Young Writers Society

Thanks for the feedback. Reading each of your different reactions has been very enlightening.

@Mars and Kaitelyn - I do believe that this poem can stand alone without the psychological explanation, however, I included it because I thought it might be interesting for the readers to know a bit of the background behind this poem's inspiration. I'll see if I can incorporate this explanation within the poem.

I probably won't be adding much imagery; for one, it would completely change the essence of the poem; for another, each person's shadow is unique to that person. For instance, I value my pride and independence. Someone else, on the other hand, may view the same traits in themselves as arrogance and disobedience and thus suppress them.

Hi Kyllorac! Juniper here!


This was suprisingly enjoyable and sweet to read. I have to agree with Mars on this, I love how the narrator is in denial/refusing to accept the shadow as a part of itself. I think you did a beautiful job with that.

The repetition was beautiful here; instead of becoming redundant/boring/uninteresting, it added to the poem.

You have a beautiful rhythm here as well, dear. It's perfect, smooth and effortless. I like this poem as it stands without imagery; it gives a nice shallow feel to the poem. Rather, if you add it, I feel that you might change it too much and almost make it as if the narrator embraced the shadow, even for a moment to really explore what and who it is. Beautiful job on this, dear.

Well done!

June keep it up.

Hey Kyllorac,

This poem is extremely interesting. The only problem I have is that you had to explain the psychology part at the beginning. It kind of ruins the depth that the poem could have. It does have that depth ,but it is kind of stopped by the psychological explanation. This poem lets people know that not everyone is good and makes them reach out to their shadow and question is themselves.

This poem could be a very dark piece if you added imagery. It helps people physically picturing their shadow mocking them.

Hey Ky ^^

So, this is a very interesting poem. I love the sort of mocking tone it has, how the poem itself is making fun of the narrator while the narrator is denying the shadow. Very interesting. And I also can't nit-pick your poetic ability, because all of what you have flows well in my opinion, but I do need to say something about the content; I wish this poem could stand on its own. That is, I wish you didn't have to tell us what a shadow is in the A/N beforehand and instead had explained it in the poem itself. I'm not sure if that's even doable but I think it should be attempted, anyway.

The other thing I want to mention is the suspicious lack of imagery. Right now I think the poem works without it (gasp!) just because of how you've arranged the words, but if you were to try and sort of revamp it (*nudge*) I think you could do something really cool with demons and...smoke. And red. And dark. And wicca. Anyway, I think you'd have to get some nice images out of that.

[/two cents]

-Mars