What can I do?
The numbers on the clock move, 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3
The pillow feels like stone beneath me.
The words, a constant loop in my mind.
-What did she call me?
-What did he say?
-Did I pass their tests?
They call it being smart.
It feels like a heavy weight.
Hands shoot up in the air.
Mine does too, always expected.
Always expected to know.
Always expected to shine.
What must it feel like, I wonder.
To walk through the school doors blank and new.
To sit in the back row.
To raise no hand, and feel no regret when the answer doesn't come.
Just to listen.
Just to learn.
Not to carry the whole world on a single desk.
The teachers are kind, understanding.
The peers are a storm.
They bring their gossip.
They bring their homework.
They ask for a key to every locked door.
And the night rolls in again.
Tossing.
Turning.
Grading, every second of the day, just to make sure my score is enough.
But what can I do?
It's the price I pay.
I open the books, read every page.
I study, long and hard, because I have to.
I score the top marks on every test.
I lift my hand, on cue.
I smile, I wave, I perform.
And yet, it's never enough.
The bar rises, higher and higher.
They expect perfection to look easy.
To outshine the rest, but never brag.
To lead the pack.
To keep the record clean.
To be a master, but remain a child.
To be brilliant, but robotic.
Anxiety climbs with every test.
Every glance. Every word.
How do I fix the unbreakable?
How do I pass the test of life?
How do I reach the edge of Perfection?
Why must I carry the weight?
Why must I break inside the noise?
Contradictions. Circles.
I close my eyes.
I open the book.
The clock ticks on.
But what can I do?
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141,045 Literary Works • 673,936 Reviews
Hi Junebug!
This is my favourite poem of yours yet. It's one I heavily relate to, and though I am way out of high school now, the feelings still weigh heavily on me. I always felt that pressure that you describe, feeling like I physically could not be like anyone else; that it was a burden to be academically gifted because it does make you a target to some people, but mainly because once you exceed the expectations people had for you, it is crushing to dip below them again. You feel like you have to keep rising and rising, become some unstoppable weapon, which ultimately is not healthy. Failure does not feel like an option. In uni, my partner used to get annoyed with me when I would cry and worry about failing an essay, and he said, 'you're not worried about failing; you won't fail; you're worried you won't be perfect.' and that always stuck with me!
This is my favourite part; it's just so heavy with emotion and pressure.
I think this was a slightly weaker section, as a lot of the poem is strong because you show rather than tell, but here you are telling us that the teachers are kind and understanding. A small scene that implies kindness, like a teacher's specific gesture towards you, would really strengthen it!
Brilliant poetry once again!
Thank you for the review! It really helps to hear what other people think and feel, rather than just trusting that my writing is great.
Have a great day/night, and be safe!
Felt every word of this, academic struggle is so real. All the strength to you and impeccable writing <3
Thank you! I'm glad you could relate to this!
Hello hello! Last poem to review, until you (hopefully) publish more!
This poem is so good. I love the pacing of the poem. The ending punctuation of the periods make every line feel direct and poignant. It says what it needs to. It creates a rushing/breathless tone to the poem, which fits the overarching theme of over-achievement and being burnt out. You display these emotions so clearly in the poem, there isn't a line that feels awkward or out of place. Rather, every line gives the reader access to the narrators inner thoughts and the struggles they are facing.
These lines work so well together. The use of a period instead of a comma separates these as 2 separate thoughts instead a continuous one, and yet, it demands attention. The tone feels sharp and resentful in a way as the narrator reflects on other peoples perception of them versus their own internal battle, which is a carried theme throughout the poem.
I feel like this line perfectly sums up the academic pressure on the narrator! They long to feel more carefree, like their classmates, but instead feel chained to the pressure of success measured by scores and numbers, instead of a personal definition of success.
What a great ending to the poem! It ties the title and beginning of the poem in to the end, wrapping it up in a bow. It's a never-ending cycle of studying, as if the narrator must ignore their own feelings for the sake of a score, and there's a hopeless defeat that keeps them trapped in this cycle.
This is an engaging, grappling poem that writes on pressure, success, and time quite effectively. You deliver the poem in a powerful tone, emphasized through the lines and punctuation, that sticks with the reader. The line blurs between inner thoughts (the questions the narrator asks themselves) and the explaining of those thoughts, yet I feel it works well in this piece.
Great poem! Keep up the good work :)
Thank you, I was up at one AM, thinking and unable to fall asleep. So, I decided to write this poem, the words just flowed out.