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Young Writers Society



Roxas Perception of Nobody: Fading (1043 Words)

by Kanome


A/N: This is for the SAW Week Two Submission. I basically wrote this in one day so it probably doesn't make sense to most people. This is based off of a videogame: Kingdom Hearts. Enjoy!  

I stare at the three in front of me, enjoying ice cream. I smiled when I heard the conversation that took place.

“We have to start on the summer homework!”

“Ugh. Why? We have three more days to do it.”

“You know how Olette is, Hayner.”

Hayner, Pence, Olette.

I remember when the four of us would sit atop of the Station tower, enjoying ice cream before the end of the day. Sea-salt ice cream. I don't know why but it’s always been my favorite. The flavor always tasted so refreshing with each bite.

“Come on, guys!” The brown brunette spoke as they started to head out of The Usual Spot. Their bodies fazed through me. I turned, seeing them run off in the distance. I sighed softly as I covered my eyes with one of my hands. What is this feeling? There was a tingling sensation in my throat and my eyes watered, falling down upon my cheeks.

I don’t understand this feeling.

I’m a Nobody, someone who was never supposed to exist. Someone who was born without a heart. Without a heart, I am not supposed to feel anything. So why do I feel this way?

“Roxas.”

I looked up and I saw her. Her presence. It was warm. She smiled at me and held out her hand. “It’s time.”

I looked at the ground again and clenched my fists. “... Namine”

“Yes, Roxas?”

“What is this feeling?” I looked up once again, facing at her with teary eyes. “What is this supposed to be?!”

Namine frowned as she clenched her hands against her chest. “What you’re feeling, Roxas… is hurt.”

“Hurt?”

“Hurt. When you’re lonely, you hurt. Or like… when your friends don’t remember one piece of you. It’s hurt, which is strange, because… we aren’t supposed to feel anything.”

That’s right. Namine is a Nobody like me, but when I met her, she knew everything about me and everything that was occurring around me. She held her hand once again towards me. I placed my hand on top of hers. Her touch was warm, almost relaxing. She guided me outside of The Usual Spot and looked up at the sky. “Roxas. Before we returned, want to… watch the sunset?”

“Huh? How come?”

“The sunset… it looks nice. Do you know a good spot? I can get ice cream.”

“Oh. Uhh… How could I-”

“Don’t worry. Even though your being is fading, I can give you a little power to hold objects.”

“R-Right.”

We headed over to the Marketplace, where Namine went to the concession stand and purchased two Sea-salt ice creams. She headed over back to me and smiled. “So where to?”

“I know a place. Follow me.”

I started walking out of the Marketplace as Namine followed. We reached at the Train Station, where inside, there was a set of stair that led you to the top of the Station tower. As soon as we made our way to the top, the sun shone bright.

I sat down at the edge of the tower as Namine sat next to me, handing me one of the ice creams.

“This is a nice spot.”

I took a bite of the ice cream. It was still refreshing. “Go ahead. Try it.”

Namine seemed hesitant on tasting it, but she took her first bite of the ice cream. “It’s salty. And sweet.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“W-What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just… reminded me of something.”

I looked at the sunset. It reminded of another sunset, by the ocean. I could smell the ocean and the fresh air it gave. It was like, that I have done this before with someone else.

“Namine. Does this… seem familiar to you? Watching the sunset I mean.”

“... Yes. It was like, I used to watch the sunset before but… it was by an ocean. And it was with someone else.”

What? She had the same similarity as I did?

“Roxas. You may not believe me, but even though we are Nobodies, we are halves of someone else. So the feelings you have, the familiarity of the sunset. It’s because of him. Same with me. It’s because of her.”

“Him?” I looked at Namine with a concerned look. What was she talking about? WHO was she talking about?

“The one who keeps us connected. The reason why you were able to feel the way you felt earlier. Your other half. His name is…” Namine’s voice grew softer, looking away from me.

“Who, Namine? I told you before, didn’t I? I want to know who I am.”

Namine looked up at me once again. “Sora.”

“Sora?”

“There was a time when Sora became a heartless, and when he did, you were born. His Nobody. Just like I am her Nobody. Her name is-”

“Kairi.”

“How did you…”

“The name… sorta popped up, I guess? Maybe because, if what you said is true. Us being connected. Then is it possible that me and you are connected is because… they are connected?”

