

It was a relaxing day for Sora. The worlds were at peace once more. After defeating the imposter ‘Ansem’ and also Organization leader, Xemnas, Sora’s relaxation was long overdue. He was laying down on the sand on the island, enjoying the sea breeze. He sighed happily, having a big grin across his face. It’s been a year since he last been at his home. He was happy to be back. He did miss Donald and Goofy, and many of his other friends from the other worlds, but he also missed his home.

Next thing he knew, he was sound asleep. A speck of light came into view. Sora walked towards the light, seeing a figure. He squinted his eyes, trying to picture of who the figure was. He couldn’t tell. His vision was too blurry to see.

“...ora.”

“W-Wha…?”

“Sora!”

Sora’s eyes shot open, seeing Riku in his sights. Sora sat up from the ground, looking at him. Sora yawned softly as he rubbed his eyes. “What is it, Riku?”

Riku has been Sora’s best friend since they were little. Sora was always so envious of him because he thought Riku was better than him at everything. He was always there to protect Sora and Kairi, like a big brother. During Sora’s first adventure, he remembered Riku falling into the darkness and it took over him. It upsetted Sora deeply, but he was glad that his best friend was back.

“Are you that tired?” Riku chuckled at him, raising a brow.

“I’m surprised you’re not! Saving the worlds is not easy y’know!”

“I understand.” Riku looked out at the ocean. “It’s good to be home, right?”

Sora nodded as he looked out with Riku.

✤✤✤ DESTINY ISLANDS ✤✤✤

Riku and Sora were heading back home. After saying goodbye to each other, Sora headed inside his home. As soon as he reached to his room, he plopped himself on his bed. Hugging his pillow, he thought about the dream he was having earlier. The mysterious figure in his dream. To Sora, the figure felt familiar, but he couldn’t tell who it was. Sora once again closed his eyes, falling asleep.

There it was again. The mysterious person in his dream. This time, Sora can see the figure more clearly. He looked familiar but Sora still didn’t know who it was. It was a boy that seemed like he is Sora’s age. Same eyes as Sora, but different hairstyle, different clothing.

“Who… are you?”

The boy smiled. “You really don’t know who I am? We’ve met before.”

“We’ve… met?”

The boy nodded. “I’ll give you a hint.”

Sora nodded as he glared at the boy.

“Nobody.”

Sora raised a brow. “What?”

Sora’s eyes popped opened once again. Sora sat up in his bed. He looked out the window, hearing birds chirp happily in the morning sun. He opened the window, feeling the cool breeze. He looked up at the sky and thought about what the boy said in his dream. “Nobody…” 

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Sun May 27, 2018 10:11 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there, Kanome! I saw that this is lingering at the back of the Green Room and thought I'd go ahead and give it a quick review this fine Review Day. I'll go ahead and apologize in advance because I'm not familiar with the Kingdom Hearts video game.

This is a good start to a story! I'm glad that you establish right away when this story is taking place in terms of the original franchise's storyline - I appreciate that a lot when I read fanfiction.

The main thing that threw me off while reading this is that occasionally it just felt a little disjointed, and I had a hard time feeling close to the characters. I think a lot of the problem can be boiled down to places where you should be showing us things, but you're telling us things instead. For example, in the very beginning, you don't really spend enough time setting the scene before you jump into Sora's dream. I barely get to find out that he's on a beach, and I only get told he's relaxing, rather than feeling the soft sand against his skin and hearing the waves lap gently against the shore. Taking a bit more time to get into it before starting the dream sequence will really help set the relaxed tone of that first bit, before it's then thrown into disarray by his strange dream.

Another example of where this happens is when you explain that Riku is Sora's best friend, and Sora's thoughts and feelings towards Riku. It would feel a lot more natural and help us get a better feel for his character if it was just a bit more subtle, so it doesn't sound quite so much like the narrator explaining things to us. (Another thing you could do to help us feel closer to the main character is eliminate filter words - the article I linked gives a really good explanation of what they are and why they cause problems.

I did really like the second dream sequence and the clue "Nobody" that the boy gave. It's both kind of funny because it sounds like a joke, but it's also thought-provoking. Your last paragraph also does a good job of doing the "show, don't tell" that I was talking about - it creates a reflective mood by including him hearing the birds chirp and feeling the cool breeze.

And I think that's all I've got for you! Good luck with this, and keep writing!




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Sun May 06, 2018 9:23 am
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promptlyby12 wrote a review...



Well, I must say that I did enjoy the story. I really like how you started,and maintained the pace:it wasn't to slow/ fast,:it was just right.I did see some grammatical errors.. For example,
[..seemed like he is Sora's age..... (was Sora's age)]
[.. Sora can see the figure... (sora could see the figure)]
[He 'popped himself on his bed' is incorrect.]
[... about the dream 'HE WAS HAVING EARLIER' is unnecessary and can be removed.]
.. And a few more.
The fact that this is inspired from Kingdom Hearts does make it a little hard to understand for someone who hasn't played the game.. But i think it makes the story better and adds credibility to it.
I also really like the suspense you have created. I am looking forward to the next part.. which means you were able to engage me.. which i think is what matters most... grammatical errors are secendory. For example.. There is this Indian writer whose grammar is horrible, but his writing is hilarious.. so the grammar hardly matters if you're really good.
OVERALL, I WOULD SAY THAT IT IS A PRETTY GOOD STORY AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT PART.
P. S this is my first review.




Kanome says...


Thank you so much for the review! And I am honored that my work was your first review c:



User avatar
31 Reviews

Points: 2299
Reviews: 31

Donate
Sun May 06, 2018 9:04 am
promptlyby12 says...



Well, I must say that I did enjoy the story. I really like how you started,and maintained the pace:it wasn't to slow/ fast,:it was just right.I did see some grammatical errors.. For example,
[..seemed like he is Sora's age..... (was Sora's age)]
[.. Sora can see the figure... (sora could see the figure)]
[He 'popped himself on his bed' is incorrect.]
[... about the dream 'HE WAS HAVING EARLIER' is unnecessary and can be removed.]
.. And a few more.
The fact that this is inspired from Kingdom Hearts does make it a little hard to understand for someone who hasn't played the game.. But i think it makes the story better and adds credibility to it.
I also really like the suspense you have created. I am looking forward to the next part.. which means you were able to engage me.. which i think is what matters most... grammatical errors are secendory. For example.. There is this Indian writer whose grammar is horrible, but his writing is hilarious.. so the grammar hardly matters if you're really good.
OVERALL, I WOULD SAY THAT IT IS A PRETTY GOOD STORY AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT PART.
P. S this is my first review.




promptlyby12 says...


Im reading this again and I've noticed i've made some typing errors.. So please don't mind them.




If you have a dream, you have a duty to make it come true.
— Marco Pierre White