FireIce

Wow, this is fabulous ( and that's usually not a word I would use). There was beautiful imagery and delicate wording. I loved how you repeated some of the words, and stacked others on top of each other, while some were side by side. I could feel the rhythm of this poem very easily, and it reminded my of a book I once read in which two of the characters, one the embodiment of summer and Sun, the other of winter and ice, were in love but couldn't be together; for fear of hurting the other. There were a few small flaws, but I won't mention them because they don't really matter, when the rest of the poem was so great. My favorite line as:

“The water melts
Sets away
Disappears
Fire runs out of fuel
They're left with nothing
Except each other"

Fantastic job, keep writing!!

I can go into a more in-depth analysis with you later, but for now, I'll just say my opening opinions until we can talk about it.

Fire would actually get rained out by melting ice. It wouldn't just be a one way street. The water dripping on the fire, if it wasn't big enough, could really damage it. That being said, if there was a huge block of ice, and a little fire, the fire would die first. If there was a small block of ice, and a huge fire, the ice would die first. It's really not a balanced relationship and although I see you try to portray that, you balance it towards the fire. I'd almost like to see this poem with an equality about it. It would be an 'As one dies, the other dies too' situation , and that is important to the title of the poem, along with the main message, that they both die in the end.

The shape of the poem is interesting, you're using visual poetry aspects already in the work, but it could be better. Part of what I dislike about this poem is that, although it is visually appealing, it doesn't say anything about the poem itself. There's three sections, as marked out by the groups of nearly prose paragraphs rather than lines. In the poem, there are only two aspects, Ice, and Fire. There's a mismatch of balance between the top middle and bottom, with more on the bottom than the middle or the top.

Also, the poem only talks about physical people at the very beginning, which, for me, doesn't bring the poem full-circle, and makes the first portion rather obsolete. I've picked up from Audy, and other YWS poets, that in poetry, the best thing is to write it all, and then cut half or more of it. For me, one of the ways I cut is things that I don't revisit. Another is things that aren't the key point of the poem. To me, the point of this poem is the relationship between fire and ice, not that ice and fire can be people. If this was a poem about people, it would talk more about them.

Anyway, a good challenge could be to strictly write a poem JUST about the people you're describing in the first section. Mainly focus on their relationship without talking about fire or ice.

Really love it!

Hey I was thinking about reviewing this then changed my mind when I could find nothing wrong with it; it's just so good!
I have said it before and I'll say it again - poetry is not my thing, but yours is one of the rare ones that I seriously enjoy. So, good work!

I also love your formatting and how in the line:
'Kisses made from clashing and pure misses' - the first and last sentences rhyme. Fabulous!

Keep writing or you'll disappoint me

Hi I'm Gabby and I love this poem!

First of all I find you description of your work to be what drew me to read it, you sure can catch someones attention! Also I love how you describe the people.

"Albino hair and red eyes
Pale, pale skin against pale, pale skin
Midnight hair and blue eyes"

Simply brilliant! I love how they have pale skin in common! Another thing I find interesting is the way you write some short lines and throw caution into the wind and add long lines where they fit perfectly. I feel the poem flows well and is very creative. A clash of opposing elements turned into a love story is an amazing idea. It kinds of reminds me of Romeo and Juliet because in the end they are both destroyed but their love remains.

Altogether I love this original twist on a classic love story! Keep up the good work!

XOXO Gabby