A Tale of Symbiosis

Lovely rhyming. Great rhythm untill I got to this line.

What more could you want?

I am your stylish new font.

Lovely poem! Lets review this line by line, shall we?

"I am your sophisticated machine.
Every part- you keep pristine.
I am your "Everything-You-Need,"
and for only you, I will bleed.
(This is my favorite stanza. The cadence is nice and so is the voice. It all just flows so smoothly to me. Well done.)
.x.x.x.x.x. (Any reason you decided to split up the stanzas using x's instead of ~'s?)

You can try to tear yourself away,
but you'll stay. Oh, you'll stay.
What more could you want?
I am your stylish new font.
(This is my least favorite stanza. I don't think it fits well with the rest of the poem and it just seems weak. This my just be my personal opinion, so take it like a grain of salt.)
.x.x.x.x.x.

You'll write your threats with me.
I am the first thing your enemy will see.
Send him his blood letter
to remind him of his better.
(The last line seems off rhythm, but the rest of the stanza is great!)
.x.x.x.x.x.

I am the font on the page,
I am who sets the stage.
(I wish this stanza was as long as the others.)
.x.x.x.x.x.

When you start the confrontation,
allow me to be your inspiration.
When forced to face your enemy,
please, remind me of my destiny.
.x.x.x.x.x.

I must stand between you and them,
for that is all I truly am.
I am your sophisticated shield,
for we all know my fate is sealed."
(Great concluding stanza! In poetry, I believe the ending is paramount, so fr having a good conclusion, I commend you!)

All in all I think this is a great poem! It portrays the relationship between a sword and shield very clearly. None of the rhyming feels forced and te grammar seems fine. Good job!

Heeeeeyyyy you!

Ah, poetry. Still not my thing, but this is good. And symbiosis brings back such lovely memories of grade nine science class and the ecosystem ....

Right, anyways. The poem. The poem is good. I like the poem. But remember what symbiosis means: two creatures, living in harmony and both benefiting from each other. Now this may have some intensely potent and deep poetic meaning, like the title is saying something false (like an unreliable narrator in a story), but symbiosis still means both benefit. And I feel like the narrator of this poem, the 'I' character, is not benefiting so much. This reminds me more of that also ecosystem-related relationship called parasitism.

I still love your style of poetry; rhyming and still using powerful words. It's sweet how you change the shape of the middle verse to only two lines, but I feel like there should be an extra syllable in the second line of this verse, like 'I am the font on the page, I am ('he/she' or maybe even 'the one') who sets the stage.'

I also really like the line where you repeat 'you'll stay'. However, due to my lack of insight I didn't understand this line 'Send him his blood letter to remind him of his better.' - better what? Also, you say send him 'his' blood letter; I think 'a' blood letter, or 'your' blood letter would flow nicer, since you say 'his better' in the next line. Oh wait: I get it. The 'his' ties the lines together ... okay so nevermind about all that.

So you start of with you as the sophisticated machine, and end with you as the sophisticated shield. Respectable. I find it hard to criticize when I have no idea how to make it better; guess that's a good sign. Last line: fate sealed how? As a shield? Now that my dear is deep. Keep it up.

Well I'm deflated so sorry this review wasn't a load of treasure. No lie though your poems rock. So keep writing and stuff!

~ Sarra ~