Natures Song
Flowers pop wet and bright
shining in the morning light
Spring colors pink, yellow, and green
make the field a happy scene
Spring ends,
comes summer spent with family and friends
Lemonade and ice cream, so yummy and delight,
natures song keeps us happy every day and night
After spring comes bright fall,
Where we can hear natures unique call
Jumping in leaves,
little girl believes,
She can be a superhero
Before the Temperature drops to zero
Then comes winter as fast as lightning
The animals hibernating aren't at all frightening
As beautiful as a ring,
The cardinals sing
The people sing happy songs of love and joy
For everyone to enjoy
All over the world people celebrate,
As the months accelerate
We see the bright colors of spring again,
Along with little grins
From the kids who missed the warmth
The kids going forth,
To the new school year,
With lots of cheer
People plant flowers like busy bees,
After they're done the people sit at ease
Until the flowers pop
Like the ticking of a clock
As everybody enjoys Natures song
That sounds as beautiful as the leaves
on natures trees
all year long
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Ngl, that is a better poem than I could write right now. I like the way you found something nice to say about each of the seasons.
Some parts are a little clumsy, obviously:
For me, this is the spot where the rhythm is most off, I think the main problem is the line ending with warmth.
This is also somewhat disruptive when reading, because you switch from very short lines to these a bit longer ones (although, now that I'm reading it out loud, it makes more sense)
I really really like the first four lines
They just feel the most coherent/rhythmic to me.
But I think this is a pretty good poem, considering you wrote it in 6th grade!
Nah, I know that the rhythm is off, and the wording could be better, but i've decided that I'm not going to change it. It was written in sixth grade, and posted to show the contrast between then, and my work now.
Thank you for leaving this review!
Have a good night/day, and be safe!
Hi June! Another nature poem! <3
First off, wow, you wrote this in 6th grade?? Seems you have a natural talent for poetry and for identifying what words to use to describe nature. I just left a review on your work Sound of Nature, so I'm excited to read and review another lovely poem.
The rhyme in this poem is very fun, and creates a fun tempo to the poem. The format of this poem has dynamic line length, but I feel like it doesn't take away from the tempo of the poem or break up the flow. This poem is a very fun play on the events of the seasons, as well as highlighting the physical changes seen in nature.
I notice some inconsistencies when it comes to capitalization and punctuation in this poem, which does disrupt the flow of the poem for me. While we get a sense of which lines "couple" together through the end rhyme, the poem doesn't give many clear indicators on when to pause, take a breath, or when one thought ends and a new one begins. While punctuation and capitalization isn't necessary for poetry, as many people make these decisions for stylistic and artistic purposes, both are meant to be used (or not used) intentionally to strengthen the poem. We see bits of commas and capitalization, so I would suggest keeping it consistent and correct in order to clean up the poem as a whole.
Overall, really enjoyable piece to read!
Okay, i'll get right on that! I lowkey just took this from deep in my files, and copied it onto here.
Thank you for your review! Have a good night/day and stay safe!