I felt like writing a villanelle.
To My Love I Have Never Met
To my Love I have never met,
Destined though we are to wed,
I wonder, “Do you also fret?”
And wonder, “Do you also let
Yourself address, while abed,
‘To my Love I have never met,
‘Although our fates are thusly set,
I cannot help feeling dread.
I wonder, do you also fret?’”
Does the prospect make you sweat
Of lying with me in bed?
To my Love I have never met,
I say, me, it does upset
And cause within me great dread.
I wonder, do you also fret
When all is done and all is said?
Do you address me while in bed,
“To my Love I have never met...?”
I wonder, do you also fret?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Arranged marriage.
I did not notice that. :o Thanks for pointing it out. :D
Now... how to fix it...? >.>
Hey Kyllorac!
I absolutely love the fact that you've done a Villanelle. I've never tried one myself, and don't know a lot about them, but it's written in a lovely way.
One thing I would point out about the rhyme scheme, however, is the middle lines. Forgive me if I'm wrong here, because I'm not wholly familiar with Villanelle rules, but in the ending part of the stanza you've used the same two words to rhyme with each other (dread and bed). Now, just to be sure, I researched a couple of Villanelles on the internet and it didn't look like that was a specific rule or anything. What I'm trying to get at here is that the repeated rhymes in the middle make it feel a little forced and dull. However, if I'm being completely stupid here and that is a rule of Villanelles, then just disregard this paragraph!
I love the idea that you have for this poem. I'm assuming here that it's some sort of arranged marriage, perhaps in older times? Anyway, I like it.
Good as usual! It's different to your other poems, but it demonstrates a nice versatility.
~Amy
This poem is pretty strange... i don't get it. Is there an arranged marriage, or an online relationship, or...
hmmm....
Well, i guess that villanelle is a very... different scheme than most of the more regular poetry schemes, and i've never seen it before. It looks quite intriguing, though.
Thanks for the reviews.
There's actually a couple of reasons why I put the question mark inside the quotations. One is that the ellipses are acting more as an "etc." rather than a trailing off, so the question mark is doing double duty. The other is that I'm American, so American punctuation conventions are what I usually follow.
While that may be true, if I did, then this would no longer be a villanelle (which is a wholly unappreciated poetry form, which is why I wrote one in the first place). D: Plus it would completely throw off the rhyme scheme.
Hey! I liked this poem. Your style of repetition was cute, though if the poem had gone on I would have gotten bored.It really captured how someone who is engaged to a person they don't know might feel. Nice job overall, I enjoyed this. Keep writing!
--Dreamy115
Very good. I really enjoyed this. I only found one problem, but then I have one opinion. ^.^
This should be, "To my Love I have never met..."? See, the question mark is outside the quotation marks. ^.^
Next, here's my opinion. I think the last, 'I wonder, do you also fret?' is unnecessary. It's not bad, but I just think it would be much more dramatic if you just leave it 'To my love I have never met.' I think it would also go better since it's the only section with four lines. When taking that line out, you have only three lines, and it matches the others. If you catch my meaning.
Well, anyway, this was fantastic. I definitely loved it. Keep writing!
Love & Blessings,
Aushy
P.S.--If you ever need anything else reviewed, feel free to PM me. :}