Namine nodded. “Ah… Roxas.”

I looked at my feet, which were disappearing; flickers of light fading into the sky. “I guess it’s time. To go back.”

Namine grabbed a hold of my hands and stared up into my eyes. “I promise. We will see each other again. Maybe not the way we are now, but we will meet each other, as our original selves. We will meet again. I promise.”

Namine’s words surprised me. All I could really do was smile. I held out my pinky finger to her. “Then, it’s a promise.”

She wrapped her pinky finger around mine.

“See ya later… Namine.” I closed my eyes as I start to fade from this world.

Next thing I knew, Everything was pitch black. Complete darkness. I looked around, even though it was dark. Suddenly, a spark of light shone bright. I walked towards it, shielding my eyes from the brightness. “Huh…?” I saw a boy. Not just any boy. It was Sora. I knew it was Sora. I didn’t know how it was him, I just knew. I smiled at Sora as tears fall down upon my face once again.

“You’re lucky, Sora. I guess this is it. It seems like my summer vacation... is over."


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Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:10 pm
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HalfbloodFangirl wrote a review...



First thing's first. Who's speaking in the beginning? That's very important. Also, why did you put three names on one line?

"The brown brunette" didn't make any sense to me at all. Just go with "The brunette".

Everything else is good. Please tell me who's speaking. I had to backtrack a few times to figure out that the main character's name is Roxas. That's my only two things.




Kanome says...


This was written in first person POV... so the name of the Main Character is usually said by another character or he will introduce himself.





o. Whoops



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Sun Mar 25, 2018 6:38 am
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Sujana wrote a review...



I'm surprised this doesn't have any reviews yet. Did you post it up again? I could've sworn I read this a week prior.

Anyway.

I stare at the three in front of me, enjoying ice cream.


Specify what 'the three' means, which basically means the Three People.

I looked at the ground again and clenched my fists. “... Namine”


I'm not sure if the ellipsis is necessary here.

“What is this feeling?” I looked up once again, facing at her with teary eyes. “What is this supposed to be?!”


No need for 'at' there. Also, I'm not sure if the "?!" is necessary, either. Sorry, unnecessary punctuation to emphasize words and sentences rather than using stronger words and sentences annoys me.

“Roxas. Before we returned, want to… watch the sunset?”


"Roxas. Before we RETURN, DO YOU want to...watch the sunset?"

[quote“Huh? How come?”[/quote]

I feel "Huh? Why?" would fit better.

We headed over to the Marketplace, where Namine went to the concession stand and purchased two Sea-salt ice creams.


Why capitalize Sea-salt?

We reached at the Train Station, where inside, there was a set of stair that led you to the top of the Station tower. As soon as we made our way to the top, the sun shone bright.


Unless Train Station is a post-modern title to an actual train station, don't capitalize it. Don't capitalize words unless it's in the beginning of a sentence, unless it's a name or a title, or unless you're trying to emphasize it in a specific way.

Also, remove the first 'at'. And it's a set of stairs, not a set of stair.

The last sentence confuses me. Are you trying to say the sun doesn't shine brightly usually in this world? That the Sun went out for a smoke until they came up to the top, and then the Sun turned itself on back again, like a lazy gas station attendant? Maybe what you meant to say was "The sun shone bright as we made our way to the top," which is similar, but without the weird subtext to it.

Right, okay. Onto the review.

I'm not a fan of fanfiction, and I'm not familiar with Kingdom Hearts either, but I found this very touching. I would've liked it better for there to be a bit more context, but I'm guessing that context exists within the canon, and I don't want to put the burden of worldbuilding on a piece of fanfiction, so I'm going to focus on what's important--story and characters.

I really liked the whole premise of it, and though I wasn't particularly close to any of these characters, I still felt the emotional bond that they had. I would've developed them more to have more human traits, tell a couple of jokes maybe, explain the peculiarities of their positions. I understand that the Nobodies aren't supposed to have hearts or feelings, but that clearly isn't shown here--they definitely have some semblance of emotion, and I wanted to hear them talk through it over sea-salt ice cream.

But of course, they're fading away. Which cannot be blamed. It's still a touching story, and I quite liked it. Nice job.

--Elliot.





"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt