Published August 31, 2026
Chapter 2: Alex
Before he can say anything else, a voice calls out. "Hey! Wait up!"
The spell breaks instantly. Cal steps back, the space between us feeling cold and distant. I turn to see Lucy jogging across the hallway, her blonde ponytail bouncing. In a sea of groggy, gray-clad teenagers, Lucy is a ray of sunshine. She's wearing a pristine white sweater and has a brilliant smile that usually makes my chest tighten in the best way possible.
Today though, my chest is already occupied by a messy tangle of adrenaline, and whatever just happened with Cal.
"Hey, Alex. Hey, Cal." Lucy says, coming to a stop in front of us. She smells like cinnamon and vanilla, completely overpowering the smell of Cal's black coffee. She notices the dark circles under my eyes and immediately reaches out to touch my arm. "Alex, you look exhausted. Are you okay? I texted you this morning but you didn't reply.
"Yeah, fine, just had a rough night," I say, offering a weak smile. I feel Cal stiffen beside me.
"Another nightmare?" She asks, her blue eyes clouding with genuine worry. She steps closer, her touch shifting on my arm to gently squeezing my hand. She knows about the dreams too, but while Cal offers a quiet comfort, Lucy tries to fix it. "You know you can always talk to me, right? Even at four in the morning. I'll be there."
"I know, Luce, thanks."
Cal clears his throat and looks down, studying his coffee cup. "First period starts in two minutes." He says, his voice flat. He turns away and starts walking down the hall, away from us.
"Wait, Cal" I say, reaching out to him.
Lucy keeps her hand on my arm, her eyes wide and soft as she watches Cal walk. "Is he okay?"
I don't know. I look at the empty space where he was standing just seconds ago. Without him, the space feels cold and distant. The air still smells like his bitter coffee, even with Lucy still standing here.
"Yeah, he's just tired," I lie.
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141,046 Literary Works • 673,936 Reviews
This is a good next chapter. The dynamics between Alex, Lucy and Cal are well thought out. They seem like a real school friendship group to me. I can see why Alex wanted to talk to Cal first. Lucy is. bit over the top and Cal is more sensitive. I like that Alex mentions the detail of the coffee smell after Cal is gone. I think I agree with the reviewer below me that it could be longer. Perhaps chapter 1 and 2 could have been one chapter. But I like your style of writing as it is simple and easy to read which is good for me, as I am dyslexic and struggle with long paragraphs.
Hi Bug! I read the first chapters ages ago (not sure I reviewed it though, should definitely go and do that!)
I like the sensory elements here, the coffee smell vs. cinnamon-and-vanilla smell, it's a nice touch! The love triangle is set up nicely between Alex, Lucy and Cal (i presume that's what is being set up!) and their dynamic is shown through their actions.
One thing; the writing is very, well clean. This isn't a bad thing, but there's nothing in it that makes me thing, oh yeah, that's the author's signature writing! The descriptions are nice, and very tight, and everything works and flows well, but it seems a bit bare-bones to me, and I hope that doesn't come across as harsh, because I did enjoy this chapter! It feels too neat and too structured and it needs YOUR mark on it, like, maybe I am being too critical because there isn't much to criticise and no-one else has said the same thing, but for instance, a lot of the stories I like on here have very specific styles, and this seems just a tad generic-- generic sounds mean, that's not really want I think but I can't think of the right way to word it just now.
I think it's a trap new/young writers fall into because you're scared to experiment, to use different sentence structures to portray different emotions etc., and also I haven't read further, so maybe we're just getting into it!! Please don't take this as something mean/harsh! I also wish the chapter was longer, and maybe longer chapters would allow this to shine through. I don't know though. I do really like it so far! If anything.. my critique is that it is TOO good, lol.
Observations whilst reading:
Aww this is so sweet, I love this
should be a comma after Cal, not a period!
You're missing the closing quotation mark here!
should be a lowercase s in 'She' here!
I like the dynamic this sets up between them all here!
Should be a comma after minutes, and a lowercase h in he
missing the comma after Cal
<3 keep up the good work!
Thank you!
HAY!!!! This looks like it has potential to be great, but right now, you are telling me what is happening, not showing me. Give room for descriptions and let the chapter have space to breathe during dialogue. Let the characters have quiet moments too. Let them observe things and take a moment.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the wretched S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Lucy asks Alex is she’s okay. She’s not and Lucy knows that, so Lucy lets her know that she will always be there just as Cal leaves. Alex thanks her, but still, her heart is empty.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love that Alex describes Lucy as representing sunshine when she walks in and how she’d normally be happy to see her, but not after that moment with Cal was interrupted and when Lucy tries to help her with the nightmare. Lucy clearly cares about her, but she still doesn’t get it.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely chapter to this story! I have enjoyed reading this and I will be certain to read the other chapter tomorrow. I hope Alex will be okay and now…
I wish you a dazzling day/night! ^v^
Thank you! I look forward to writing with you, and reading more of YOUR stories! Also, the next chapter is coming out tonight, stay tuned!
yayy
Hi, I just reviewed your other one, but I would love to say how much I love this part...
Great Job!
Thank you!
Hey, yall, I was planning on just posting one chapter a day. However, today is National Matchmaker Day! Therefore, in the spirit of love, I'm posting chapter 3 in an hour. Tune into my blog for more updates! 🥀